Florida is a weird place. Recently I went on a trip there. To Florida. This is the first episode from the Florida series. Here, we investigate the existence of Super Target. It was just a big Target. Let’s go.

Elbows TV. It’s janky. The first episode is here. It’s with Nasty Nigel.

I was searching around on the internet today when I stumbled upon one of the funniest videos I’ve ever seen. Krispy Kreme and Moneymaker Mike’s video “Hater’s Wanna Be Me” popped on my facebook feed and I just about died laughing.

Every single line this kids raps is highly quotable and me and my friends will for sure watch too many times.

His country accent and the way he raps is hilarious and this guy has a funny sense of humor saying things like,”Everybody gets scared when I front flip”, and “I could beat every single person in jail”.I definitely can’t wait til Krispy drops a mixtape.

I’m not even sure if the kid is serious or not but all I know is he’s funny a hell and cant wait til they drop another video. Thank you youtube for putting me on this interweb gem!!! Tosh.0 here they come.

Here’s one last trailer for Sacha Baron Cohen’s The Dictator before it hits theaters May 16. This one divulges more of the story line, specifically that Cohen’s dictator character gets stripped of his beard, and therefor his political power and recognition, and has to adjust to life in New York City. It’s something along those lines. Then there’s some new funny scenes in here besides just him shooting marathon runners, things such as kicking a little kid, and slapping some dude in a magenta blazer.

Unlike Cohen’s last two films, Borat and Bruno, this one will be completely scripted. Watch the trailer. Go watch the actual movie, May 16. It’ll probably offend a whole mess of people. It’ll be great.

Necro is probably my favorite person to follow on twitter. It’s incredible. Just do it, add him right now. He tends to retweet the same shit over and over again like say his recent videos and this.I’d been sleeping on it until last night, when i finally just said “fuck it!” What is it? Well as Necro put it, it’s “The greatest CLASSIC NECRO interview ever done in the history of hiphop!!!!!” It’s pretty incredible and doesn’t dissapoint.

A little background. Necro was invited by Mista Montana to be interview for his Conspiracy Radio show in the UK. Mista Montana wants to have  a serious discussion with Necro about his craft and lyricism. But Necro’ basically just wants to be a goon and it’s wonderful. Stick with it, as it builds and builds into utter frustration, bravado and straight hilarity.

For a show that proudly proclaimed to be about nothing, there were certain things that popped up so many times and with such focus on Seinfeld that you could put together a pretty compelling argument that the show was about a lot of things. So today we’re gonna talk about Seinfeld: the show about candy. For something that sounds so specific and odd, if you take a second to think about it you’ll realize that this was not an easy High Five to put together.

I could have at least done a High Ten, especially since I’m including sweet treats in general. Why? Because I felt like getting down like that so back off. What’s the deal with Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer eating so much candy? And what’s the deal with sweets frequently being being important episode plot points? What’s the deal with airline food? Answer none of these questions and less as you check out my High Five!

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Honorable Mention: Snickers Bar – “The Pledge Drive”

The craze of eating your candy with a knife and fork (or M&Ms with a spoon) that takes New York in this episode, after starting with Elaine’s boss Mr. Pitt, is a great joke that touches on a lot of what Seinfeld is about. It’s right in the wheelhouse of strange cultural behaviors, and how quickly trends can alter the way people act.

Do we all secretly want to eat Snickers with cutlery and we’re just one person away from actually doing it? Or are we so weird that if we see someone doing it, no matter if we know them or not, we’re so embarrassed of not being “in on it” that we’ll fake it until we make it. Seinfeld: deep, man.

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5. Twix Bar – “The Dealership”

Twix figures into one of the best kinds of Seinfeld episodes, the ones that stick to one location. Seinfeld took the old concept of the bottle episode and made it into a true art form. Kramer actually goes on a little solo-adventure in this one, but the rest of the gang is cooped up in the titular dealership that Puddy works at. Craving a sweet treat, his blood sugar plummeting (a trope that will arise again and again in this list), George attempts to purchase a Twix from the vending machine.

A series of mishaps occurs, all stemming from a quietly nefarious mechanic who – after refusing to give George a crisp dollar – ends up (probably) stealing his hanging Twix. So many great moments arise: George facedown on the ground searching for change, the panic of your item getting caught on the spool, Georg’es accusation of the mechanic (“Twix is the only candy bar with the cookie crunch!”), the candy classification discussion with the other customers, and of course George’s Twix-test being foiled when everyone eats the candy bars. TTTWWWIIIXXX!!!

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4. Jujyfruit – “The Opposite”

It’s moments like Elaine’s encounter with Jujyfruits that most noticeably bear the mark of Larry David’s hand, and the cringe humor on display here will later be turned into an entire show with Curb Your Enthusiasm. The best thing about this humor is that it actually makes you question how you’d act in these situations. Elaine is going to a movie when she learns that her date has been hit by a car and is in the hospital (she’s informed, bizarrely, by an usher played by French Stewart).

She rushes to the hospital, but not before getting a box of Jujyfruits. I mean, she was already at the concession counter. The Jujyfruits actually factor in again later, in an even bigger way when they set off a Rube Goldberg series of events that result in the complete dissolution of Pendant Publishing. But I’m more endeared to her short argument with Jake in the hospital, and Elaine’s sheepish explanation to Jerry about why she can’t resist them: “Because they’re Jujyfruit and I like them.”

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3. Entenmann’s Cake – “The Frogger”

The Frogger is a really fantastic episode overall, so much so that I had actually forgotten that it was also the episode with Mr. Peterman’s cake. But yes, the episode is indeed so strong that it contains two all-timer plotlines (the other, of course, being George’s attempts to preserve his Frogger high score). But what we’re talking about is Elaine’s low afternoon blood sugar (told you!), a result of too many cake parties in a row at work, and her attempts to solve the problem after the cake parties peter out.

Raiding Peterman’s fridge, Elaine accidentally consumes a piece of royal wedding cake from the 30s worth tens of thousands. We’ve all been there, right guys? This one is so high on the list because it ends with both a killer written joke (Peterman appraising his cake to find that it’s been replaced with a $2.19 piece of Entenmann’s. I always found the specificity of that numer hilarious) and an even better visual one: the perfect surveillance footage of Elaine dancing joyously around Peterman’s office as she eats the grody confection.

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2. Bosco Chocolate Syrup – “The Secret Code”

Here’s the one that, more than any others, highlights the hilarity of how important candy and sweets are to these people. George’s ill-fated fiancee wants his PIN number so she can get out money on an errand, but George being George he refuses to tell her. In the midst of discussing this with the gang, Kramer decides he’s going to guess it, leading to a really bravura monologue where he bit-by-bit deconstructs Mr. Costanza’s psyche, correctly guessing that his passcode must have something to do with a chocolate syrup.

That’s what’s at the very core of George’s brain: Bosco chocolate syrup. Later he finds he’s so pent up about the whole thing that he has to reveal it to someone: choosing Peterman’s unconscious mother, who suddenly awakes screaming Bosco as her last word. Basically, after some more shenanigans, Peterman comes to believe that George killed his mother. Maybe with syrup. Delicious, delicious Bosco Syrup. Only on Seinfeld!

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1. Junior Mints - “The Junior Mint”

Not only is this the most memorable instance of candy in the show (I mean come on: you knew this was gonna be here, right?), it might be one of the most well known moments from the show period. It’s another case where the set-up is so simultaneously mundane and bizarre that it could only happen on Seinfeld: why would you ever bring chocolate covered mints into a surgery theater? Why would you be in a surgery theater anyway? Because you’re Cosmo Kramer and you can do whatever the fuck you want.

It’s the easiest one on this list to explain and also the purely funniest: Kramer drops a Junior Mint into a guy’s stomach. What more do you need, really? In many ways it’s the perfect summation of the blase and once-removed way in which the Seinfeld characters go through life, the root of the self-consciousness that makes them so damn funny. Fun fact: it was originally supposed to be a Lifesaver, but they didn’t want to get down like that. Sucks for them.

So those are mine: what are yours?

Ralph Wiggum (The Simpsons) // Created by Matt Groening

Vs.

Butters Stotch (South Park) // Created by Matt Stone & Trey Parker

Battle mentally deficient animated children, commence! Huh, it sounded sorta weird when I said it like that… But today we’re pitting two of animated television’s most endearing and beloved characters against each other, and it promises to be a battle filled with Sun Tzu level tactical sophistication. Or maybe just a lot of booger picking. Who knows!

Starting off as background character in Lisa Simpson’s class, Ralph Wiggum has grown into the child king of television non-sequiturs. From classic lines (“Me fail English? That’s unpossible.”, “I bent my wookie”, “Super Nintendo Chalmers”, and, of course, “they taste like burning”) to classic moments (his ill-fated date with Lisa jumps instantlt to mind), Ralph is one of the best secondary residents of Springfield.  You have to think that this character had at least some sort of influence on Butters Stotch, the well meaning and infantile boy who went from side character to one of the main South Park crew.

Butters was always funny, but Matt Stone & Trey Parker have also used his naivety to play out some of the series’ strangest and darkest moments: remember his mom trying to drown him in a car? He also has a thriving secret life as the dastardly Professor Chaos. In many ways Butters and Ralph are the same character, but each filtered through the vision of their respective creators. They’re both great, but you know how this works. The Choice is yours…

You know who’s getting STDs at a record rate? Not the Tumblr kids… their grandparents! Enough so that Safer Sex 4 Seniors just unveiled an unnerving and hilarious (intentional or not, your call) PSA for it.

In the past 5 years, the rate of STDs among active seniors has risen over 70%. This public service announcement promotes the importance of using condoms, illustrated by mature adults in various poses of the Kama Sutra.

Tell your Mee-Ma and Pep Pep to use a rubber kids.

Google has a long history of April fools jokes. I guess it’s pretty easy to spend time on ridiculous and detailed pranks when billions of dollars constantly flow into your lap like a busted fire hydrant. For whatever reason they’ve decided to drop this years edition a day early. Unless this is actually real. Which it isn’t.

It’s a pretty awesome looking 8-Bit version of Google Maps, optimized specifically for the NES. Wasn’t there actually a new SNES game released a couple months ago? There’s the commercial for Goggle Maps 8-Bit above, and it definitely feels like a legitimate Google ad. I’m particularly fond of the blowing on the cartridge bit. Though I doubt the NES version will ever see the light of day, you can (of course) play with the 8-bit version in your browser here.

Ah, getting crunk and getting taken to the police station in the back of a cop car. Brings back memories. You can either hang your head down, feel ashamed and/ or angry at your self, or you could sing like your life depends on it. This bearded dude decided to sing his ass off, and he picked the Queen song “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

His performance is charged with emotionally charged onomatopoeia. And he even sings the instrumental parts, and seems to know all the words, even the part about killing people and putting a gun to their head. Kinda awkward to be saying that in back of a cop car! I thought it was kinda weird he wasn’t hand cuffed too. I guess that was so he would be able to fully express himself, and do the hand motions as he sings. Alcohol is a hell of a drug!

What’s new, readers? This is Casper here with an update from the bowels of Ponyville. You thought that whole grown ass man-MLP:FIM (That’s My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic for those not in the know) thing was over, huh? Think again, dudes. Not that you remember or anything but once upon a time I wrote an exposé on the brony subculture of eccentrics and the imprint they’ve left on copyright laws/media restrictions. With that, you can be certain I have a good handle on this fascination, or so I thought before stumbling over this troubling piece of footage. YouTube and the ‘bronies’ meet yet again and it ain’t cute or cuddly this time around either.

If you’re even mildly into collecting anything you’ve likely seen one of the kajillions of “unboxing” video clips hanging in the dark corners of the global sharespace like cobwebs. But wait, here’s a little something for the newbies. An unboxing is the general term for the act of removing an item from it’s original packaging but is usually specifically reserved for a grab-bag kinda deal where a collectible has multiple variations yet those variations are undisclosed and/or invisible to the buyer. Take for instance the process of unwrapping a package of Topps cards and finding a Cal Ripken Jr. rookie card (I know I’m a little behind the times) mixed in there or in this case digging into a Happy Meal to find a Twilight Sparkle pony. Got it? Good.

There’s something noticeably different about this specific unboxing video though. Sure it has all the social awkwardness, palpable tenseness, and lisp-laden monologuing to be expected from something of this nature. Those features are taken to such an extreme that it’s hard to accept this dude isn’t emotionally handicapped. I know it’s a bold statement but after making it halfway through this most of y’all will have my back on it. For one, this guy talks as if he’s been hermetically sealed in plastic for the better part of his life much like the “Rainbow Dash” and “Pinkie Pie” figurines at his disposal. I can’t make out even half of what he says, mostly incoherent mumbling to himself, and the best/worst part is when he gets up to demand a different toy from the McDonalds employee. She’s not too bad looking either. Heck, he could’ve played this whole lonely horsey thing to his advantage. Maybe she is one of those equally as disturbing girls that take pride in “fixing” boys.

He blows his chances (as if there were any other possible outcomes). The moment he opens his mouth the girl makes a run for the door like a frightened rabbit as he continues to talk at her. Does this guy have a definable mental incapacity or is he just a laughably pathetic dreg? A product of the incessant breastfeeding and PC wimpification that plagues this country’s male population, perhaps? Whatever the case, I think it would serve him well to drop the dolls for a minute and start thinking about rejoining reality. Alwight?