I looked at your ex-girlfriend’s Instagram today. She changed it from public to private. How am I supposed to see all the latest fashions her and her malnourished nouveau bohemian rocker friends are wearing or how her European dream vacation is going? I just don’t think I’ll be able to relax until I see another picture of her side profile smoking a cigarette on some Parisian balcony. Let’s take a look at yours. Let me scroll down a couple hundred pictures until I find some from when it was just you two versus the world and we were still pretending we were just friends. AAARRRGH! As I sit here stewing in my sweltering apartment trying to write, I find the availability to your past lives to be fiercely distracting. This got me thinking: With access to all we ever wanted to know (or didn’t for that matter) about anyone and anything, are we being overly saturated with unnecessary and perhaps–dare I say, detrimental information?
Let’s face it, we come from an excessively informed generation. My household has had the internet since Prodigy and I got my own computer when I was like eight or nine years old. Needless to say, it’s been difficult to delete myself from Google images. I’ve always questioned the idea that just because we can see it all, we should. I mean that’s what stopped me from watching 2 Girls 1 Cup, yet regrettably did not stop me from watching a series of cyst extraction videos on YouTube for like ten minutes one day. I love that I can Google search my ex boyfriend and have his mugshot come up with “BUSTED” written in bubble letters over it, but I don’t love that he can Google search me and find out my current address or see pictures of me 25 pounds ago on a giant trampoline with my baby niece from someone’s old MySpace account. Really, I’m torn.
The adventure and mystery of getting to know someone are quickly dissipating and I find myself becoming a bit more cautious when signing up for the latest social media bullshit or geo-tagging myself having a frozen yogurt on a hot Tuesday afternoon. I deleted my Facebook almost two years ago and I still think it was one of the better decisions I’ve made in my adult life. How did the internet turn us all into creeps? Don’t leave me hangin’ here, guys. I know I ain’t the only one wasting time lurking people I used to know, or worse, people I don’t even know! My iphone is the master of time-suckage and I think it needs to turn back into just a phone…and a GPS, and a camera…and a mobile Netflix. Fuck.