Really cool video that, apropos of nothing it seems, The New York Times put together profiling legendary indie comic artist Daniel Clowes (which, by the way, I had been pronouncing “clo-wheeze” for, like decades. Apparently it’s more like “close”). Along with artists like Charles Burns and Harvey Pekar, Clowes has long been at the forefront of his genre and is responsibly for some of indie comics’ biggest brushes with mainstream consumption, especially after the (relatively) successful adaptation of his book Ghost World.

It goes without saying, as I’m sure many of you have read some if not all of his work, but Clowes’ work is amazing, and his ongoing series Eightball is, like, crazily influential. This video is a tad short for my taste, but it still manages to pack in a quiet, mannered look at Clowes’ process and some retrospective thoughts about his comics. Good stuff.

With a headline like that, I better buckle up. It’s that time of the year where the Funny Book Factories begin churning out stunning efforts in mediocrity, otherwise known as Events. Yes sir. Yes ma’am. This week the all ninety-three Avengers teams are going to be throwing down with all fourteen X-Men squads and the price will be paid by readers looking for something not refried and snot-covered. (I thought this was called Civil War?)

Eh! There’s dope books dropping this week too. Let’s focus on that.

—-

Fanboys vs. Zombies #1
Titles humming along on a simplistic premise can either live or die courtesy of this attribute. A comic book called Fanboys vs. Zombies just about takes the cake on the simplicity tip. Zombies roll the fuck up on a comic book convention, and hopefully the eat the shit out of that obese dude who has stuffed himself into a Phoenix outfit. You pay for your crimes, bro. You pay. I’m not a betting man, being broke as fuck, but if I was I’d bet on this title. It’s being written by none other than Sam Humphries, a good lad whose work is spilling into the mainstream and the medium is the better for it.  Dude is going to be rocking Ultimate Comics Ultimate Time when Hickman segues off of it, as well as his own joint Higher Earth. The tide will begin to roll in with this title though, and I plan on surfing the wave to Dead Fanboy Valhalla.

—-

Casanova: Avaritia #3
Cyeah, boi. Now this is the hotness from which my erection shall extend tomorrow. It’s been six months since Fraction and Bá’ dropped the second issue of this Casanova volume, and my balls have withered with each passing week. The second issue was a Multiversal mind-fuck that riffed metatextually on so many different levels in so many different appreciably different ways that by the end of it I was certain that I wanted to marry Matt Fraction but I’d settle for knowing I was in some splinter dimension.

Six months. Way too long. Praise be, praise be.

—-

Supreme #63
What Fresh Hell is this? Another issue of Supreme written by Alan Moore after all these years? It’s his final issue, and if Casanova took a while to drop I assume this motherfucker has been cryostasis for years. Am I curious enough to see what comics’ favorite warlock is up to in ultimate installment of his run on Rob Liefeld’s Superman? That’s a great question. One that I won’t be able to answer until I’m standing in front of the comic book rack tomorrow, but I can see it now. As I scan the titles for all the ones that I want that have sold out, I’ll gaze upon this little title. The necromancy that powered its creation calling to me, ethereal tendrils extending themselves and invigorating my metaphysical corpus with Moore-power. I will be powerless.

(more…)

Do you know how many comic books I read last week? One. I read the newest issue of Prophet and that was that. It was a gloriously hypnotic trek through a devastated post-apocalyptic Hemingway novel, and after that I shut my brain down for the week. I’ve been trying to slice the fatty material out of my comic diet. Much like my life I’m sure I’ll continue to binge, but the ideal is to strip down the pull-list into things I want to read. Not things I want to read, feel implored to read, and have a passing interest in at the cost of my wallet.

With that in mind, this is Near Mint Condition. The column where we sit cross-legged in a circle, pantless of course, and share what we’re digging on in the funny book universe on a given Wednesday. I’ll go first. You follow me into the closet and count to 20. It’s going to be awesome.

—-

Ultimate Comics Ultimates #8
Hickman always tows the line between meticulous plotting and meticulously plodding, and I’ve gotten a bit of the impatience in my taint with this series of his lately. Even though I love it! I just want smashy smashy. If all Hulkian signs are to be believed, then I’m going to be in for a treat with this issue. Why?

The Hulk. That’s why.

You don’t want to fuck with Bruce Banner. Don’t let all the recent advertisements for The Avengers fool you. Even though he is inexplicably smiling while everyone else stands around flexing and posing like brooding assholes, the dude isn’t to be trifled with. In this new issue of Ultimate Comics Ultimate Time Ultimate Avengers #8, Banner is heading into the heart of Not Dead Reed Richards’ robot city. Methinks the genius is in for a Stone Cold Stunner or two.

—-

Choker #6
Sweet Tits On A Ram! I would be lying if I said I hadn’t almost completely forgotten about this comic. I mean, good grief! The first issue dropped over two years ago. The last issue? A year ago! Yet here we are at the sixth issue. We’re just getting to the middle part of a baker’s dozen. The good news is that I assume that the delay in the comic is due to the raging success of Ben McCool and Ben Templesmith. Can’t hate on creators you dig getting busy. Even if I forget what the fuck has been going in in the narrative.

I know that it takes place in Shotgun City and the protagonist is a dude named Johnny Jackson (I think) who is hunting down some dude who…deals vampire drugs or some shit.Meanwhile a blond chick he rolls with reminds me a lot of Kara Thrace and swears a good goddamn lot. That’s enough to get the peep drip staining the white loins. Throw in some acerbic wit, ultra-violence, and gorgeous Templesmith artwork, and you’re golden. Even if you’re not sure what that golden hue exactly looks like anymore.

—-

Uncanny X-Force #23
I’ve had a soft spot for Rick Remender’s insane X-Squad for a while now. He’s done the impossible. Made me give a fuck about an X-Title. Made me give a fuck about Otherworld. Those are impressive feats. The trial of Fantomex wraps up this issue, and I’m the storyline will conclude with the same blood-splattering mayhem that all the other ones have so far. As an aside, I’m ready for Remender to bring his his Gore Soaked Gang back into the 616. They’ve been ballin’ out in the Age of Apocalypse and Otherworld for a good while now, and it’s time they touched down and ripped some ass in the Universe Proper.

(more…)

The supervillain is just as integral to the superhero as their powers, their origin story: the supervillain completes them. This importance has long been reflected in the comic book consuming public’s obsession with them, leaving man of the top tier villains more popular even than their hero analogues. Because you don’t necessarily have to “like” them, writers often appear to feel much more freedom in the creation of their villains, leaving both the Marvel and DC universes with truly massive baddie rosters that cover a huge gamut.

It’s unfortunate, however, that for the most part discussion of these villains is limited to two categories: the a-listers and the z-listers. I’ve chosen to talk about DC today, by the way, because I just happen to like it more (whoops!) but you could easily do this with Marvel too. Anyway, as I was saying, people are always going to talk about The Joker and Lex Luthor and Sinestro and Darkseid and stuff. But once you get past the Rogue’s Gallery and everyone else’s 2-3 main villains, conversation usually goes right to people like Crazy Quilt, Clock King, Doctor Spectro, and – uhh – Kite Man.

But there’s a whole world of middleground villains that are totally awesome that never really get their due, and as such don’t get nearly enough appearances in their respective series’. It’s unfortunate, but understandable. But that doesn’t mean we can’t honor a couple of them right now by going through some of my favorite Second Tier DC Villains. Here are the high five…

—–

5. Bonecrusher – Created by Sam Hamm

Making only one appearance, in the exceptional Sam Hamm (Batman: The Movie) penned Batman: Blind Justice storyline, Bonecrusher is a masked villain (actually later revealed to be a mantle carried by multiple brainwashed people, so he’s essentially invincible. Nice) who uses the power of sound to literally turn his opponents bones to dust while they’re still in his body.

He looks really cool and evil, sort of like a cross between Bane, a Klan Member, but with little satellite dish looking things all over his body, and the fact that he’s multiple innocents controlled by someone else leads to some nice ethical quandaries for the Dark Knight. I’m a humongous fan of this Batman arc, and Bonecrusher just stuck with me. To avoid capture, the person controlling them has the Bonecrushers kill themselves when Batman closes in, which is pretty creepy, and the way he can just pulverize walls and people’s insides is super badass.

—–

4. Psycho Pirate – Created by Gardner Fox

The thing about Psycho Pirate is that he could so easily be one of those doofy characters I referred to before, with his kinda dumb name, weird harlequin costume and effete, theatrical mannerisms. But in reality, his power of emotional manipulation using the Medusa Mask is a surprisingly deep and interesting one, and his fancy lad persona ends up becoming incredibly unsettling once you see what he’s capable of.

I’m particularly fond of the Psycho Pirate’s role in the Crisis On Infinite Earths, where he is captured and becomes a sycophantic servant for the Anti-Monitor, who amplifies his powers so that he can make all the heroes on a bunch of earths start creating havoc. So yeah, the Psycho Pirate is kind of a badass. Except at the end of Crisis, he’s actually one of a few people who remembers everything about it, which I thought was cool. Also has one of the most gruesome deaths I’ve encountered in DC comics, when Black Adam literally pushes the Medusa Mask through his face.

—–

3. Deacon Blackfire – Created by Jim Starlin

This dude is a creepy motherfucker. He was the lead villain in the Batman story arc The Cult in the late eighties, and I guess people were really afraid of religious cults at the time, because the whole storyline really seems to be tapping into a zeitgeisty phobia. The white-ponytailed Blackfire basically amasses an army of brainwashed homeless people in the expansive sewers of Gotham (honestly, Batman has had so many adventures in those damn sewers…).

As I mentioned he’s a pretty bizarre dude, and may or may not have mythical powers and also, if I remember correctly, is implied to be like hundreds of years old. The Cult is a really great miniseries, and it’s bottle-episode-esque setting makes for an incredibly claustrophobic final issue, with Blackfire and his soldiers turning out to be an impressively difficult foe for the Bat. Also a cool fate: killed and potentially eaten by his former charges. Nice.

—–

2. Ranx the Sentient City – Created by Alan Moore

Leave it to Alan Moore to come up with something as weird as an entire living future city made of pure evil, and then have the balls to give it a Yellow Power Ring and make it a card carrying member of the Sinestro Corps. I mean come on: that’s pretty fucking awesome. Especially when he (it, I guess) actually has his own analogue enemy in the Green Lantern Corps., Mogo The Living Planet.

Man I really love comic books. Anyway, I really like Ranx because the concept of a single hero fighting against an entire living city makes for some really cool battles that are obviously not just “I punch you in the face really really hard, then you do the same, then we smash some buildings.” Unfortunately, as I’m now realizing about all of my picks, Ranx is also dead, having been dispatched by Lantern Sodam Yat. Son of a bitch…

—–

1. Floronic Man – Created by Gardner Fox

Jason Woodrue AKA The Floronic Man is totally the epitome of what I was talking about in the beginning of this post. He will never be a marquee supervillain, because he controls plants but isn’t a sex-bomb like Poison Ivy, but as Alan Moore displayed in his take on Woodrue in Swamp Thing, has the potential to be as good as it gets. Seriously, I’m sure you’ve all read it a bunch of times, but go back and read that arc again: it’s so, so fantastic.

He’s a mutated guy who can essentially converse with plants, but what’s cool is that he’s not always in full control of his powers. In fact, oftentimes the plants control him to a degree, and seeing them harmed can make him go a little… insane. When he is using his powers well, however, he does way more interesting shit than just grabbing you with vines or growing big venus fly traps or lame stuff like that. How about making all the plants on Earth overproduce oxygen to turn it into a gigantic bomb? Floronic Man. Know about him.

Come one, come all into the rodeo of splash-page-ultra-narrative death. This is Near Mint Condition, the column where we gather in a neat circle and share the new funny books that are exciting us. It’s communal. Like the showers. Like the water fountain. I go first. Don’t lag behind. This week is replete with eccentric wunder-artists, premiere issues, and breast milk. It’s going to be fun.

Don’t know what’s coming out this week? Hit up ComicList. Excuses removed!

—-

Saucer Country #1
Beast mode creative team, initialized! Paul Cornell and Ryan Kelly are teaming up for this new Vertigo series. The premise! Pah! You ask for a premise. Fine! Arcadia Alvarado is the Governor of New Mexico as well as the leading Democratic candidate for president. She isn’t just a multiculturalist’s dream, she also claims to be an alien abductee. Stop me if you see the metaphor. You see…illegal aliens, and, and, and. Who the fuck am I kidding? I haven’t read it yet. I’m stoked though because Paul Cornell won me over with his Lex Luthor hilari-madness on Action Comics whole artist Ryan Kelly held it down on Northlanders. Seems like a tandem worthy of championing, and I’m always looking for the oddity channeled through the creator-owned funnel.

—-

Fantastic Four #604
Holy tits!, Jonathan Hickman has been penning this title for three fucking years? Truth be made plain, I only know this because Marvel is marketing this issue as the conclusion of the “Three Year Existentialistory!” Well, without my snazzy made-up word. It’s been a goddamn blast though, and as Hickman puts the bows on all his threads I’ll be surfing the Trope Fantastic along with him. Three years. Pow! Jesus Christ.  I have no idea how Hickman has handled all the various strands he has had dangling throughout the Omniverse, but they haven’t let me down. When Future Franklin and Valerie emerged from their portahole or whatever at the end of the prior issue the nipples got a bit tight.

—-

Saga #1
There is a form of kindness that is bestowing upon people that which they don’t deserve. Paying it forward. I don’t know if I deserve Saga by Brian K. Vaughn and Fiona Staples, but I’m going to fucking take it. The sci-fi tale of two people on opposite sides of a intergalactic civil war coming together and proving love can prove on the battlefield is finally here. After the announcement, we had the uproar over the whole Breastfeeding Thing. Like really, with the broken-spined booty popping and pushed-up titties that we’re awash in, this maternal riff pisses someone off? Ohhhhhkay, Whatever. We’re here. We’ve served our time. Behold the winged-horned-dialectic!

This series is going to be fantastic. I can feel it in my knees. That’s where I feel upcoming storms, my love for Commander Shepard, and quality upcoming comic books.

(more…)

One of my favorite Spring 12 items is the 5th Gate Tee, a panelled up shirt featuring a totally epic and badass mini-comic done by Ron “D-Pi” Wimberly. I’ve oft lamented that we don’t have a monthly Mishka comic book (I want it!) featuring all of our freaky and furry friends like the Death Adder or Cyco Simon, and that shirt only reminds me how incredibly it could be. The style of the amazing graphic is, in an unfortunately maudlin turn, very much indebted to the art of the recently deceased Moebius. Sad as that may be, it once again shows how influential his work was.

In addition to the graphic created for the shirt, D-Pi crafted three other little segments which are being shown here for the very first time. If you saw that shirt and knew you had to see more, then you’re definitely in luck. Get into the story of the dapper Death Adder as he bouts with the all-seeing 4th gate, encounters the monolithic 5th, then gets in a deadly battle out on the endless planescape. In my dream of dreams there’s an omnibus full of these…

Very sad news today for the comic book and art world in general with the news of the passing of legendary artist Moebius, who’s work over decades was not only consistently incredible but wildly influential. The French artist was perhaps best known as one of the original artists on Metal Hurlant, the monthly that would later be released in the US under the moniker Heavy Metal. He was also widely lauded for his long running Western comic Blueberry.

In addition to his independent work, Moebius made several brief but very memorable dips into the American comic book scene, including his incredible run with Stan Lee on Silver Surfer. His visual style has been a touchstone for artists as varied as Hayao Miyazaki, Ridley Scott, and William Gibson. Total Bummer that he’s gone, but his legacy lives on all over, including the Heavy Metal magazines that populate my (and probably many of your) bookshelves.

Hello friends. Gals. Guys. Transpecimens from an alternate dimension reading this in the future as some ethnographic study on our primitive simian brain-stems. This is Near Mint Condition, the comic book column where we spaz and spout and maybe even rub it a little over the week’s funny book releases.  Everyone’s invited! Especially if you find something not covered. Not certain what’s coming out? Hit up ComicList.

—-

Defenders #4
So far the corporate destructoids over at Marvel have allowed Matt Fraction free rein with Defenders and I can only pray a solemn prayer that they continue to do so. Tagging in for this fourth issue is Michael Lark. You may recognize him as an artist capable of inducing ocular orgasms through his penciling wizardry. Such a team is destined to blow out sphincters everywhere, and as such I’m duct taping the bunghole closed before reading it.

I’m also sure this issue is going to be fantastic.

—-

[Confession Time] Sweet Tooth #31
For a solid stretch of time, the Lemire-powered Sweet Tooth was one of my favorite comics dropping. In the middle of the last story arc however, I tapped out. It all got a bit to mystical for me, and it was continually slipping in my reading rotation. I started missing issues. Everything became fragmented. Missing. Disjointed. I can’t tell if I’m done with the title or if I’m going to snag a TP of the latest story and catch up, but I do feel a bit grimy in the groin for ditching it. I mean, Jesus Christ, considering what I am reading.

Don’t be mistaken, I’m not doubting Lemire’s awesomeness. In fact, I’m sweating Animal Man #7 this week. Also by the man. The myth. The legend. The Canadian.

—-

Manhattan Projects #1
Oh shit, rub my tits raw with atom-splitting glee. Jonathan Hickman and Nick Pitarra are teaming up after their space-time-continuum-destroying madness in The Red Wing. This time the dynamite duo (not to be confused with the dynamic duo, even if the two of them certainly possess a level of dynamism) are getting a bit alternate history on our asses. What if the Manhattan Project we knew about was one of many secreted projects carried out by those sons-a-bitches who were hellbent on winning the Second Grand War? Simple enough premise, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hyping for some of the typical Hickman reimagining of historical figures swagger.

Guilty! Guilty as charged.

(more…)

This is Near Mint Condition. At the end of a long fucking day, during a long fucking week in which I haven’t actually read any comic books, I come to you. My task!, should I choose to accept it: to tell you the funny books I’m buying during this ungodly weekly cycle. All I ask in return is that you partake in this community (I accidentally typed ‘cummunity’ so you can see the threads coming apart in here) by rattling off the swag you’re either buying or interested in that are dropping this week. It’s a simple conceit. Yet in these complicated times, isn’t that just a bit comforting? Make the nips soften a bit knowing every Wednesday lies some friends and some funnies.

Don’t know what’s coming out? Hit ComicList, then come back here. We’ll wait.

—-

Justice League #6
I showed the cover of Justice League #6  to Freud and the dude just passed the fuck out with giggles. Was rolling on the ground, all coked-up and bleary eyed. I saw what he meant though. Jesus Christ, a bunch of spandex-clad dudes paying supplication to Dark-Seed or whatever. Christ almighty even Aquaman’s mammoth trident is being pulled down towards the Seed, while Batman’s mouth-muzzle is right on his the baddie’s Hogwarts. When Freud woke up he tried to sneak a peak at the cover again, but couldn’t help but pointing out how much vigor Jim Lee put into rendering Hal Jordan’s taut puckering asshole of chitin-armored subservience. Dude’s got a point.

Wait, about the comic? Probably the last fucking issue I buy of it. Been bored. Ready to complete the first arc and then reallocate funds towards something *worth* purchasing.

—-

Spaceman #4
If you’re a fan of science-fiction and gritty dystopian social commentary and you’re not snagging this Azzarello/Risso joint, you’re a true asshole. Deep into your soul, the Asshole strand of DNA has wound itself. Coiling around your Good Taste and is slowly siphoning your life force. Or maybe you’re just pressed for cash, behind on your other comics, or it simply wasn’t for you. I’m voting former, those guilty as charged are probably throwing their chips in with the latter. Spaceman is good shit. I could explain to you why — but I’ve done that three other times. Either it’s stuck by now or it hasn’t.

I’m getting it. I’m touching myself on the crotch with my Blade Runner model kits while I read it.

—-

Ultimate Comics Ultimates #7
Speaking of covers. Man. What the fuck is going on with Sam Wilson up there? Dude is straight-up on the fucking Ryan Braun treatment right there. His samples must have been compromised! Ignore the writhing veins underneath the skin! Wilson ain’t supplementing his superheroics with performance enhancers. Oh Braun! I fucking trusted you! I trusted you. Now you’ve betrayed me and Prince Fielder is going to Detroit to pretend he isn’t working out Daddy issues.

Meanwhile, back in the comic universe! Hickman is doing what he does best these days, which is to drag his feet. Reed Richards is a real sack of Post-Human shit, gobbling up real estate as the Future threatens to consume the Present. The first six issues or so of title was the futurism hotness, but ever since then it’s throttled way back. Whatevs!, I’m in it for the long haul. Particular since now I know Sam Humphries is the series’ heir apparent.

—-

Orc Stain #7
James Stokoe does everything within the pages of this title. He draws it, writes it, colors it, bathes the PDF files of the comic in the Blood of the Choosen in order to gain favor with the Dark Ones. He does it all. Yes, sir. Since he assumes such an enormous task, the comic book takes on the flavor of this creator in its entirety. That’s why when you crack open Orc Stain, you’re thrown into a world that is blood, cocks, violence, orcs, and humor. The resulting cacophony is so terrifying and beautiful you’ll bask in the sunlight of creativity while barfing all over your exposed genitalia. Why are your balls-labia hanging out? Orc Stain. That’s why.

—-

What are you guys and gals of the Sequential Rockitude buying this week? I’m all ears (eyes).

Gorillaz‘ crazy new track/hipster-magnet-item “DoYaThing”, just dropped and it features Andre 3000 and James Murphy getting pretty nuts and spitting hot fire over a really upbeat instrumental. Damon Albarn has been working with three stacks and monsieur Murphy for a minute now, and the internet has been stoked for this one to drop. I think I just heard Williamsburg collectively climax through the office window. Just kidding, our office doesn’t have windows. Help us.

Seriously though, Andre’s verse is crazy long and crazy dope. Dude is very quickly morphing into the king of the guest spot. Good thing? This meeting of the minds is to promote their collaboration with Converse to create and design a new Gorillaz-themed sneaker. Commerce! That sounds interesting. A Gorillaz sneaker might be dope. You can download “DoYaThing” via the Converse website tomorrow, but first listen to this rip of the track here!