That said, Atlanta-based Dead in the Dirt goes way-ass hard; conjuring memories of my brief stint as an entry-level, wannabe-crust, grindcore kid getting day drunk and listening to Insect Warfare records. In other words, it gives me the warm fuzzies of nostalgia. Great music for lamenting humanity and/or the military-industrial complex.
Stream some fantastically vitriolic grindcore below, and look for Dead in the Dirt’s new LP, The Blind Hole, on Southern Lord this Summer.
Summer’s been getting a lot of press lately because, well, it’s fuckin’ Summer. AKA vacation AKA the longest weekend AKA permanent barbecue status AKA girls everywhere. So what better way to celebrate the well-deserved death of Old Man Winter than reppin’ the brewery the gets you there this season?
We collab’d with Brooklyn Brewery this Summer, and brought out some beer merch worthy of both Mishka’s heathen horde and the zymurgical beverage aficionados that’ll be taking care of all your grill sessions this year.
Wear this hard. Wear it while you one-man that keg of Summer Ale up and over your shoulder, past lesser party-demons, and ritualistically tap that vessel of golden elixer; possibly while paying tribute to some forgotten rib god.
What has been on my mind lately? A nice warm, perfectly melted, luscious grilled cheese. Nothing like coming home after a long day of school to a yummy grilled cheezie. They have been so important in my life that I learned to master the sandwich myself. Being able to make a grilled cheese taste like gourmet even with limited supplies.
Why am I so obsessed with grilled cheese you ask? Well it’s hard to explain, but if there was a way to prove my love for them it would be this video made by JustOntask. I have never seen grilled cheese look so sexy.
Chopped and screwed Outkast with the imagery of a foxy lady, kittens, and grilled cheese. Well, it doesn’t get any better than this. I could honestly zone out and stare at this video the full 7:00 minutes. It’s almost as if Andre 3000 slowed down voice is the grilled cheese serenading my stomach. The visuals don’t get better than this.
Not literally, you heathens! There will be no evisceration exploration on this here Bloglin. Well, at least not today. Let’s not limit ourselves for the future unnecessarily. No, this time the X-Ray like look into the rapping chef’s belly comes courtesy of New York Magazine and their almost always entertaining New York Diet feature. In case you don’t know, it’s a weekly feature where they ask a notable New Yorker to keep track of anything and everything they chowed down on that week.
Time to grab a bucket and make a gravity bong in your house’s most obscure bathroom, because we’re about to debate the relative merits of two of this Earth’s most accessibly delicious frozen treats. If your eyes aren’t the color of the Martian surface for this Choice Is Yours, then you’re just not doing it right. Any fast food connoisseur knows that these two products are some of the finest that McDonald’s and Wendy’s have to offer you.
Icy cold gut bombs that work like Proust’s Madeline, taking you back to a time when Family Guy was still funny and you were legitimately concerned about using white lighters. For the change dug up from your center console you could afford these unknown pleasures so delicious that you didn’t even care that your stomach felt like 10 kinds of demons later because you ingested approximately 8 million calories and enough cane sugar to rival the all-syrup Squishee. Nothing illustrates the ravages of time like the inability to eat frozen commerce without worry.
I feel like most people will (unfairly) give this one to the Frosty automatically, but the McFlurry has a lot going for it too. I mean, you can put shit in it, so that’s a big +. Oreos, M&M’s, uhhh… other stuff that I can’t remember. And you get that weird combination spoon/tube/whatever-the-fuck that I was never really sure how to use but looked fun. On the other hand, the Frosty is a very pure treat. And you can dip your fries in it, which is a real power move. It’s a tough one. But you know how this works. The Choice is Yours…
Greedhead is diversifying into the food industry. Or, I should say, at least the culinary documentary industry. This week saw the release of the debut trailer for the Greedhead/Amrit Singh produced short film Dosa Hunt, which follows seven NYC music-business folks of the Indian persuasion as they pile into a beaded van and search all the boroughs for the very best Dosas.
When I was still living around NYU, all the students would swear by that Dosa cart which was right on the southside of Washington Square, and I gotta admit they served a pretty fucking tasty Indian crepe, usually stuffed with other goodness. But, as with most things, if NYU students think it’s the best in the city, then I have to imagine there are literally thousands of other dosa places that are much, much better. Hopefully the members of Neon Indian, Das Racist, Vampire Weekend, Yeasayer, and more can find them.
Woo-ha, that’s a pretty good one. It’s already been a good year for Мишка cakes, let’s keep this gravy (err, icing) train on a rollin’. This one comes from a strange, mystical continent known as Europe. Weird! Where’s that? Our new friend Sjoerd Krijnen, who lives in The Netherlands in the city of Haarlem (namesake for our own borough. The more you know!) just had his birthday and he celebrated with this bitchin’ ocular desert.
Special shouts to the bakery responsible for it, Patisserie Elhorst. Keep doing what your doing, you beautiful Dutch bastards! And a very happy belated birthday to you Sjoerd. The fact that you started your e-mail to us with “Hey people at the Мишка Brotherhood of Blood” made my week. You sir, are a true mopster.
Ahh, the munchies. How I loved you. Though I no longer smoke weed (a handy case of cannabis-inspired anxiety put that habit to bed about two years ago), the aspect that I without a doubt miss the most is the munchies. Eating, as for most cool humans, is already one of my favorite things. That a leafy green plant could take the foods I already loved and take them to a totally new level was astounding from the first time I hit a bong.
The trip to the fridge/pantry/deli post-blaze is of the utmost importance, lest you have to venture back out to satisfy a powerful craving of an item sadly forgotten. After all, everyone has that one specific item that they just must have, even if it’s something weird (I knew a kid who swore by cough drops, but hey, it’s his high). Nevertheless, there are some foods that definitely fall in the “munchies” umbrella, and I’ve tried to collect the best here. I avoided items that required using the oven or stove because fuck that, as well as sit down restaurants. I’m sure getting baked out of your skull and eating at The French Laundry would be awesome, but that’s not really achievable for everyone. So, without further adieu, here are the High Five. Man.
Honorable Mention: Whatever The Fuck You Have Laying Around
This, really, is the beauty of the munchies. There are no rules! I considered putting this at number one, but decided that was probably a cop out. Nevertheless, some of my favorite munchie memories are of totally random shit, usually combined with peanut butter or Nutella. Or weird leftovers, like beef stroganoff or stuffed cabbage. Got cheeses? Grind’em up over that shit and hit it to the microwave son!
Fruit cups? Slurp’em down like there’s no tomorrow. Go through a bakers doz’ and ruin your stomach. String cheese, of course, luncheon meats (wrap some kraft singles around them, don’t be scared little buddy), deviled eggs, stale chips magically become good again, weird frozen dinners, that one starfruit, white bread + condiments, and pretty much anything else.
Some people – read: fools – will tell you that you need to take the trek out to your local bakery to pick up some fresh n’ warm donuts for maximum munchie effectiveness. Not the case! Nothing is better than a sleeve of powdered (powdered only! fuck outta here with the devil’s food) Hostess donuts. If you’ve done this before, you will know that whatever weird chemicals is in the processed powdered sugar produces a strange tingly cold feeling (like those weird “cold” gums) in a stoned person’s taste buds.
It’s part taste experience and part sensory hallucination and all fun. Plus, if you’re feeling real plexx you can throw them down in one bite, or rock the whole sleeve like Homer Simpson out of that donut hopper in that one Treehouse of Horror. Also, extremely cheap/easy to procure.
This is sort of my highbrow/lowbrow category. Plus, I had to do at least one actual NYC shoutout. But I didn’t want to be exclusive, so the first option is good old cereal and milk. I would suggest Frosted Flakes, Cap’n Crunch (though those can do some terrible damage to the roof of your mouth if you’re really grubbin’ down), Oreo O’s (if you have a time machine), Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Strawberry HBO’s. The milk will prevent cottonmouth, and then you can drink its sugary goodness at the end.
Which brings me to my next point: Momofuku Milk Bar products in general, but most importantly their cereal milk concoctions. An idea so devious it could only come from the devil himself. Or, more likely, Momofuku pastry chef Christina Tosi. They basically do the hard part for you (I use that term loosely), by soaking delicious cereals in milk, bottling it, and selling it to you for a fair price. Or turning it into a soft serve. Fuck, that stuff is delicious. Plus, it sorta feels like you’re eating something from Willy Wonka.
Alright, so maybe this is my kind of personal item, but I really think everyone would love it if they tried it. If you’re a Charleston Chew consumer, you probably already do this, but this particular candybar is inexplicably not very popular. They also don’t sell them everywhere, and sometime they only have wack flavors. Don’t fuck around, you want the classic, the ones in the yellow wrapper. And not the minis. Totally different experience.
Throw that taffy/milk chocolate wonderstick in your freezer for a little while and then take a big bite. Make sure you don’t break your teeth. Once again you get a fun cold sensation, but within second the crunchy taffy will go through an invigorating state-change from crystalline and solid to super chewy, like a Now N’ Later in high speed. It’s like a science experiment, but covered in chocolate. PROTIP: if you’re feeling extra stoney, chase with grape soda for bonus loss of self-worth.
I like In N’ Out. I don’t love it like the rest of my California brethren do. It’s a very good burger (I prefer the fries, to be honest) but I don’t necessarily think it’s the end all be all. Except I will cop to the fact that it is a fantastic stoner location. It has palm trees, and that funky diner aesthetic that wards off any negative thoughts. The menu is small and easily memorizable, so you won’t have to think about your order or get overwhelmed (that’s the big danger of Sonic).
Plus, ordering off the “secret” menu feels more clandestine when you’re high, even though everyone and their mother knows about animal style and the flying dutchman and whatever else. The shakes are hearty and packed with sugar, but the real beverage choice must be the pink lemonade. They know it’s good, that’s why it gets its own fountain. Grab your DD from those friendly Mormon’s and chow down: you’re in America now!
Congratulations to you, cold pizza from out the fridge, you are officially the best stoner food! Take a bow! Now, when this list started you knew pizza was going to be on it. Probably near the top. But you probably thought it would be fresh or at least freshly delivered. Incorrect. There are myriad reasons why morning/day or two day (don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone) old pizza is much better.
Firstly, you have instant control over the temperature. You can have it cold, which I prefer and is totally good. Want a little heat? Microwave. Fresh delivered pizza is often mouth burningly hot, but you want to tuck in now! What to do? Put it in the freezer? C’mon man, have some self respect. Also, if it’s in the fridge, it doesn’t really feel like you’re buying it (or at least, you don’t have to transact money then and there). It’s like a wondrous gift, especially if you forgot you had it. Finally, given some time in the fridge, the flavors of the different toppings can really marry together and take on new and interesting dimensions. The cheese (and some other stuff) develops glutamic acid crystals for a boost of Umami goodness.
Comedically (though it is not the most emotionally impacting episode) “Fry and The Slurm Factory” is probably my favorite Futurama episode. Considering how tired the concept of flipping a Willy Wonka type story is, the magnificence that is this episode, the first season finale I believe, really cemented to me how incredible the show could be. Whether it be the F-ray, the Slurm Queen, Fry’s inability to stop drinking the super Slurm, and most importantly secretly morose mascot Slurms McKenzie, this episode is aces from top to bottom.
But did you ever want to try the delicious looking worm excretion that is Slurm? I sure did. Which is why I was so excited when I saw this video on io9, where some intrepid internetters attempt to recreate not only Slurm, but also other Futurama faux-product Bachelor Chow, for an episode of their series Feast of Fiction. Unfortunately, I definitely feel like they went with a cop out by making ginger ale and coloring it green. Fuck is that?! Slurm should be almost the consistency of slime, almost like the all-syrup Slushee. So, dear readers, I beseech one of you, one more motivated than I, to come up with a true recipe for Slurm. I’ll suggest a starting point: cook down some Mountain Dew, na’mean? Then get back to me.
You know her from Brooklyn’s Trouble & Bass, but Vivian Host AKA Star Eyes is actually originally from the West Coast, which is where she takes us in this video, premiering right here. Star Eyes tags then takes us on a tour of some of her favorite places in San Fran. Feelin’ that spicy sandwich at Rheas’s Deli and a proper (devil) burger and fries at St. Francis Fountain. Then onto Paxton Gate & Painted Bird to pickup some taxidermy and black boots. Next, Philz for Coffee (ginger snap iced coffee anyone? Sounds dank), hang out in the park watching people play with devil sticks, and getting a little weird at local dive bars Pop’s & Uptown. The weather in New York is frigid, and just seeing the California vibe is (hella) refreshing to this New Yorker. Viv even spends some time with 5kin & Bone5 who has a remix on our Babe RainbowGreed EP.
Speaking of smacking the dance floor with both hands and stomping your feet, getting gnar twisted with bass pounding harder than you may feel comfortable talking about the next day, Star Eyes has brand spankin’ new bangers for you to sink your fangs into! Her latest release, The Night EP, is centered around her single “The Night” which features Vivian’s soft, inviting voice over blissful synths that carry you through the darkness. It’s like she is leading you with a candelabra on some treacherous journey home.
The EP also has a number of dope remixes on it from people like Hostage, Bad Looks and Deathface. Deathface’s remix of the track is pretty craze and a stark dark turn from the original. The beat goes off on a pretty aggressive tangent. And as with everything he touches, this is definitely not one for the weak hearted. You can cop that remix right now for FREE… Just prepare to bang your little face off!
Over on XLR8R, there’s also a web only exclusive remix by Kkoee of “The Night.”This track is super crunchy piece of House that carries Vivian’s vocals into another dimension.