It seems Complex is getting in the game of making fun of noobs. Following our most recent study of how adults (friends of my mother) noob it on Facebook, Complex has published a fifty-one screenshot collection of Facebook errors made by noobs of all ages. Check out some of my favorite up top and head over to Complex to view the rest.

I’m always impressed with what The Madbury Club is doing. They put some real time, thought and effort to maintaining one of the best sites on the web covering everything from music, TV, film and fashion. A couple of days ago they dropped a pretty frigin’ huge and in depth feature length interview with Mr. Muthafuckin’ eXquire. This is eX’s first real interview since we released of Lost In Translation.

Take the time and read it and get to know eXquire. It’s a really good piece courtesy of Matthew Trammel and I’m sure it’ll even ruffle a few feathers with what he’s got to say. eX always speaks his mind, whatever it may be. Also all of the pictures are by Vinny Picone, who was our old beloved photo intern. Props to Vinny doing his thing!

Read “A Madbury Club Feature: Mr. Muthafuckin’ eXquire” (Click Here)

This Wednesday, Joseph “JK5″ Aloi will be celebrating the release of his second book, Tatt Book: Visionaries of Tattoo courtesy of Rizzoli. Unlike his first book, Subconsciothesaurusnex, which featured his own illustrative work; this new tome has JK5 curating and presenting the work some of the world’s most innovative and incredible tattoo artists.

Featuring some of the most important contemporary tattoo artists who are making cutting-edge graphics, typography, and customized artistic masterpieces. Tatt Book: Visionaries of Tattoo is a unique collection of the designs of the most creative contemporary tattoo artists from around the world. These contemporary tattooists are, first and foremost, artists creating tattoo designs inked on the human body as well as works for galleries and personal collections. Curated by the renowned artist JK5 and including work from over twenty distinguished artists, such as Stephanie Tamez, Mike Giant, and Scott Harrison, Tatt Book explores the intricate customized body art and also the artwork these “inking” geniuses do outside the tattoo studio. This will be an indispensable reference catalogue for type forms, illustration, fine art, and design in a time where tattoos are a mark of personal creativity and individuality.

I know Joseph is a pretty humble dude, but I hope he devoted a chapter to his won work because he truly is a visionary of tattoo in his own right. The book is available now and they’re throwing a release party this Wednesday at the Mexico Showrrom. Check it out!

Wednesday October 26th, 7-10pm
Mexico
22 D Howard St.
New York, NY

One time a preacher went to see if he could put a haunt to rest at a house in his settlement. Thirty years later, that very haunt is back as a series of T-shirts, courtesy of Karmaloop! Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark is a three volume children’s book series released between 1981 and ’91, meant to terrify children into never leaving the house. Not really. It was only meant to scare children into staying away from abandoned houses and not being total brats. The series, often catching flack for being too scary for children, featured re-tellings of folklore and urban myths compiled by author Alvin Schwartz. The series is a beloved childhood classic at the Мишка offices and if you look closely you’ll even catch one of the illustration from the series as one of our Bloglin headers.

The real objection by critics, however, came as a result of the disturbing, gruesome images by illustrator Stephen Gammel. They were awesome. There were drawings of skinless faces, disfigured wolves, and dancing corpses; they were the perfect images for kids to see and subsequently grow a pair (except in some cases, like mine, in which I am straight up terrified of all scary movies and freak out when I’m alone at night).

Seeing as the illustrations were so awesome, Karmaloop has teamed up with Scary Stories publisher, Harper Collins, to reproduce the images on tees! Now, say your cousin is eight, and obnoxiously spoiled, and won’t read, you can wear one of the disturbing shirts when you visit him and still absolutely terrify him. You might even scare him into picking reading a bible. Additionally, the release is just in time for Halloween, so if you think you’re too cool to dress up you can at least don one of these tees. But, really, you should dress up, and not be so lame. But you should also buy one of these tees, because they’re fucking frightening. Hit up Karmaloop once you stop screaming.

This week there will be no High Five and you’ll instead be treated to the Bloglin’s original countdown, Hateball’s “My Top 5.”

So what’s the big idea, son? We don’t hear from you for, like, months, and then it’s twice in a week? I mean…jeez. It’s almost like it’s someone’s birthday and almost like they asked you if you could throw some posts up to, like, fill, while they attempted their first day off in, like, months.

Rilly. Seriously.

It’s like that (headslide) and that’s the way it is. Almost exactly. Here I am….typing from my lap, with a twin-toothed monster chomping at my toes…getting a post or two up this week so as to pitch in and let someone relax. Like, way relax. Chillax, even.

And, while we’re pitching in, I figured I’d write about a shared interest that this person and I have, so boom. My Top 5: Spider-Man covers.

—–

5. Amazing Spider-Man #306 (Humbugged) // Illustrated by Todd McFarlane

Throwaway storyline. All the 300 shit has sort of died down. Now what? Let’s Biggie-Tupac on some Action Comics shit. If you count backwards from 328 (which subsequently led to Spider-Man #1, which very shortly thereafter led to something called Spawn and Image Comics) you can sort of imagine Todd McFarlane staring at himself in the mirror of his helicopter living room and telling himself how awesome he is/was. Which, at this specific moment, he was. #mcSwag #ballFarlane

—–

4. Spider-Man #23 (Revenge of the Sinister Six) // Illustrated by Erik Larsen

Gog, dude. Gog. Have you ever read ‘Revenge of the Sinister Six’? This is Erik Larsen on some HUGE Scottie Pippen shit. Jordan’s gone, son. Time for someone to step up and fill some shoes. Fill some damn big shoes. This storyline is so fucking epic…it kind of takes away from Kevin Smith’s run on Daredevil…that saga is so weird and diverse and left-field…but this arc is left-fielder.

Read it. Or just look at the covers. But this cover is the best. I mean to say, ALL FUCKING THREE covers of this comic are amazing. Full wraparound, yo. For $1.75. Larsen probably made $900 for writing, pencilling, inking, and covering this issue. How about we reboot back to this moment in time?

—–

3. Amazing Spider-Man #325 (The Assassin Nation Plot) // Illustrated by Todd McFarlane

As with 306 above, I have little affection or recollection of this story, but it’s Red Skull. This is sort of an epic, all-american Jack Ryan-type cover, and I think it looks boss. The story is probably a little flat, but on the other hand, Todd probably sexed Silver Sable the hell up, so go fig. I love this cover and have always remembered it.

—–

(more…)

If you’re from New York and grew up or worked in or around any of the Hasidic enclaves, you probably caught a glimpse of the Shomrim at night rolling around in their unmarked vans full of stoic looking Jews you wouldn’t want to fuck with. If you’re outside of New York, hell, even outside of Brooklyn, the thought probably seems completely surreal. Most people think of the Guardian Angels as NYC’s vigilante organization since they’ve been fully engrained into our pop culture lexicon; but the Shomrim have been going strong for almost 20 years patroling places like Williamsburg and Borough Park, operating mostly outside of the law. Up above is a recent recruiting film of these badass Jews at work taking down the bad guys, who of course are mostly going to be either black or hispanic.

I found the video pretty campy and surreal, and I know these dudes exist. Shit’s looks like some bad 80′s cop show crossed with a Tim & Eric bit. I wish there ere bonus features complete with the casting call for the “criminal element.” Anyway, If this vid peaked your interest, the Village Voice just did a big expose on the organization who were flung into the spotlight recently because of the brutal murder of Leiby Kletzky. Go check it out and don’t fuck with the Jews.

As of late, I’ve been scouring the world wide web vehemently in search of the books of my past. Who cares, right? Well chill out bro, these aren’t just any books I’m talking about; They are the ones that as a kid, I would read from cover to cover and then crack open again or return to my school library and check out again the next week. They are the novels and novellas that, please excuse the cliches and sappiness, held the keys to the doors of my imagination, flinging them open wildly and letting in creatures of insurmountable wonder along with the movable, magical, lands they came from. Still with me?

You see, dorkiness is bound to no age bracket or singular event, those with any sense will tell you, “Once a nerd, always a nerd”. Its that budding nerd within me that calls out now, ordering me to flip through my memory bank and revisit the literature that made me the jerk I am today. I did just that with all of my “research” leading me right back here to compile The High Five again for you fine, loyal readers. If you failed to read the title, I will be counting off my five favorite and most formative sci-fi and fantasy fiction, this excludes anything outside of the genre and the likes of Harry Potter, Narnia, or Lord of the Rings, got it? Good. Let us begin.

—–

5. Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH  (1971) by Robert C. O’Brien

There’s some flying rats up in this bitch. To be exact the rats don’t have the capability to fly on their own so they use a crow, whose life they saved if I’m not mistaken, as a means of traversing the skies. Pretty, pretty, good. These laboratory rats, former prisoners of N.I.M.H., or more plainly the National Institute for Mental Health, have an increased intelligence level due to experimentation on them by humans.

Mrs. Frisby is some pathetic field mouse but then these badass mutated rodents show up and help her escape a farmer’s plow and welcome her into their liberal yet technologically-advanced communal lifestyle. The rats’ leader is named Nicodemus and I will surely be naming my first-born that. The filmic adaptation, The Secret of NIMH, is rad too and I recommend it to any fan of animation.

—–

4. Ender’s Game (1985) by Orson Scott Card

Chances are you’ve either heard of this book or the author or both. Wanna know why? It’s mainly because Ender’s Game is considered to be one of the greatest science fiction works ever written or at least amongst my friends it was. Here’s the abridged version — Humans and insects are battling it out in space as the Earthlings attempt to defend their planet and colonize the other.

They are training and recruiting kids in the third and upcoming war against the bugs, teaching them to wipe-out the Hive Queens. One of those kids is Andrew “Ender” Wiggin who possesses the tactical ability and inborn fighting skills to destroy the Formic (insect species) completely. He climbs the rungs becoming the most valuable exterminator in the ranks and then his conscience hits back. That should be enough, go read it, seriously. Long live OSC.

(more…)

Yesterday, it was revealed that ESPN The Magazine would be running a story in its next issue, out September 5, titled “What if Michael Vick Were White?” with the subtitle reading, “Since the day he was arrested, people have asked. The answer isn’t what you think.” No, the answer was not what anybody thought, as it turned out to be another instance of using a controversial, inflammatory headline to boost print sales.

However, along with the ridiculous title came the below illustration of what ESPN suspects Vick would actually look like were he white. Now, overnight, sports nerds everywhere have been shaming ESPN by making their own “What if Michael Vick Were…” images, including the one up top by The Source of “What if Peyton Manning Were A Black White Michael Vick?” Below check out the original “What if…” image along with some of the best imitations.

“What If Michael Vick Were White?”

“What If Michael Vick Were A Ginger?”

“What If White Michael Vick Were Black Michael Vick?”

“What If Michael Vick Were Marcus Vick?”

“What If Michael Vick Were An Actual Eagle?”

“What If Michael Vick Were A Vegan Chocolate Ice Cream Cone?”

“What I Michael Vick Were Made of Barbecued Spare Ribs? Would You Eat Him?”

Via TotalProSports

Whether you want to pigeon-hole seminal 80′s rockers Voivod as Speed Metal, Progressive Metal, Thrash, or Intergalactic Warcore (as Pantera member Philip H. Anselmo saw fit to do), I’d be willing to bet that nobody would ever dispute the fact that these dude are HEAVY. This ever-evolving gang of Canucks have been at for almost 30 years now, after releasing their debut material at some point in 1982, but show little sign of losing any steam within the near future. Leading the Voivod charge has always been drummer Michel Langevin, who generally assumes the pseudonym Away, and who’s also recently decided to add book scribe to his long list of credits.

According to a press release showcased on the official Worlds Away book homepage, Langevin has bee:

Feverishly making art and even more feverish music since the late 70″s.  (Worlds) Away is a living legend in the extreme metal underground.  As drummer, chief conceptualist, lyricist and of course maniacal psychedelic sci-fi artist for the star-straddling Voivod, he has constructed fantastical worlds that have entranced cyber-thrash listeners and galaxy watchers since the band’s debut album back in 1984.  Worlds Away is his intensely creative life boldly told in words and pictures.” 

As you could imagine, any Voivod fan worth their salt should consider this thing required reading.

Upon scowering the internet for a short bit this afternoon, I wasn’t really able to track down much of the artwork or content that’s actually contained within the new book. Taking into account the caliber of Voivod’s extensive body of work though, I’m sure this thing will be a quality read. Take it from former Metallica bassist Jason Newsted, referring to the metal auteur and author, when he claims that “From his unique, creepy-scratchy scrawlings and early age computer generated images, to nearly three decades of beautiful and futuristic album concepts, Away is a true pioneer of heavy metal drumming, drawing and digital art.” While I’m just a lowly copy writer, this dude played in Metallica! He probably knows what he’s talking about.

Anyway, head over the tome’s official website, and pick up a copy of your very own. With any luck, our very own first-pressing hard-cover copy will be showing up at Мишка HQ any day now.

I’ve been an absentee Hateball, I know. Was it last time that I told you (all?) that I wouldn’t start posts like this? Sadly, I do not have the time to go check…which is the first (and second) rule for how to spot a poor interjournalist. I suppose you will have to just shoot me.

Alas—forsooth!—I have been busy with my other family. My secret family. The one that doesn’t really translate to my internet life. Sure, they are involved, but, well, it’s different. If you’re my real internet folks, then this beautiful creature sitting next to me is my hidden mistress, and this not-so-tiny version of myself at my feet is—yep—a keep-a-Hateball baby.

But! Like any deadbeat would say, I’m here now. And that counts for something…right, champ? I know I been busy, but I been out there—up on my grind, steady mobbin, cold lampin on them curbs, stunting like a daddy. Like an actual daddy. So ya. On the real. Haters at east, playas say please. Let’s talk about some toys.

Much to my sort of huge shock and surprise, I was recently asked to participate in an upcoming book. A book about collectors. Apparently, when approached by the curator of the project, my good galpal Skinner told the person that my collection puts his to shame. Or something. Which was both very very nice and very very wrong. Still! This person reached out, and I sort of half-jokingly accepted, assuming that any book/publication (present company excluded, of course) that would have me MUST be a joke. So let’s joke. When it’s on it’s on.

And then I decided to take it seriously. Really wanting to document this year of our Lord (and baby) as it relates to my toy collection. Who knows? Maybe something will change in the next year or two and I won’t have it anymore (no plans, but still). It might be good to get things in order and do a survey..and hey! what a great opportunity, right?

So, for the past week or two, I’ve been diligently trying to push myself to take ‘good’ photos of my ‘best’ stuff. I’ve been attempting to ‘actually’ write answers and be ‘interesting’ in response to interviews. I’m thinking of themes for essays. That’s right: I write essays. No shit.

One of the stipulations of my participation in this thing—a stipulation I outlined at the beginning—was that I would not, under any circumstances, attempt a ‘collection’ shot of my toys, as I did not really want to tear my office apart. I didn’t want to learn about photography in that way. And I didn’t want to take the time. It was out of the question.

And so, in true Hateball fashion, I present to you a super-quick 2-minute flyby of the setup for the ‘collection’ shot I just took. The final shot will be submitted for the book and of course be rejected because of some flaw in craftsmanship. Or something.

REJECTED

SRSLY: To get all photogeek for a second. I took it at 20mm in 1 shot at F/22 with natural light. Was OK. Bad reflections. Then I decided that I wanted it crisper, so I took it at 50mm (also at F/22) in 2 shots and bungled the stitch. THEN, I returned with my 35mm portrait and also still had to get it in 2 shots, and the result was good once I removed the doors from my cases. And foiled the windows and switched to fluorescent light. Which I count as a sin. Against God and nature.

Finally, I used my business partner’s micro 4:3 shooting RAW at 90mm and stitched no less than 12 shots together. Unreal. It took, literally, the computing power that I assume UNREAL took a few years ago.

This thing here, though, was done in about 30 minutes using the Flip we got at our baby shower. I had a Jericho-sized headache at the time and could only see out of my right eye. I hope to return to the scene of the crime and take something longer…possibly narrated (that’s what she said). We’ll see. Please, at the very least, enjoy the sound of Danzig’s voice.

For now, Hateball’s gotta go away for a few days. I’ll be right back I promise…maybe we can go on that fishing trip NEXT weekend. Be good for your Crook while I’m away. And download Relics of Dune if you haven’t already. Best mix I’ve heard all year.