McDonalds McFlurry – 628 Calories, 81 Grams of Sugar
Wendy’s Frosty – 600 Calories, 84 Grams of Sugar
Time to grab a bucket and make a gravity bong in your house’s most obscure bathroom, because we’re about to debate the relative merits of two of this Earth’s most accessibly delicious frozen treats. If your eyes aren’t the color of the Martian surface for this Choice Is Yours, then you’re just not doing it right. Any fast food connoisseur knows that these two products are some of the finest that McDonald’s and Wendy’s have to offer you.
Icy cold gut bombs that work like Proust’s Madeline, taking you back to a time when Family Guy was still funny and you were legitimately concerned about using white lighters. For the change dug up from your center console you could afford these unknown pleasures so delicious that you didn’t even care that your stomach felt like 10 kinds of demons later because you ingested approximately 8 million calories and enough cane sugar to rival the all-syrup Squishee. Nothing illustrates the ravages of time like the inability to eat frozen commerce without worry.
I feel like most people will (unfairly) give this one to the Frosty automatically, but the McFlurry has a lot going for it too. I mean, you can put shit in it, so that’s a big +. Oreos, M&M’s, uhhh… other stuff that I can’t remember. And you get that weird combination spoon/tube/whatever-the-fuck that I was never really sure how to use but looked fun. On the other hand, the Frosty is a very pure treat. And you can dip your fries in it, which is a real power move. It’s a tough one. But you know how this works. The Choice is Yours…