Over the Independence Day weekend earlier this month, my girlfriend and I added a furry little addition to our Brooklyn apartment. The handsome little devil is still young, but he already has style and can be spotted wearing Mishka’s classic Keep Watch keychain hat. His names Indy and he’s seriously the dopest cat ever, how dope? Dude already has a tumblr and we’ll be updating that and the flickr with pics and video of him, so if you’re like me and occasionally need to take a break from the porn and memes I recommend checking up on this little guy.

The keychain is available to make your very own, here. An ideal means of tricking out animals, babies, and other microcephalic beings in need of some swagger.

I’m a big supporter of chocolate, it’s polymorphous deliciousness usurped by no other flavor, but even more enthralled by it’s fetishization and adoption as a standard in the sack, redefining what it means to “eat someone out”. It is that line in the sand, between sheer consumables and sugary kinkiness, that is kicked to the wind by this artsy video. Hershey’s syrup has never looked so good as it did when sixteen gallons of it were ejaculated, bottle after bottle, onto the pallid, pristine, and yearning face of Polish visual artist, Martynka Wawrzyniak for her 2010 project, Chocolate. When this is all over, you’ll want to wash yourself either of perversity or of an odd sticky feeling you just can’t shake.

Gaze as she literally drowns in the thick liquid, engulfing and swimming around her in an off-color, surrealist fashion. The syrup showers her from a container placed just out of frame creating an unusual POV style effect that oozes with a morbid uncomfortableness and defiling sexuality. This isn’t her first foray into strangely deviant art experimentation. In fact, Martynka has done loads of freaky shit including a firing squad of children armed with ketchup blasting away at a blindfolded, white-clothed, and all around helpless girl. You could try touching yourself to that one but the screams of all the little chillins ruin the moment or maybe just add to the kinky aesthetic, you be the judge of that.

Shoving aside the overwhelming connotations, the beauty and splendor of this piece is something to be not just noted but extolled as a suffer-for-art kind of production. The artist gasps for air, fighting suffocation but refusing to move her body, in an unreality constructed through ingenious positioning of camera, subject, and medium. Check out her other animalistic exploits on her Vimeo page, which can be conveniently accessed here.

It isn’t very often that some user-made internet filth really gets to me, making me feel as though I want to purge the images from my brain and back out through my eyeballs. This sick feeling in my stomach tells me not only to stay glued to the computer screen but that it also deserves a nice write-up and some solid exposure on the Bloglin. Abandon all self-respect ye who enter here.

We’ve got a wheelchair-bound quadriplegic performing a song entitled “Vagina Ain’t Handicapped”, you put the pieces together. I mean shit, I believe every bitch, no matter her physicality, is entitled to and by all means should flaunt what she got, but mind you, when composing this philosophy, never did I consider what my response might be to a paralysis victim advertising her slit through written raps.

According to aspiring female MC, CrippleWithSwag — a great fucking name —her kitchen sink ain’t broken it just need’s to be unclogged a little bit. The lyrics are like a cross between a Lil’ Kim practice tape and a washed out Lisa Lampanelli routine. With stone-faced delivery of off-color rhymes it’s kind of difficult not to feel disgusted inside, having no social clues whether to laugh, cry, or touch yourself. I feel like I’m peeking through the window of her incubated bedroom watching as she embraces her sexuality.

If you are into her sick bar-spittin’ capabilities or just get off on her inability to walk, check out the other videos from this crippled gangsta boo. Her repertoire includes robotic, high-voiced covers of old school bangers like Biggie’s “Juicy” and Prince’s “Kiss.” She’s also got a pretty sweet Facebook profile under the name MC Meals on Wheels, which features all sorts of comments and video responses to her videos, such as this gem.

The line between sincerity and humor hangs in the air as this fine slice of rolling pussy, deserving of some street-cred, takes the haters to school and reminds us that her vagina ain’t handicapped. She can get it. Right?

via StreetCarnage

Have you ever wondered how fashionable aristocrats and oligarchs on the opposite side of the prime meridian tend to dress their children? Well, we’re here to alleviate your quandary. Photographer Anna Skladmann took a hike across much of Russia in an attempt to document the most stylish and privileged pre-teens this region had to offer, and came away with some shots that are genuinely startling… startlingly awesome that is. Not only do these tykes look right at home in the collection of threads they’re presented in, but they basically just own it. From the set of  Blue Steel’s and Magnum’s these kids have wiped across their mugs, I’d be willing to bet the term “Cheese” wasn’t uttered all that often.

The youngster set in front of the metro backdrop, perched atop the corner of a building is evidently named Vadim, and appears to gather most of his gear from Robber Barons R’ Us. Just look his that oversized bow tie, and, if you’ll allow me to speak in Tom Haverford parlance for a moment, dope pea coat. Peering at Vadim, you’d assume somebody thought it would be funny to zap Tucker Carlson with Ray Zalinsky’s shrink ray, and send him over to Russia just for kicks. From the looks of it, tiny Tucker Carlson has been flourishing within his new millieu, and is prepared to run whichever town he’s already turned his back to.

The pair of siblings crouched on top of the ornate table are called Nikita and Alina respectively, and were presumably en route to a ball room of some sort, before they realized that one of the little brats wasn’t wearing any pants. If you direct you’re attention over to the male half of the bro and sis pairing, you’ll notice that he’s already got that disheveled Dudley Moore, devil-may-cry attitude down pat. Imagine the havoc this guy is going to wreak once he starts slamming shots of expensive, home-brewed Russian Vodka. Then again, who’s to say the young man hasn’t already started hitting the bottle.

As if young Jacob didn’t already look like he was about ready to plan some elementary school sting operation of the cafeteria in his two-tone wing tips, and tailored blazer, Skladmann threw one of the kid’s functioning Kalashnikov machine guns into the mix for good measure. Apparently this was just one of the many battle ready firearms which comprises young  Jacob’s extensive collection. For those of you youngsters who are simply content to get your hands on some plastic NERF rifle, you really don’t know what you’re missing. Jacob has seen the light, and he’s done so looking as if he were plucked from the pages of GQ.

While all the shots in this collection may not necessarily be as dynamic or theatrical as the machine gun picture, they’re all wonderfully photographed, and definitely worth checking out. I’ll leave you with this image of toe-headed twins Ilona and Ella, and let you decide whether they strike you as adorable or just downright creepy. If you stare at the image long enough, I’m convinced that flashes of The Shining twins are bound to start dancing through your head. Find the full gallery at Spiegel Online and look on in astonishment at these ultra-hip and over dressed Russian kids. And if you still can’t get enough of this Skladmann’s has a book called Little Adults releasing in September which you can pre-order over at Amazon.

I’m partially compelled to think this is all staged, but those punches they’re throwing are real…they’re shitty punches, but real none the less. And while the fight is pretty humorous, it takes a supporting role to the dialogue. You can run a drinking game to how many times these dudes call each other “nigga,” “pussy” and “bitch” over a supposedly stolen bong. Shit man, for suburban wiggers, stealing a bong is like stealing someone’s horse in the old west… totally not cool bro.

But you know what the best part of it is? After about 2 minutes this starts feeling like it may just turn into a gay porn as shirts come off, shoulders are pinned, tits get felt and crotches get thrust. I swear I heard one of them say “Ima fuck you in the ass U faggot!” but I’m probably just thinking I did.

It must be fucking freezing in hell right now. I plucked this photo off of my good friend Jim Greene’s Facebook. Here’s the description that accompanied it:

Friend of a friend works for Bieber’s road crew. This is their official backstage garb. Yes, they got Danzig’s permission

I don’t even know where to start with this. Is it real? Did Justin Bieber design it? Did Glenn Danzig really give his permission to this? Are they available for purchase? The mind reels. Real or fake, this is pretty fucking funny. Maybe even funnier because our new store intern Paul’s nickname is Beiber. Because he kind of looks like Justin Beiber and he is only 17. So ladies and gays, come on down!

I had to interpolate some Das Racist for this one…

For eons people everywhere have yearned for one thing, a New Era ball cap that would fit on the end of their dong. Crying out to the night in fits of werewolf strength rage and confusion they’ve cried,”WHHHEEEERRREEEE?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!?? HOWWWWWWWW!?!?! WHENNNNNNN!??” The answers are “the internet, I don’t know, I don’t know and now.” That’s right Мишка has finally produced teeny tiny fitteds that will make your dick look baller as hell.

We’ve got a larger one that’s 4 ¼ one which won’t be appropriate for donning with your dong unless your dick is some sort of deformed battering ram. It is good for stuffed animals, pets and circus pinheads. Make your sock monkeys dress like you and put them on your couch. Also see if your girlfriend is fooled into thinking that you just got smaller and quiet.

Then there’s the dick sized one at 2 ¾ which is actually a keychain, in case you want to keep your keys on it rather than slapping it over your peen. Actually upon writing this enough of you must have wanted to slide these onto your shafts (or just use them for your keys…either/or) that they’ve gone and sold out. You can still probably find them at some of our fine stockists across the globe, but probably not for too much longer.

This is kind of a digression but these hats remind me of a cartoon my sister made as her final sophomore project at CalArts, a cartoon short called “Tiny Hats.” SPOILER ALERT: It’s about a girl who covers a deformed head growing out of her head with a tiny hat. If you have a tiny head growing out of your head, or maybe a whole conjoined twin don’t hide it inside a basket, NO, you’ve got to let it shine. Let it shine in a Keep Watch that will fit correct.

Мишка
350 Broadway
Brooklyn, NY
718-388-1725
—
Мишка LA
1547 Echo Park Ave
Los Angeles, CA
213-536-4234

Sometimes, Asian people can be really cool as in the case of Bruce Lee, Chad Hugo, and Japanese people under the age of 25. Most of the time though, they are embarrassing as fuck. And this is only the first video in their love story… Find out how Zoe & Raymond met here.

Everyone loves girls on bikes. Well, that’s if you’re into bikes. If you’re not, insert what ever your hobby is under or on top of the girl and you’re probably stoked. Cars, motorcycles, Kaiju, whatever. The female presence gives your objects a new sense of sexiness. Knowing this, I decided to hit up Jess Versus and see if she wanted to shoot some photos on her new Gran Royale Lurker. She asked what she should wear and I said “what ever you normally wear when you ride”, i.e. not a bikini and heels.

The photos came out great and were well-received by both men and women. Head on over to my blog and check the rest out!

Braces on my fangs… Prolly’d? Yes? No? Either way, read more about it here.

P.S. I don’t care what the newscaster says, being a wannabe werewolf is still being Goth in my book.