I almost promised myself I wouldn’t post this but it’s early in the morning right now and I’m making poor choices. The newest leak from Cam and DJ Drama’s upcoming mixtape Boss Of All Bosses 2.5 is a tribute to everybody’s transit beat down meme. Listen:

If there is some strange reason you want to keep this song forever then download it here.

*BONUS* Feel free to vote for my first and last LOLCAT.

DJ Khaled dropped his latest album Victory today, and the third single “All I Do Is Win” now has a video. This song is an anthemic hood banger and I won’t be the least bit surprised to start hearing it on the block once the weather warms up. Oh yeah, did I mention that Ricky Ross is reppin’ Mishka HARD in the video. Yeah. The guy who’s raps are so ridiculous that you can’t help but want to hear more (kind of  like that pathological liar you would smoke weed with in high school when your stash ran out.) Our oversized mop 59Fifty never looked so gangster as it does in this video. I guess there is something to be said about the visual impact of stuntin’ with a Rolls Royce and a bad bitch by your side. RAAAWWWWWWSSSSS!!!!

What up to DJ Craze, the guy behind our latest Keep Watch mix, who caught the Oversized Mop hat in the video and tweeted it. Not only should you download the mix if you haven’t already, but you should follow him on twitter.

I hate all holidays except for Halloween and the Fourth of July.  Every other holiday mostly serves to make lonely people miserable and aggravate family stresses to the point where people are screaming at each other and throwing shit. I think that Christmas, Valentines Day and New Years Eve are all evil and wrong. Thanksgiving is a little bit of a fence sitter but it still makes people feel like shit.

Despite hating the holidays I do like the week after the holidays when all the candy is half off.  I was in a Rite Aid where I picked up a Snoopy Valentine that contained really bad peanut butter cups, a Hello Kitty valentine with chalky candy bracelets inside and a Barbie valentine with conversation hearts in it.  I actually like these godawful candies even though I know it is wrong.  These were weirder than the ones I was used to.  Half of the candies just said “OH BOY” but the others ranged from confusing to threatening.

I am supposing that these hearts were made by people in another country who got some old conversation hearts and English words which they then programmed into the machine that prints words onto candy hearts in a very computer-like font. I like to imagine little girls faxing each other or Barbie being so in love with someone that she is moved to fax him a very passionate letter.

I am not sure if the candy is saying that things are hopeless or encouraging you to hope less. Either way, grim.

I got dewy eye from putting my head in a litter box one time. That suckkkked.

These seem to be written by and for depressed people who sit around all day by themselves.

I will get you next time.

When?

Don’t leave.

Is timing romantic? So many of these seem to be about the past and the future. “What now?”, “Yes now”, “When?”, “Next time.” It’s like whoever was writing these just passed the portion of the English for Malaysians class where they taught how to refer to things existing in time.

In the wacky world of Hollywood remakes and mash-up news comes word that Scorsese and Antichrist director Lars von Trier may be joining forces to remake 1976’s Taxi Driver. To further the head fuck, it’s rumored that Deniro is supposed to star in it a second time 34 years later. I honestly couldn’t have guessed a more unlikely combination than Scorsese and Trier but I can’t hide the fact that I’m seriously intrigued.

Lars might just be crazy enough to pull this off providing he leaves the black and white slow motion of Deniro’s grey balls out of the final cut. Fingers crossed this gets made for a thousand reasons.

*edit: Oh Mars just filled me in that this got squashed this morning. Bummer.

Via Slash Film

Some students from Carnagie Melon University devised a way to play Dungeon’s & Dragons on the Microsoft Surface. Yeah I don’t know what the hell a Microsoft Surface is either but this looked pretty effin’ cool and efficient way to gather your friends and slaughter some Orcs.

However at around the 2 minute mark in this demo I realized that they totally digitized the dice. You can’t digitize the Dice!!!! We all have our rituals and methods for rolling that you can’t just transfer over into the digital world. Oh well, this is pretty cool regardless. And yes Prolly I saw you retweeted this, congrats. We have a medal waiting for you upstairs in the office.

I love Star Wars too much and have been wasting my limited amount of money and time on this Earth pursuing colorful objects related to the marketing marvel/film series for a few years now. I’m obligated to write for the Bloglin and I’ve run out of ideas so I’m just going to revert to what I do best; be a gigantic loser who stays indoors and obsessed over objects in an attempt to avoid human contact. Humans…they disappoint on every occasion but my Star Wars dolls will never betray me or complain about my bad cooking. Here are the ten objects that make life bearable for me.

10) Custom Disneyland Blanket

This is my Star Wars blanket featuring me and my main man/monster, The Vidiot. I got this made after riding Star Tours at Disneyland. People usually assume that I am actually wearing that costume and it’s eerie how Carrie Fisher and I have the exact same hands. Also no one ever recognizes the guy I’m with as being Vidiot.

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9) My Jabba the Hutt set-up

I traded in two and a half suitcases full of comic books to Jim Hanleys in order to get the Jabba doll and throne. Jabba, his dais, Bib Fortuna, Leia in her Boushh disguise and the little vermin of Jabba’s palace are all by Sideshow Toys. Boba Fett and Slave Leia are by Kenner. The background is a colorforms board that was found in the trash. I used to stare at this thing for hours when life got too hard. My eyes would unfocus and I would be transported into a world where everyone spoke like they had the intelligence of nine year olds and bathrooms don’t exist. A world where a giant slug monster is somehow capable of lusting after a human woman.

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8) Sigma C-3PO tape dispenser

I’d been coveting this perverse Japanese item for years before I was able to find one at an affordable price. Sigma, a Japanese company that makes porcelain stuff, produced a bunch of really cool Star Wars items back in the early eighties. The other item from this series that people know is the Taun Taun teapot where the tea comes out of the Taun Taun’s mouth, making it appear that your tea is being vomited into a cup. There’s nothing I don’t like about this tape dispenser but what I like the most is that Star Wars’ gayest character is reclining on his back, inviting you to reach out and pull something from between his legs. Also it is beautiful to look at. These things smash easily so they aren’t as common as old Chewbacca action figures with bit marks on their heads.

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7) Star Wars Record Tote

This record tote was only available from Disney theme parks in the eighties. I used to bring it with me when I DJed vinyl records so long ago.

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6) Kenner Large Size Boba Fett doll

Besides the gay tape dispenser, Kenner’s large size (not 12″) Boba Fett from the original line was something I wanted for much of my high school years. This thing is like fifteen inches tall, comes with a detachable belt, wookiee scalps, a belt, a cape, a gun and a complicated and easily breakable rocket pack. It even has a little hole in the back of his head so you can see what he sees through a little sneaky scope. God this thing is so wonderful. I also like the inconsistencies between the movie costume and this doll. Those big red and yellow bricks on his forearms are pretty goofay. I cuddle with this guy.

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Maru played with a stick of the inside.
Therefore I corked it.
He is desperate to take out a stick of the inside again.

Mrs. Hateball and I have been following the antics of Maru, the adorable internet cat for a couple months now. the last time I posted cute cat shit to this blog (would link but cannot find! Doh!), I got completely and totally flamed, but, well, that was about a year ago, so I figured I’d try again. The true irony is that I am absolutely NOT a cat person, but for some reason, when someone documents the lives of their pet(s) on the internet for (what at least seems to be) their own happiness and no other reason (even though I think this person put out a book or something?) it just sort of makes me smile.

To boot, I am in the land of Maru at the moment: chilly Tokyo. I was going to take the week off of all things internet, but, sadly, I am sitting in my crackerbox (pun intended) of a hotel room waiting for my bank to call be back…my cards have been frozen because I have obviously stolen them and am attempting to run up fraudulent charges at Snoopy Town and Secret Base. Duh.

Still: sitting here, watching Sumo wrestling and drinking Asahi is pretty relaxing. I have to admit it. Even though I’m staring into this goddamned device, I can’t help but smile: after this is more Infoquake (started it on the plane), and then I’ll wake my lovely bride up and we’ll either go get noodles at Hanamaru (the cheapest date I’ll ever have) or try to venture into some fine dining. Either way, we’ll follow it with single-serving Hagen Dasz from AM/PM and come back to the room with a few tallboys. Here we are, big and ridiculous in Japan. Again.

I’ll hopefully have some awesome photos to post next week. I’ve already spotted the most offensively amazing (and hot) poster I’ve ever seen in my life, and it’s just my first day. Gozaimas.

Ever wonder what your favorite fast food mascots are getting into when they’re not selling you fried chicken and burgers?

Yes, yes I know this is starting to make the rounds but we haven’t had some solid Juggalo content up on the Bloglin for too long of a stretch than I’m comfortable with. Before you it play be warned… This Juggalette mosh pit has no Necksnappaz :(

Anyone that knows me, knows that I buy a lot of crap off of eBay. I have really curbed my spending habits this year, but I was still able to get some pretty cool stuff. I’ve kept the titles as they appeared on eBay for each item and tried to post the actual auction photos from eBay where I could. But ever since eBay has implemented a better photo upload system most of the photos are small and suck.

These are in no particular order, they’re just my favorites over the year.

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10) VINTAGE SPOOK MAGIC MONSTER SHOW SKULL MASK ADVERTISING

I paid way too much for this sign, which could also double as a mask, but I had to have it. It’s a pretty cool vintage relic for a spook show. Spooky.

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9) VINTAGE MYSTERY FUN HOUSE ORLANDO FL STICKER & BROCHURE

I grew up in Central Florida. Anyone else who grew up there around my age has probably been to Mystery Fun House. I remember going for the first time back in 1985 and being scared out of my mind. This is just one of those sorts of attractions that no words could ever do justice, which sadly closed down many years ago.

When I was digging through a bunch of old floppy discs, I found one that contained a ton of photos that I took while visiting Mystery Fun House. You can check it out on my flickr. This sticker and brochure are gold to me.

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8) Vintage Madballs Green Claw Monster- Mad Balls-Mad Ball

I bought a lot of Madballs this year. Mostly bootleg ones. This is one of my favorites of all time! I call this one the Lamour Supreme Bootleg. I actually put in a bid of $150 to ensure I won this beauty. Luckily, it only sold for around $30.

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7) Vintage Madballs Hanging Eye! Mad Ball – Madball

Here is yet another pretty amazing bootleg Madballs piece I got. There is a flesh colored skeleton hand pulling an eyeball out of the head’s eye socket. It’s so gross!

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6) Vintage 1980’s Clip Toys LOT Alf E.T. Smurfs Garfield

These fall into the category of “Hey! remember those things?!” My friend forwarded me this auction because he knew how much I liked bootleg E.T. items. Good find!

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