Archive for the ‘Lists’ Category

The Captain's Previous Entries

Lady Blogs

Thursday, May 8th, 2008

girlblog.jpg

Since there’s typically an overdose of testosterone on the Bloglin, I wanted to shout out some female blogs, and spread some love to the female fans of Mishka or the Bloglin!

- IS MENTAL: Amanda along with a few other ladies talk about everything from clothes, to technology, photography and beyond.

- Stagg Party: (NSFW) My good friend and amazing photographer shows off her porn photography.

- Brooke Nipar: Another good friend, showing off her great photo work.

- Things We Heart: Store Owner Jill Bradshaw of I Heart (where I work) shows you what’s new and what’s going on in fashion, and merchandise for the store.

- Worship Worthy: This one’s been around for a bit, it’s pretty tip top.

- Missbehave Magazine: This superstar women’s magazine has a blog too!

- Ephemeroi (Windchill): Not really a girl’s blog, but it is run by an awesome girl; Trudi Chan. Site has amazing listings for NYC events and happenings.

*I’m sure I’m missing some great ones. Hit em up in the comments section

Mike Jones's Previous Entries

Bros & Guns

Thursday, April 10th, 2008

bro guns

This dude plays Guitar Hero.

P.S. There are too many categories. Proceeds from this picture will go to all the charities and benefits found on the bloglin.

P.S.S. Feel free to protest. :D

Twerps!'s Previous Entries

My top 10 eBay Purchases of 2007! - Twerps!

Monday, December 31st, 2007

In keeping the tradition of doing everything last minute. I offer MY top 10 list of 2007. My top 10 eBay purchases of 2007! I actually haven’t done that much buying this year but I used to be an eBay animal, a Powerseller even! But I have kind of slowed down these days.

I was going to post the actual photos from the eBay listings whenever I could, but I didn’t save all the photos, and some of the auctions have expired from the eBay database, so oh well. I did however tirle them ALL as they were listed on eBay. These are in order of when I bought them this year rather than my favorites. Enjoy my dorkdom!

army_of_darkness_african_movie_poster
10. AFRICAN MOVIE ART POSTER HAND PAINTED CANVAS GHANA
This is one of the most favorite things I own. It is a hand painted African Movie poster of Army of Darkness. In different parts of Africa, they have these traveling cinemas that show American movies. Most of them are horror, action, sci-fi… basically movies they don’t really need to be translated to be understood. Local painters hand paint posters for the films on rice bags for the traveling shows.

beastman_masters_of_the_universe_costume
9. Beastman Masters of the Universe Ben Cooper costume
We did an art show out in Toronto earlier this year that was Masters of the Universe themed. We did the window display and part of that display had child mannequins in these vintage vinyl costumes that we already had a bunch of. We however did not have a Beastman, who was one my most favorite of the He-Man villains because I’m obssessed with Bigfoot, The Skunk Ape, and other hairy beasts. But unfortunately this costume never arrived in time and we weren’t able to even use it the show! But we paid a pretty penny for it and it now makes a lovely decoration for our office. Check out our Gallery for pictures from the show!

killer_klowns_from_outer_space
8. KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE Chiodo POSTER
When I first heard the title of this movie as a kid I seriously thought it was a joke. I mean it is, kind of… know what I mean? I always loved the artwork for the movie poster, and this one is in Spanish, double the radness, I guess. On a side note, If you rent this flick, listen to the Director Commentary! Some of the best on any DVD.

rude_ralph_mishka
7. RUDE RALPH / 1986 / AXLON / VINTAGE
I actually already had one of these guys, but I couldnt remember his name. So when I finally found out his name and saw him on eBay, I bought another one. He’s basically a giant Madball, but wasn’t produced by Amtoy. When you pull Rude Ralph’s eye out of it’s socket he makes burps and fart noises. If forced to explain who is/was a genius I would probably describe the guy (or gal) who created Rude Ralph.

occulus_pop
6. 1986 AmToy Head Popping Mad Balls Oculus Orbus Figure
One of the Madballs action figures. His eye (head) pops off! Oculus Orbus, now you know!

slobster_mishka
5. RARE boglin Slobster the Lobster Pet monsters 80’s toy
I didn’t remember this Boglin until I saw him on an old advertisement. This Boglin is a lobster creature, how fucking sick is that!?

madball_argentina_mishka
4. 1980′ MADBALLS “BRONCUDO” RARE ARGENTINE VARIANT BAGGED
When I saw this guy on eBay, I freaked! Argentina gave us some truly amazing bootlegs of many popular 80s toys. I’m really glad they bootlegged Madballs as well. I bought this from a guy who I also bought a ton of Argentinian A-Team (or Brigada A as they are known in Argentina) stuff from.

devil_nodder_mishka
3. Vintage German Devil Satan Nodder Bobble Head Germany
This was purchased as a result of my bi-monthly eBay search of “vintage devil.”

fucked_me_over_Mishka
2. Vintage BeBe’s Kids Ghetto T Shirt 80’s Hip Hop Mishka
Man, this auction really fucking pissed me off. I had won this on eBay and was stoked. But the next day the seller emails me and says someone in the UK offered him $150 (I paid $40) for it and he had decided to sell it to him instead. What an asshole! Sigh…

my_pet_monster_mishka
1. 1986 Amtoy My Pet Monster w/ Original Handcuffs
On our last trip to Japan, Mikhail and I saw one of these guys in a vintage toy store. We both had him as kids, but this is NOW and we needed one NOW! My Pet Monster… I know you know whats up!

Shark's Previous Entries

TOP BASS BANGERS 2007

Monday, December 31st, 2007


No order, No control!
Grind your teeth, let’s go!

-SKREAM, “oskilatah” (skreamizm vol. 4)
-BLAQSTARR, “Gon Break It Down” (The King of Roq)
-BENGA and COKI, “Night” (Tempa30)
-RUSKO, “Cockney thug” (Babylon: Volume One)
-DEXPLICIT, “Lollipop Bass” (The Niche & Bump EP)
-DIZZEE RASCAL, “Sirens” (Maths & English)
-DJ MEHDI, “Signatune, Thomas Bangalter rmx” (Lucky Girl EP)
-DUBCHILD, “Bumbaclart Riddim” (ARMY007)
-DROP THE LIME, “Pump up NY”
-GROOVE ARMADA feat. STUSH, “Get Down, Calvin Harris rmx”
-GUI BORATTO, “Terminal” (Chromophobia)
-HIJACK, “Hijackin, Herve fuck fuck mix” (On The Brink Of Hype)
-STARKEY, “Corner Store feat. Xploder” (Corner Store EP)
-PASSIONS, “Get Hype”
-POMOMOFO, “Back At The Club, Boy 8 Bit rmx”
-PROXY, “Ready 2 Watching”
-DIDDY feat. CHRISTINA AGUILERA, “Tell Me, Switch rmx”
-TEENAGE BAD GIRL, “Vacuum” (Cocote)
-TREVOR LOVEYS & SINDEN, “Organ Grinder”
-ZZT, “Lower States Of Consciousness”
-M.I.A. “XR2″ (Kala)
-T2, “Filth” (The Monster Dubz EP)

Make sure you follow these artists and get all their tracks.
Hold tight! Brooklyn dance mosh crew!

Mr. Malta's Previous Entries

Mr. Malta’s Totally Posi Top 9 of 2007

Saturday, December 29th, 2007

So I was going to bitch and complain about the sad state of affairs in New York City and how everything is wack and nothing has any flavor and blah blah blah. Then I said to my jaded self, “self, things are way better here in New York than in 95% of the world, so curb those negative vibes, embrace that inner-hippie and tell the people of the internet what’s really good, not really bad.”

So with this newfound optimism I present my Top 9 things That Totally Ripped in 2007…

PorkChop
9.PorkChop
Jon Nicholson aka PorkChop aka Private Sector for years has quietly been making some of the most off-kilter psychedelic house music in these parts, holed up in his Brooklyn studio under the JMZ tweaking synths, jamming drum machines through effects units and recording that shit straight to tape, dude is producing some of the most rugged jams around. Further solidifying his legendary cult status, this year Jon did a three day non-stop improvisational music performance recording the entire 72 hours to cassette at the Grace Space. Aside from being a member of the Black Label Bike Club, PorkChop can be found DJing various venues around the 5 boroughs and doing time in avant-noise outfit Excepter. To say this guy inspires me is an understatement. Keep an eye out for some vinyl releases from Jon in early 2008.

Malvoeaux
8. Malvoeaux
aka Steve Summers aka Death Commando aka Rhythm Based Lovers aka Teen Laquifa aka Twin Roots. These are all the alias’ of one Jason Letkiewicz. Formerly of the Washington D.C. area and just recently a San Francisco transplant, Jason is destined for something big in the near future. In this past year during any given week I could count on an email coming from Jason containing new tracks from any of his numerous projects. An analogue outboard machine freak, equipped with an 808, 909, 707, Roland Juno-106 and various other pieces of machinery, Jason has, in my opinion, mastered numerous electronic music genres in tasteful and effective fashion. From 86′ jack-house, to electronic disco, to John Carpenter-esque soundtrack music there have been no boundaries for his creative output. Check out his tracks and see for yourself at CONFUSED HOUSE And if you download his tracks and play them out on your Serato, make sure you give credit where credit is due or drop the man a line and let him know you’re digging the jams. Again another major source of inspiration for me this year.

Eric Copeland
7. Eric Copeland’s (of Black Dice) first solo record, Hermaphrodite
I’ve been jamming this hard since I got a copy this past summer, but it wasn’t until the past weekend when I hit the peace pipe and jumped on the train back from Philly that this album got deep inside my head. I know that it takes a certain mind state to feel the effects of the Dice and their related projects, but I couldn’t help but feel as I closed my eyes that there were hundreds of tiny bugs crawling all over my face. HIGHLY recommended.


6. The visuals on Danny Perez
Here is a man who never leaves his home with the exception to walk his dog Boris and it shows. Deep beneath the clouded bongwater and the four walls of his editing room lies an individual intensely committed to creating a body of work that will be remembered for years to come, though hardly digestible by the masses. You may have seen his work this year flashing behind the stages of such acts as Panda Bear and Black Dice whilst giving tripping sixteen year-olds epileptic seizures. 2008 will see the completion of the full length Animal Collective “don’t eat the brown acid” movie entirely written, directed and edited by Perez. A beyond killer bro for sure.

Pissed Jeans
5. Pissed Jeans
A punk band that’s not afraid to be a punk band. They get up on stage, plug in, and play for 25 minutes straight, unplug their gear and leave the stage. No bullshit, no antics, no claims to be this or that, just unrelenting heaviness in the vein of My War era Black Flag with a tad of the Germs thrown in for good measure. Sure you hear a lot of people compare new bands to such mega-outfits of yore, but Pissed Jeans truly lives up to these standards in today’s mundane world of rock n’ roll music.

DJ MozArt
4. Claudio Rispoli aka DJ Moz-Art
Thanks to the magic of ye ol’ internet, I came across this really mind-blowing Claudio Rispoli aka DJ Moz-Art mix from 1979 and have rocked it non-stop since last winter. Rispoli was one of the residents at the Baia degli Angeli in Italy alongside Daniele Baldelli who were among the pioneers of the Cosmic/Afro funky sound. The song selection and mixing on this tape is so on point for the time, gets me amped every time I play it. Features tracks by Ron Wright, ORS, Joe Gibbs and the Jam Band, and Queen Samantha among others.

marcuss mixx
3. The Music of Marcuss Mixx
Unearthed by some dude named Thomos, the music of Chicago House boozebag/screwball Marcuss Mixx has risen from the dead and hopefully to a dancefloor near you. A total tweaker who worked with legendary Chicago House DJ Ron Hardy towards the end of his career, Mixx has produced some seriously left field tracks, with only more to come. Should I leave my blow-up doll because she doesn’t like House music? I don’t have the answer to that Marcuss, but check out Let’s Pet Puppies to find out more.

Couch
2. Not Living on a Couch Anymore
I was living on random couches for almost two years. I now have an apartment again, and for that I am thankful.

Baked Ziti
1. Ziti, the dish
What do you all know about Ziti? What about a tray of Ziti? Or even Marie down the block who is rumored to make a terrible tray of Ziti. Ziti has been my cornerstone meal for years, it never lets me down, it’s cheap and if you know the right spots you will be treated lovely by this dish. Now don’t just walk into one of those broke-dick Rays Pizza’s and try to get some Ziti, because you will be very disappointed. I would suggest hitting Lalocanda at 432 Graham Ave. in Williamsburg as they know how to do things right. And if you don’t know about Ziti by now, well I really can’t tell you much more. All Hail Ziti!

This is Mr. Malta signing off for 2007… adios!

Twerps!'s Previous Entries

Ron Will Never Mess Up Your Order Again!

Friday, December 7th, 2007

Ron_is_gay

Prolly's Previous Entries

Prolly’s Top Ten Albums of 2007

Friday, December 7th, 2007

So, I should be doing the mountain of work that’s in front of me, but I felt it was neccessary to show to the world the music of 2007 that’s enabled me to crank out work this year.

My list is kind of all over the place. Ranging from Metal to Dubstep and a few genres in between.

So here it is, my Top Ten albums….

apparat.jpg
10) Apparat - Walls
When I first heard Duplex, I quit listening to Autechre completely. Apparat is a German producer that’s put out a ton of great”deconstructivist” beats over the years. As he’s moved up and up in the circuit, his music has gotten a lot softer around the edges. Now, he’s singing over his tracks, which is OK, but not the music I am used to. It’s still a great album and Walls will be one of my favorite albums of all times, it’s just not his best.

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9) Trans Am - Sex Change
Trans Am will always be one of my favorite “indie” or rock bands. I imagine this being a CD that I’d let my kids listen to and as they were having their minds blown, I’d be like “OK, time to listen to Red Line, their best album…”

mia.jpg
8) M.I.A. - Kala
This chick blows my mind. I remember back in 2004 when Piracy Funds Terrorism came out. Diplo had drobbed a bomb on the bootleg world. I had just moved to NYC and was seeing Hollertronix and Diplo as much as I could. Then I saw MIA at Central Park and knew she’d be a hit. The best thing about her is that she’s tolerable across the board. I have friends who like poppy shit who still find MIA’s music great. I’m not sure if it’s all her sampled beats, or catchy hooks, or the fact that she’s fucking hot, but MIA’s albums are always great. Not to mention my girlfriend sweats her hard.

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7) Between the Buried and Me - Colors Open it up!!!!!!!
These guys are what happens when Hardcore kids ACTUALLY know how to play their instruments. Back in NC, we tip our hats off to BTBAM. They’re a local legend. Here in NYC, they sell out venues too and I’ll mosh all night to their breaks. Colors was a major benchmark in their career. Taking notes from Tool and Carcass, they’ve matured their style into the next level. Tommy’s vocals are still brutal when needed and melodic when Paul’s guitar beckons for a cozy pit sing-a-long.

Still, the only band where I’ve seen big dudes moshing one minute and the other minute, they’re holding their buddies and getting teary-eyed.

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6) Distance - My Demons
DJ Distance is known for producing Dubstep. The reason I first got turned onto him is he is also known for sampling metal in his beats. Dark riffs and breaks can be found in his first full-length, My Demons. Luca (Drop the Lime) first told me about this album and I’ve been hooked all year on it. Traffic will open a pit up in any sweaty UK club for sure.

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5) Dubstep Allstars 5 Mixed by N-Type
Any album that samples Thirteen Ghosts in the opening track and pulls from heavy hitters like Benga and Coki, Skream feat Slaughter Mob, Pinch and Distance gets HEAVY rotation on my iPod. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been riding my bike while listening to this album and when the Benga and Coki track drops, I almost punch a tourist.

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4) Matthew Dear - Asa Breed
If you don’t know who Matthew Dear is, pick this album up. I really can’t say anything about it other than it’s ranked above my favorite Dubstep albums of the year…

nin.jpg
3) Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero
Now I know what you’re thinking. I was never a mall-metal kid, I never painted my nails black and I never shopped at Hot Topic. Trent Reznor is, in my opinion, one of the best musicians alive today. He’s the John Bohnam of the day if you will. When you look at his catalog of albums, Year Zero hits hard. It’s nice hearing him angry again and while it’s a highly political album, it doesn’t get preachy.

kingofroqfront.jpg
2) Blaqstarr - King of Roq
Baltimore Club has gotten a lot of publicity in 2007. One of the names you may have heard of is Blaqstarr. Amanda, my girl, is from Baltimore. Every time we go there, we listen to the local Club station. You can’t go five minutes without hearing a Blaqstarr track. His shit is banging. The best part about this album, is you have to buy it from Downtown Locker Room in Bmore, which is where I got my copy. He’s now on Diplo’s label Mad Decent, so expect to hear a lot more from him in ‘08.

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1) Burial - Untrue
FUCK THE HATERS. This young kid from the UK has produced the most influential Dubstep Album of 2007. It may be a little too “slow” for some people, but I highly recommend buying it and giving it a whirl. No one knows who this kid is. He never plays live shows and samples Metal Gear solid in his tracks.

My Pal the Crook's Previous Entries

Top Ten Albums of 2007 (My Pal The Crook)

Thursday, December 6th, 2007

Starting today, various Bloglinites are going to post a variety of Top Ten lists for 2007. We’ll probably have some repeat lists that reflect each individual Bloggers personal Top Tens on certain subjects. I’m going to kick things off with my list of the ten best albums of this past year. Go out and buy some of them.

BondeDoRole
10) Bonde Do Role – With Lasers
Probably my favorite all-out party record of 2007. I always have one; last year it was C.S.S. and in a way, this album doesn’t stray too far from that same feel. This is good times, dance all night to breakbeats, booty bass, chanted Portuguese vocals, and metal riffage.

Municipal Waste
9) Municipal Waste – The Art of Partying
Sludgy stoner metal has seen a nice resurgence in 2007, but where’s my thrash!?? Sadly, thrash has not been blessed with a legion of hipsters laying down allegiance in the way they have to High on Fire or Mastadon (and deservedly so) with their sludgy, ear drum-rupturing riffs and live shows. And unfortunately, thrash isn’t experiencing a rise of upstart bands who are taking the sound, style, attitude and ideals back to what made the genre so great in the first place, the way stoner/doom metal has experienced. But thankfully, Municipal Waste were back this year with another face-peeling album.

Meneguar
8) Meneguar – Strangers in Our House
Building on one of my favorite records of the past few years (I Was Born at Night EP), Meneguar continue their assault with catchy guitars licks, toe-tapping beats and hooks so infectious that even the most jaded of hipsters will wave their fists in their air and chant along. This is exactly what great indie rock should sound like, and thankfully, some bands out there are still making it.

Deerhoof
7) Deerhoof – Friend Opportunity
Deerhoof have been one of my favorite bands for a long time now and it’s been really amazing hearing them evolve from a noisy no-wave outfit into this bombastic, indie rock version of a prog/krautrock band with cute Japanese vocals. While my favorite aspect of Deerhoofs’ ever-evolving sound can be found on the Apple O and Milkman albums, where their no-wave met pop structure, I still can’t help but be bowled over by how successful they are in doing something as ambitious as this album to take the next step in their evolution. It’s lush and each song has twists & turns that weave on a grander scale than Deerhoof has ever attempted. This album is probably their full evolution into a new band from who they were. It’s only singer Satomi’s delivery and cuddly voice that not only softens the imposing sound they’ve created here, but hearkens to the Deerhoof of old.

Big Business
6) Big Business – Here Come the Waterworks
Big Business are no novices to making killer metal. Jarred Warren was in Karp, and both members of Big Business joined the Melvins ever-revolving cast to make the best Melvins’ album since Houdini, (A) Senile Animal. Here Comes the Waterworks is a never ending assault of thick heaviness. This is doom metal at its best, because it sounds like an impending apocalypse by a typhoon of bong water.

Justice
5) Justice – †
I don’t know if there is much to say about this album that hasn’t already been said. Justice shot so far into the public spotlight this year that I’m sure they’re going to get whiplash from how quickly the backlash starts/has started in already. But this is what it is: an amazing dance record and an amazing debut akin to Daft Punk’s Homework. Justice work their beats so heavily and bombastically, it’s like Iron Maiden doing electro. And if you’re keeping up with my musical tastes, then you can easily see why I would love this album.

Of Montreal
4) Of Montreal – Hissed Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?
In college, The Elephant 6 collective were the Big Thing–the next huge indie rock movement. It’s really funny, considering that 10 years later, most–if not all–of those bands basically sputtered out with whimpers instead of the impending bang everyone was predicting. All but one: Of Montreal, which in itself is kind of funny, considering how low on the totem pole Of Montreal ranked during Elephant 6’s hayday. That fact, and also just how weird and un-listenable their earlier albums were; it was like 60’s-70’s psyche being arranged by a lunatic. To be honest, that assessment of their sound hasn’t really changed that much, they’ve just evolved and learned how to present their style amazingly well over the course of their past 3 albums, which is when they began tinkering with synth-pop as a method of delivering their psychedelic madness. Hissed Fauna is the apex of that trip. I have to be honest, I though Sunadelic Twins (their previous album) was going to be the apex, but Kevin Barnes is just full of surprises. Hopefully the next surprise won’t be converting more Of Montreal songs into Outback Steakhouse jingles.

Chromatics
3) The Chromatics – Night Drive
I almost feel inclined to write the entry for numbers 3 and 2 together, since both albums and bands have gone through similar changes, share members and have similar sounds. But I’ll break it up! I’m starting to notice my top ten list for 2007 is full of bands who have drastically evolved from who they were years ago, and the Chromatics are no exception. I was actually shocked when I heard them on the awesome Italians Do It Better – After Dark compilation and then on this album. These were the same Chromatics as from earlier years? I was a fan of their first two releases, which were great art-damaged psyche rock being channeled via Chrome (which may be where they took their name from, I don’t know). But since I stopped paying attention to the Chromatics, they added a female vocalist (one album ago on Shining Violence) and Johnny Jewel from Glass Candy. The band had changing members between the first two albums, with only founding member Adam Miller ever remaining, but their sound didn’t change much. This album, on the other hand, is a world of difference. The Chromatics are now a full-fledged, cold/darkwave dance band, and an excellent one at that. It’s keyboards and production are seductive without ever falling into the trap of being overly cheesy that hinders many synth-pop revivalists. And that’s really it, this album doesn’t sound like they’re reviving or homaging a long dormant genre, they just belong to it.

Glass Candy
2) Glass Candy & The Shattered Theater – B/E/A/T/B/O/X
If Johnny Jewel was the genius behind the change in the Chromatics (3), then he still had enough left in his tank to save the best for his original band Glass Candy & The Shattered Theater. Like the Chromatics, Glass Candy were a band I used to like way back when and just kind of grew out of them. They put out one “real” album, which, much like the Chromatics, was staggeringly different from this album. They’ve since toured endlessly and made a slew of tour-only releases (B/E/A/T/B/O/X being the most recent one). While the jump in sound and style wasn’t as dramatic with Glass Candy as it was with the Chromatics (thanks solely to Ida No still doing all the vocals), it still made me do a double take when I heard them on the same Italians Do It Better- After Dark compilation that reacquainted me with the Chromatics and found out that this was in fact Glass Candy. Regardless of it being a full length or not, B/E/A/T/B/O/X is an amazing album in the vein of traditional Euro cold/darkwave. It actually sounds so authentic and awesome that it could go head-to-head with Snowy Red, Holy Toy and any of those classic bands from the 80s. This IS that good.

A Place to Bury Strangers
1) A Place to Bury Strangers – S/T
And now onto my number 1. When I first heard the name “A Place to Bury Strangers,” all I could think was that I hoped they sounded half as awesome as their name was. Thankfully, they do sound every bit as awesome as their name would imply. I have to admit that my recent re-awakening to shoegaze is probably why this edged out the other releases for #1. Regardless, the album is fantastic: the fuzz of the guitars is an absolute blanket of sound, the feedback is mesmerizing, and the melodies and arrangements bring back fond memories of Spaceman 3 and The Jesus and Mary Chain (but not in that paint-by-number way The Raveonettes did a few years back). Fuck, if I was still playing guitar, I’d be frantic to know their effects rig! (Thankfully, those who still play and want that sound can simply hit up frontman Oliver Ackermann’s Death by Audio and get their own custom effect pedal rig). Unlike most shoegaze and dream-pop, A Place to Bury Strangers does something I always wished more shoegaze bands of the 90s would have pursued: getting more aggressive with the sound. It doesn’t just wash over you, it drowns you. And the undertow drags you down and keeps hitting you over the head with an almost industrial, “Ministry’s Land of Rape and Honey-style” assault, all the while keeping the sugary melodic arrangements that dream-pop is known for. I can’t wait for another album, and I usually dread follow-ups to albums I love.

Honorable Mentions: Deerhunter - Cryptograms, Battles - Mirrored,  Italians Do It Better: After Dark Compilations, Pinback - Autumn of the Seraphs, Les Savy Fav - Let’s Stay Friends, Prodigy -Return of the Mac, PigDestroyer - Phantom Limb, High on Fire - Death Is This Communion

Mike Jones's Previous Entries

And You Thought It Was All Over

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

The Crook’s countdown hopefully rekindled plenty of memories of late night grade school sleepovers and smoked out trips to the theater in high school. Perhaps it inspired some of you to hit up the horror section at your local video store (or browse the depths of Netflix if you’re like me). Since it’s impossible to avoid overlooking at least a few forgotten films, here are ten more films (in no particular order) that I suggest taking the time to watch.

sentinel

10. The Sentinel (1977)
An old roommate of mine was obsessed with this film, so when I finally sat down to watch it I quickly understood his fascination. The Sentinel is filled with trippy cinematography and off the wall dialogue, giving it an edge over the typical Catholicism driven story of good versus evil. “Black and white cat, black and white cake!”

funhouse

9. The Funhouse (1981)
While it’s not as legendary as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre II, Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse is another excellent example of the twisted ability to warp a macabre story of murder and mayhem into a comedic piece of cult cinema. I’ve always thought carnies were a little on the creepy side, but nothing compares to the freakshow that a group of high school kids come across while trying to get their kicks after hours in a funhouse.

videodrome

8. Videodrome (1983)
James Woods, Debbie Harry and David Cronenberg… do I really need to say anything else? While I know that should totaly be enough to warrant renting (or better yet buying) this flick, the story and visual effects totally kick ass. I love movies that confront technology with a cynical twist, especially when they manage to maintain a relevant edge after 25 years. Videodrome is no exception to this.

Re-Animator

7. Re-Animator ( 1985)
Stuart Gordon’s adaptation of the H.P. Lovecraft classic is a comical take on the deceased and the idea of taking your obsessions too far. This movie has just about anything you could ask for in an 80s flick: Creepy weirdos, headless corpses, hot tits, angry dads, dead cats… Seriously, don’t sleep on this one.

bad ronald

6. Bad Ronald (1974)
You could say this is sort of a favorite amongst some of us here at Mishka. I remember seeing this movie on TV as a kid, and always being fascinated by the campyness and general absurdity of it. Imagine a socially awkward weirdo living in a hidden closet while being secretly cared for by his mom. That’s Bad Ronald. Love him or hate him, it is what it is.

invaders

5. Invaders From Mars (1986)
This is another one of those movies I saw on TV while growing up and remembered as being stranger than it was scary. Tobe Hooper directed this remake of the 1950s classic that involves an alien invasion that threatens to disrupt a small town. The aliens have these seriously grody boils on the back of their necks which always grossed me out as a kid, and it totally rules that the film plots a child protaganist against the villainous teacher. School sucks!

castle freak

4. Castle Freak (1995)
Once again, Stuart Gordon adapts an H.P. Lovecraft story, only this time it involves a crotchless freak that inhabits a castle. Castle Freak stars both Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton who had already appeared in Gordon’s Re-Animator. The couple move into the castle, where they eventually learn an abomination has been locked up, waiting to wreak havoc. If the film’s cast wasn’t enough to capture your interest, then perhaps a hooker getting her tit gnawed off by the freak will force you to queue this gem up on Netflix.

chud

3. C.H.U.D. (1984)
Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers? An underground sect living in the sewers of New York City? Flesh eating toxic mutants that feed on the homeless? Yes, yes and yes. This cult classic has plagued the realm of horror films for over two decades, accumulating a growing fan base that can’t get enough of this films amazing acronym based title and it’s irresistible plot surrounding a mysterious society of mutated humans that feed on NYC’s unfortunate.

tremors

2. Tremors (1990)
Desert dwelling rednecks and giant worms made Tremors an early Nineties staple. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Kevin Bacon starred in this gem and it’s no coincidence that he wasn’t in the sequel. Fred Ward rules as a gun toting rebel handyman, while Michael Gross and Reba McEntire play a couple of hardcore survivalists. As the tagline claimed, it was the “monster movie that broke new ground!”

hard rock zombies

1. Hard Rock Zombies (1985)
Even though it’s not a Troma video, Hard Rock Zombies totally plays out like one. I originally rented this movie on the basis of it’s title, after all, how can you go wrong with a bunch of undead metal heads. However, I bought this movie because not only does it have a hard rock zombies, but it also has an entire absurd Nazi subplot involving human experimentation and Hitler’s secret escape to California!

Like I initially mentioned, the Crook suggested a ton of awesome flicks that I myself would’ve mentioned. If you’ve got the time (and are a total horror buff), then check out all of these films. However, if you’re like us and are lucky enough to have one or two free nights a week, then simply make sure that you absolutely see these gems: Event Horizon, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Dead Alive, The Thing, The Serpent and The Rainbow, The People Under the Stairs, House and Street Trash.

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In Need of a Cult: Top 50 Horror Movies Deserving More Fans! Part V, No. 10-1

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

Well here we are, my top 10 Horror movies deserving more attention, fans and accolades! I hope you’ve enjoyed the list and it prompted you to rent or netflix one or a few of the movies on this list! Head here for the start of the list, and the criteria in creating it.

Ginger Snaps
10) Ginger Snaps (2000)

Two young suburban sisters must cope with a werewolf bite and all the changes that start occurring in the bitten sister’s body. This film, like Teen Wolf, uses werewolf transformation as a metaphor for puberty, or–more specifically, here–menstruation. It’s as charming, and clever as Teen Wolf in exploring the sudden changes the teens are facing, just not as comedic in it’s delivery. Ginger Snaps is also a lot like May (no. 12), in that it explores teen girl angst and alienation (a la Heathers and Jawbreaker) in the guise of a horror movie. The acting by the sisters (Emily Perkins & Katherine Isabelle) is so on point as angsty teen goth girls, that for that reason alone, it is worth seeing this film if you’re into goth girls, I guess. Ginger Snaps also spawned two other worthwhile sequels, and to me, is one of the best werewolf movies ever made.

Night of the Creeps
9) Night of the Creeps (1986)

When alien slugs descends upon Earth and begins turning everyone in town into zombies on the night of the big dance, four teens must not only defend a sorority house, but also keep their libidos in check! Fred Drekker’s (Monster Squad, House – no. 23) directorial debut is an excellent one. This was one of my favorite movies growing up and is a zombie movie in much of the same tradition as Return of the Living Dead. It’s a very funny movie that never takes itself too seriously and features great effects. I have no doubt this movie would today be mentioned in the same breath as Return of the Living Dead, if only it was still in print! Legal difficulties have made this should-be classic unavailable.

Bloodsucking Freaks
8) Bloodsucking Freaks (1976)

Sardu & his midget assistant Ralphus run a sadomasochistic torture theatre show that is the talk of NYC! The audience thinks it’s just amazing trickery, but actually it’s all real torture! This movie is a beyond-warped comedic film that takes shock and exploitation to a new level of depravity. I don’t think 10 minutes goes by without some sort of demeaning scene to the female captives! They are used as toilets, dinner tables, anything imaginable along with being tortured to death on stage. Thankfully, the film does not take itself seriously whatsoever. It also basically kicked off the direction and style Lloyd Kaufman would later make his own through Troma, and Eli Roth would so wonderfully employ in Hostel. It’s a very influential film that every horror fan must see!

Mother’s Day
7) Mother’s Day (1980
)
On Mother’s Day, three female hikers soon discover they’re not alone in the woods. And, unfortunately for them, their new-found friends will do anything (to them) to impress their mother! I think I’ve mentioned Lloyd Kaufman’s name countless times in the course of this list (and there will be more times before I’m done!), but this gem is written and directed by his lesser-known brother, Charlie. Charlie’s directing doesn’t steer far from his brother’s style, humor, effects, and subject matter. Being in the shadow of such a prolific and revered director as Lloyd is an unfortunate turn in terms of this film’s ability to gain a wider recognition, but Mother’s Day is every bit as good, weird, gory, funny and shocking as Lloyd’s Class of Nuke ‘Em High, Toxic Avenger, and Troma’s War.

Brainscan
6) Brainscan (1994)

A horror junkie searching for the next thrill finds one in the form of a new, terrifyingly realistic video game known as Brainscan! I’m sure you’ve probably passed this movie at the video store and just saw it as another blunder in Eddie Furlong’s career between T2 and Pecker, like Pet Sematary II (no. 21). Well, if you did, you’d be very, very wrong! Brainscan is what I’d like to think Paul Verhoeven (Total Recall, Robocop, Starship Troopers, and Showgirls) would make if he made a horror movie. Now, I’m not sure if director John Flynn and writers Andrew Kevin Walker & Brian Owens intentionally set out to follow in Verhoeven’s footsteps by exploiting cliches, camp, and over-the-top ridiculousness in an attempt to satire the very film they were making, or if the acting, script, and directing in this movie just kind of came together the way it did. I’d like to think everything is intentional, because it’s just so perfectly calculated not to be! And since Andrew Kevin Walker is also responsible for scripting such films as Se7en and 8mm, and Michael (Eddie Furlong) is a gore hound, I have to think that every little cheesy, clichéd nuance in this tale is completely intentional. And don’t get me started on the teenage metal-head absurdity that is Trixter, the villain of the film. Brainscan is definitely the Showgirls of horror films, and if I have to explain what that means to you, then this film’s devices might just go over your head.

Tromeo & Juliet
5) Tromeo & Juliet (1996)

Lo and behold, another Lloyd Kaufman mention! Much like how Romeo & Juliet is viewed as a Shakespeare masterpiece, Tromeo & Juliet is a Troma masterpiece. While this movie is credited to Lloyd Kaufman, his then protégé James L. Gunn was actually behind the directing chair most of the time, and the results are just amazing. Truly the greatest film adaptation of Romeo & Juliet ever made. In large part because of the penis monster…

Cabin Fever
4) Cabin Fever (2002)

Five college students spend a weekend retreat at a cabin, which soon turns deadly and gross when a flesh-eating virus starts making the rounds in the secluded country community. Eli Roth made a name for himself with Hostel, but Cabin Fever, his directorial debut, is every bit as good! I have no doubt in my mind that Roth is the heir apparent to Raimi’s legacy. No one today works comedic timing and gore the same way Roth does. He’s a great director, a great writer, and also very good at casting his films (an often-ignored talent). While it was released to good reviews, Cabin Fever didn’t do much at the box office and later was overshadowed by Hostel. Do yourself a favor and rent this movie if you’re a fan of Raimi, Jackson, and Hefenlotter.

Martin
3) Martin (1977)

Is Martin a vampire, or just crazy? This is a forgotten classic from George Romero, and his best attempt at fusing a comedic tone into his style (Creepshow being another great example). Martin is a brilliant film that showcases Romero’s directorial genius. Even if you’re not a fan of Romero’s other work (The Dead series, Monkey Shines, etc., etc.), you should see Martin. It’s a unique film that deserves much more attention, and is very different from any of Romero’s other movies.

Street Trash
2) Street Trash (1987)

A case of forgotten hooch in a liquor store cellar begins turning the local wino community into colorful sludge. This film is as humorous as it is weird. It’s truly an amazing film. The kind of skill J. Michael Muro demonstrated in Street Trash should have put this director on the fast track to mega-stardom like Sam Raimi and Peter Jackson. His style, execution, and skill with effects are on par with any of them. But this is the only film Muro would ever direct. I forget where, but I read that Muro became very religious not long after Street Trash, His priorities changed and he just never pursued directing again. I’m not sure if that is true or not but he has since gone on to become a celebrated camera man, working on big production movies, but one salivates to think what any of those hits might have been like if he was in the director’s seat rather than behind the camera.

Maniac
1) Maniac (1980)

Here we go… number 1! And what a number 1 it is. When people talk about great slasher flicks, movies like Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre always come up. But the original Black Christmas (1974) only occasionally, even though it helped define the genre and was carbon copied by Halloween. But what is even more surprising, Maniac never comes up, even though it is hands-down the greatest slasher film ever made! I suppose not having a costumed, horrific or supernatural killer is what keeps Manaic’s fame at where it currently is, which is a shame considering that Frank Zito is a much more terrifying, depraved and realistic character than Jason or Michael Myers could ever hope to be. No movie makes NYC seem as scary and grimy as Maniac, and no slasher movie goes into the mind of the slasher as effectively. Terrific effects from Tom Savini, excellent directing by William Lustig (who would later create the Bruce Campbell-led Maniac Cop and it’s many sequels minus Campbell), and an amazing lead performance by Joe Spinell (R.I.P.). Spinell a character actor who’s face would be familiar to any fan of 70s crime, action and mafia flicks took this rare opportunity to play a lead role and really delivered. Maniac is Friday the 13th meets Psycho. It’s fantastic, and criminally slept on, so please - if you are a self-respecting fan of horror, go out and rent this film, you won’t be disappointed!

Happy Halloween!

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In Need of a Cult: Top 50 Horror Movies Deserving More Fans! Part IV, No. 20-11

Tuesday, October 30th, 2007

We’re really getting into the thick of it now! 20-11, some of my absolute favorite movies of all time here. Enjoy and again if you need a refresher on the criteria for making this list go here. Now on to the list!

Cigarette Burns
20) Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns (2006)

Ok, so this isn’t a movie, it’s an episode of a TV series, but it’s totally a stand-alone, self-contained story, so I’m considering it here as an hour-long film. The story focuses on the hunt for a print of a rare film that is said to contain very strong and mysterious properties. It’s probably the best thing John Carpenter has done in almost 20 years, and it’s up there with some of his best work. Showtime’s Masters of Horror series set the bar so high with this episode, that almost everything before and after has been disappointing. This is such a great story, executed perfectly by a true Master of Horror.

Dog Soldiers
19) Dog Soldiers (2002)

A British military squad on a field exercise in Scotland find themselves surrounded by a pack of hungry werewolves. Pretty simple premise, right? Right! This movie’s as basic as it gets. It’s just a great survival film, with great acting, action, and direction. (And the first 30 minutes really remind me of Predator!) Director Neil Marshall got acclaim last year with Descent, which was widely viewed as the best horror movie of the year. In my opinion, Dog Soldiers is far more superior.

From Beyond
18) From Beyond (1986)

Experiments by scientists to activate a sixth sense in the human brain go horribly wrong, freeing malignant creatures from the 4th dimension… with some horrific and sexy results! Stuart Gordon is one of horror’s most underrated directors. He’s best known for the cult favorite series Re-Animator and, but Gordon has directed many other great horror yarns. He always brings a fantastic sense of humor to all of his work, along with super gory effects, and erotic undercurrents.

Inferno
17) Inferno (1980)

Any self-respecting fan of horror acknowledges Suspiria as a defining moment in horror cinema, and Dario Argento as one of horror’s all-time great directors. So it’s a shame that the sequel to Susperia is not as widely acknowledged. Granted, Argento isn’t reinventing the wheel here and he sticks very much to the same story and formula of Suspiria, but it’s still spooky as hell, with some of the most beautifully directed horror scenes ever! It’s a worthy and excellent companion to Suspiria. (One only hopes that La Terza Madre, the third installment in the series due out later this year, is just as worthy.)

The Tenant
16) The Tenant (1976)

With all of his character flaws, I think it’s pretty easy to forget that Roman Polanski was a great director with some excellent horror movies in his catalog. The Tenant is an excellent psychological thriller that was pretty thoroughly panned upon its release. When the story begins, housing has become so scarce in Berlin that even the apartment of a woman who has recently jumped to her death becomes a prized catch to a young man named Trelkovsky. He moves in, but soon the paranoia over what exactly caused her to jump sets in! Polanski casts himself in the lead, and what we get is a wonderful amalgam of Hitchcockian suspense, Argento’s use of mood, color, and lighting, and Polanski’s own sense wit and humor.

Slither
15) Slither (2006)

This movie features James L. Gunn, a former Lloyd Kaufman protégé, in his first credited directorial debut. (Gunn is also the man responsible for scripting the excellent Dawn of the Dead–no. 46–remake.) Slither is your basic tale of alien slugs who descend on a town’s population, turning them into zombies and obese larvae incubators! The effects are top notch, and so is the very heavy-handed humor (which is to be expected from this former Troma talent). This film received some glowing reviews when it came out, but then just kind of got forgotten. If you’re a fan of Eli Roth (Hostel) or the Evil Dead series, do yourself a favor and rent this.

Brain Damage
14) Brain Damage (1988)

Drug addiction can be a real fucking bitch when your pusher is a one-foot parasitic slug with a taste for brains! This is a gross, and humorous tale about the perils of drug addiction. Frank Henenlotter, like Stuart Gordon (From Beyond–no. 18), is one of horror’s most under-acclaimed directors. The man is a genius, who, like Scorsese, has a real knack for capturing the grimy, gritty beauty that was New York City in the 80’s. While he definitely has a very strong following for his Basket Case trilogy and Frankenhooker, Henenlotter should be admired as much as Sam Raimi for his awesome vision in both slapstick and horror. Besides the above mentioned movies, Brain Damage is Henenlotter’s only other film. This is probably a good reason why he still toils as only a perennial cult favorite, but word has it that he is set to release a new movie with the help of fellow gore hound (and under-appreciated rapper) R.A. the Rugged Man.

Mod Fuck Explosion
13) Mod Fuck Explosion (1994)

Mod Fuck Explosion really isn’t a horror movie, but it’s just so fucking bizarre I can’t think of any other place to classify it (though it definitely fits the category of “cult”). The film is West Side Story meets Doom Generation meets a Guitar Wolf album meets Quadrophenia meets… you get the picture. This is like the best Troma film that Troma never made, and it’s a shame director Jon Moritsugu hasn’t done anything since 2002’s Scumrock. Thankfully, this was released on DVD last year, because believe you me, if it wasn’t, you’d have had a hell of a time tracking a copy down!

May
12) May (2002)

Imagine Carrie told via Heathers or Jawbreaker, and viola, you have Lucky McKee’s May. May is a very well-paced psychological thriller with all the warm fuzziness that romantic comedies give you in allowing you to root for the underdog. May is about a traumatized young woman’s desperate attempts to connect with anyone besides her dolls. It’s really quirky, endearing, and very twisted. Like Eli Roth, Neil Marshall & James L. Gunn, Lucky McKee is one of the preeminent modern horror directors and I can’t wait to see what his next film is! Though I’m pretty sure given his track record there will no doubt be a lesbian love story/scene of some sort in it, somewhere!

Nekromantik
11) Nekromantik (1987)

As I’m sure you can guess by its title, this film is indeed about necrophilia, so I’m really not surprised why it hasn’t received wider recognition! I’m also pretty certain this film was not only out of print until just this past year, but banned in many countries. Add to the fact that it’s in German, and black and white, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see why it’s number 11 on this list. A young couple enjoy making love with a corpse, but when Robert loses his job cleaning up crime and accident scenes, he loses the ability to bring in fresh bodies for their hellish orgies. His girlfriend Betty leaves him (taking the corpse, of course), leading him down a spiral of despair that leads to his eventual demise. Despite its horrific premise and very disturbing imagery, Nekromantik is shot and directed like an art film rather than a horror flick. This makes the subject matter more objective and easier to take in. Like Cemetery Man (no. 31), this movie is very existential, but it replaces the humor with despair. Also, keep an eye out for the terrific erotic/slasher mini-movie that Robert goes to see in a German grindhouse during his search for new meaning in his life.

Tomorrow in honor of Halloween we will conclude this list with my Top Ten and hopefully some other Top Tens from other Bloglin contributors!

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In Need of a Cult: Top 50 Horror Movies Deserving More Fans! Part III, No. 30-21

Monday, October 29th, 2007

Only two more parts to go! Need to know the criteria for making this list? Follow this link!

Night of the Demons
30) Night of the Demons (1988)

In this movie, a cast of miscreant teens celebrate Halloween in a spooky abandoned funeral parlor. As per usual, the Goth girl performs a séance, which unleashes a malevolent demon. This demon possesses her and her BFF… and the slaughter ensues! Night of the Demon is one of those movies where everything wrong with it comes together to make it so very right. Bad acting, silly dialogue, gratuitous sex, interesting gore, and best of all, an interpretive dance to Bauhaus’ “Stigmata Martyr”. It’s campy, and way more funny than actually scary. Definitely for fans of Troll 2 and The Ghoulies!

Wishmaster
29) Wishmaster (1997)

Wishmaster is one of those movies I’m sure you’ve seen at the video store and wondered how (and when) it managed to spawn three sequels of itself. It obviously has a following (but who’s following it, you might not have been sure). The character of Wishmaster is an evil genie trying to ply his three wishes on any poor soul who’ll take them, which will allow him to gain human form. Now, I’m sure you’ve seen enough Twilight Zones or Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horrors to know never to take a genie up on his offer… your wishes never quite turn out how you wish them! Wishmaster (and all the sequels) are excellent watches, if only for the gory and humorous results of all the misguided wishes. That, and the hilarious acting, and of course Robert Englund!

People Under the Stairs
28) People Under the Stairs (1991)

What starts off as an urban horror movie (a genre very popular in the early 90’s) quickly shifts gears into a comedic and campy tale of a seriously dysfunctional family, their creepy house, it’s trapped inhabitants and one poor kid’s attempt to escape its clutches with some gold coins! Wes Craven casts Big Ed Hurley (Everett McGill) and Nadine Hurley (Wendy Robie) of Twin Peaks fame as the demented Ma & Pa. Not really so much scary as just weird, demented and amusing.

Vault of Horror
27) Vault of Horror (1973)

Amicus made lots of these anthology films in the 70’s. All have the same basic premise: 4 or 5 men meet or are trapped somewhere, and each begins recounting a tale of horror that somehow relates to them. Tales from the Crypt and The Torture Garden are Amicus’ two most well known of these, but Vault of Horror is my absolute favorite! Vampires, dismemberment, a painter with a voodoo curse! It’s a shame that this style of horror movie seems to have died out. These movies were always enjoyable, because no tale would last longer than 15-20 minutes, so if one sucked, it didn’t kill the whole movie! The best part about Vault of Horror is that the DVD also comes packaged with the excellent Tales from the Crypt!

Once Bitten
26) Once Bitten (1985)

Before Jim Carrey was on In Living Color and a mega star, he acted in this little comedic gem about a vampire countess (Lauren Hutton) who requires the blood of virgins to stay young. And the next virgin she needs, of course, is the bumbling Jim Carey! It’s way more comedic then horrific, but I’m going to fudge the lines here because it’s about vampires. This film has kind of been forgotten, but it merged two things perfectly that the 80’s did so well: the sexual comedy and the horror flick.

Cube
25) Cube (1997)

Cube must have had one of the smallest budgets ever for ANY movie! Every set is basically the same set with different lighting: a small four-wall cell. The basic premise is that people wake up alone in these cells, with no clue why they’re there. Escaping from one cell only leads to another cell. Eventually they discover that there are other people trapped, too, but they don’t know what their relation is to each other. And some of the cells are booby-trapped! (The Saw series seems to have tried to take a lot from this movie.) Cube is a terrific conceptual film that appreciates the mystery it creates. More often than not, films ruin themselves when they remove the curtain on the big secret or twist, but The Cube never does that. You keep wondering even when the movie ends.

TerrorVision
24) TerrorVision (1986)

TerrorVision is exactly why we have lists like this! Prolly (one of my fellow Bloglins) has been going off about this movie for a year now. I had no clue what he was talking about until I saw a clip and it all came rushing back from childhood. An alien race begins beaming down their trash as an energy signal, which eventually hits a family’s satellite dish. Soon the family has their very own trash monster to deal with. This is movie is trashy, campy overkill and, unfortunately, not in print on DVD.

House
23) House (1986)

A Vietnam vet/Author’s psycho trip out of the jungle and into a haunted house where his son disappeared! House is up there with Evil Dead 2 and Dead-Alive (No. 50) in combining horror with comedy. Excellent gore, directing and comedic timing. From writer Fred Drekker, who also wrote and directed the cult favorite Monster Squad as well as another film you’ll have to wait for until we hit the top 10!

The Gate
22) The Gate (1987)

With the help of some Black Metal, two kids help release an ungodly evil from a hole in their backyard. We’ve borrowed so heavily and blatantly from this film, we should offer it a job at Mishka. One of my all-time favorite movies starring a young Stephen Dorff and an army of 2 foot tall stop-motion demons! This movie was definatly geared towards a younger audience, but it holds up well and is just as enjoyable because of it’s camp value as an a adult.

Pet Sematary II
21) Pet Sematary II (1992)

Man, was this movie ever panned when it came out! (It still is!) I guess that’s kind of to be expected, considering it followed the excellent and scary Pet Sematary. But much like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s sequel, the follow-up here went in a totally different direction that I felt just went over the top and over too many people’s heads. Eddie Furlong stars in this beyond absurd, satirical, and campy sequel to one of horror’s truly creepy films. Spoofing the first movie in the second installment is probably not the best way to create a franchise, but… If you’re looking to be creeped out, rent the popular original… but those looking for some laughs and something along the lines of Lost Boys, please go here.

Stay tuned tomorrow for part IV, No. 20-11. And maybe, just maybe someone else will chip in with a companion list!

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In Need of a Cult: Top 50 Horror Movies Deserving More Fans! Part II, No. 40-31

Sunday, October 28th, 2007

Here we go with part II of my list, In Need of a Cult: Top 50 Movies Deserving More Fans! If you need a refresher on what it’s all about then just keep scrolling down or follow this link.

Night of the Comet
40) Night of the Comet (1984)

A comet passing over earth leaves all who see it turned to dust, and those not in a bomb shelter zombies! It’s Valley Girl meets Return of the Living Dead. This movie used to be an HBO staple (along with The Wraith and The Legend of Billy Jean). Not particularly gory or scary movie, but it is quirky and endearing.

Final Destination
39) Final Destination (2000)

You can’t cheat death, EVER! This is the first of one of the few decent horror franchises of the past decade. Although it was marketed primarily to a teenage audience, this film isn’t the kind of fluff you’d expect from that. It has a clever premise, creative and awesomely executed kill scenes, and just the right amount of camp mixed with good directing. All three installments are adrenaline fixes (with Final Destination 2 featuring one of the sickest opening car crash sequences ever!) , but the first installment, with it’s teen alienation back drop still takes the cake for me.

Behind the Mask
38) Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)

Part faux documentary/part slasher movie, Behind the Mask pretends Freddy, Jason, and Michael Myers are all real killers. Leslie Vernon strives to join in their footsteps as the next great slasher. This movie is a deconstructionist slasher/comedy, and does a great comedic job of embracing the clichés and directorial devices all slasher movies employ. Terrific casting (Robert Englund, Zelda Rubenstein) and plenty of little Easter eggs for horror junkies to catch in the background. The last third of the movie breaks the documentary style and becomes a traditional slasher flick. The only major flaw, I felt, was the movie’s total lack of gore. Considering how over the top it is elsewhere, I expected some insane kill scenes, but they are very mundane and have almost no blood. Still, it’s a great film in the tradition of Scream.

High Tension
37) High Tension AKA Haute Tension (2005)

This is another excellent French film. High Tension is a non-stop rush of energy that’s excellently directed and acted. Its grittiness reminds me a lot of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The gore is extreme and very believably executed. The movie never drags and keeps an impressively high pace from the second it gets going.

Terror Firmer
36) Terror Firmer (1999)

Terror Firmer is one of Troma’s more recent in-house productions, directed by (and starring) Lloyd Kaufman. Whenever Lloyd is in the director’s seat, you know a movie will not disappoint! All the gore, sex, extreme violence, and recycled car crash scenes you expect from Troma are here. It’s the harrowing story of a film crew and their blind director’s attempt to “make some art”… with a serial killer loose on set! Rumor has it the film was made with only a 300k budget! Troma always knows how to stretch a dollar!

The Serpent & The Rainbow
35) The Serpent & The Rainbow (1988)

It’s understandable that in catalog as large and with so many classics, some of his great movies will get forgotten over time, but this is Wes Craven’s excellent take on a zombie flick. Set in Haiti, the story focuses on an anthropologist’s hunt to find real zombies… of Voodoo! Craven restrains himself from peppering this movie with all the camp that he is known for, and just delivers a very creepy, serious tale of horror.

Prince of Darkness
34) Prince of Darkness (1987)

It’s one of my favorites from John Carpenter! Unlike The Thing (No. 48), Prince of Darkness hasn’t been gaining appreciation–it’s falling further into oblivion as just another movie in this prolific director’s catalog. The end-of-days theme in horror isn’t new, but I always loved the way Carpenter presented it here. A team of scientists and theologists are sent to investigate the contents of a mysterious cylinder found in an abandoned church that belonged to a sacred cult. Upon arriving, they are greeted with strange dreams of impending doom, homeless zombies gathering at the church’s fences, and supernatural equations from the church’s previous occupants. Like Event Horizon (No. 41), Prince of Darkness amplifies its creepiness through the use of great sets, and doles out the camp in the way only John Carpenter can.

Return of the Living Dead II
33) Return of the Living Dead II (1988)

The original Return of the Living Dead goes down in the annuls as one of the greatest zombie flicks ever made. Its gore, effects, and comedy are second to none, and it has punk rockers and a great soundtrack to boot! But what about its sequel? Like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (no. 44), this film gets so eclipsed by the first installment that sometimes one forgets it even existed. Return of the Living Dead II, however, doesn’t stray far from the excellent formula set up in the first movie. Just more quality zombies, gore, and comedy!

Phantasm II
32) Phantasm II (1988)

“BOOOOOOY!!!” Phantasm is one of my favorite horror franchises, the Tall Man is among my favorite horror monsters, and the balls… what can you not love about the balls!? The basic premise of this movie concerns outerworldly morticians harvesting dead bodies to become midget servants in their own dimension. While many people have heard of Phantasm, not many of them have actually ever seen it. Of those who have, not many have seen any of the sequels beyond the classic first installment from the 70’s. This sequel was made over a decade after the original and picks up right where the first part left off. Darker in tone and stronger in story (and definitely benefiting from the 10+ years of special effects advancements), this sequel is even better than the original. Unfortunately, due to legal battles over who owns the rights, Phantasm II has never made it onto DVD. This, of course, only further hinders this unique movie–and its entire franchise–from the acclaim it deserves. Perhaps, with rumors of Phantasm V being in pre-production, the Tall Man and his balls will finally get the attention they deserve!

Cemetery Man

31) Cemetery Man (1996)
Rupert Everett stars as an impotent caretaker of a cemetery where the dead rise each evening. Every night, he must quickly put them back in their place. Cemetery Man is more than just a zombie movie. While it takes style and delivery cues from Evil Dead and Dead-Alive (no. 50), Cemetery Man is more an avant-garde, absurdist fable. The film is often as funny as it is existential.

Stay tuned tomorrow for Part III

My Pal the Crook's Previous Entries

In Need of a Cult: Top 50 Horror Movies Deserving More Fans! Part I, No. 50-41

Saturday, October 27th, 2007

This Halloween, I decided to make a list of horror movies (or what I have loosely classified as such) that deserve larger fan bases than they currently have. Please don’t confuse this list as “The Best Horror Movies Ever Made” or even “50 of the Greatest Cult Classics” … it is not. These movies (well, most of them) haven’t even amassed the minutest of cult followings yet, which is why I wanted to make this list. All of the above are great movies, especially if you’re a fan of anything that’s labeled horror, shock cinema, cult, or a B-movie. Over the next 5 days, I will be counting down my “50 Movies in Search of a Cult Following.” If it inspires just one person to rent one of these movies–and if that person enjoys it and then spreads the word–I will be more than content. But more importantly, I like doing stupid lists like this, and this list is a window into everything we’re about! As the list progresses from 50 down to one, you may notice the movies getting more and more obscure.

So what factors contribute to a film making this list? Well, I used a few basic guidelines (some of which I slightly fudged when I felt I should or could). Besides a movie being either one that I thoroughly enjoyed or one that rubbed off on me in some way, it had to meet one of the following criteria:
1) A film that was overshadowed by either the rest of its director’s catalog or a more popular work. Or a film that was part of a series in which it was overshadowed by either the original or a more popular film in the series.

2) A film that, when first released, started gaining a following, but now has lost it due to being long out-of-print. Or it has been in- and out-of-print so sporadically in its lifetime that it could never nurture or maintain any kind of momentum in building a following.

3) A film whose budget, distribution, or studio push was either small, lacking, mismanaged, misdirected, or just non-existent (i.e., poorly marketed).

4) A film whose release saw heavy box office and rental competition, and somehow it just fell by the wayside.

5) A film that was widely criticized as too campy (poor acting, silly dialog, cliched, etc, etc). Some films are so heavy-handed in their approach to camp that the actual merits and qualities of the film can get lost unless the viewer knows what to look for (sort of like a classical musician viewing all punk rock as “simply cacophonous”).

6) A film that needed to age a bit before its genius could be understood.

7) A film that just wasn’t made to appeal to large audiences.

Anyway, enough talk from me. On to the list:

Dead-Alive
50) Dead-Alive (1992)
I’m putting this movie at 50 because it isn’t that unknown and already has a pretty healthy following. However, I felt compelled to include this film here because it should be as acclaimed and beloved as Evil Dead 2, and it simply isn’t! I’m not sure why Dead-Alive never reached the pop culture pinnacle that was bestowed on Evil Dead 2, but this film is just as deserving. Unfortunately, at this point, Peter Jackson’s directorial career is going to be forever intertwined with the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. This perfect little gory gem will forever remain a footnote.

Nightmare on Elm St. 2
49) A Nightmare on Elm St. 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)
To be honest, this is not the best scripted or directed of the A Nightmare on Elm St. films (Parts 1, 3 and 4 in that order being heads and shoulders above the rest), or even horror movies in general. So why is it here? Because when you look at it like I do, as an after school special about one boy coping with his homosexuality, it becomes quite a different (and hilarious) movie. A Nightmare on Elm Street II had little involvement from Wes Craven and basically threw out a lot of the mythos established in the first movie (that was also cemented in later chapters) to present a cautionary tale in the guise of a Slasher flick of a boy trying to cope with his deep dark secret (i.e., Freddy/his homosexuality). Plus, the locker room shower-kill scene is classic.

The Thing
48) The Thing (1982)
Any true John Carpenter fan will acknowledge this film as one of his classics at this point. But upon it’s release the movie was panned and bombed at the box office. It’s been a slow going 20 plus years for people to come around and see this film for the classic it truly is. As I said it’s taken some time for people to see the light on this film, but it still deserves way more devotees and accolades.

Happines of the Katakuris
47) The Happiness of the Katakuris (2001)
Takashi Miike is better known in the U.S. for his excellent Audition, and the popular (and vastly over-rated) Ichi the Killer. However, Happiness of the Katakuris, to me, is Miike at his best. It is nothing like any of his other flicks, because it combines musicals, comedy, zombies, crime drama, and romance all into one pot. Anyone who is a fan of early Sam Raimi (the Evil Deads, Darkman), Peter Jackson (Dead-Alive, Bad Taste, The Frighteners), or any Troma film will absolutely love this movie.

Dawn of the Dead Remake
46) Dawn of the Dead (2004)
SACRALIDGE! Look, nothing is ever going to top the original Dawn of the Dead, but I feel this movie never got a fair shake from people who actually enjoy horror/zombie flicks. It did alright at the box office, and I’m sure there is a legion of teenage kids and uninformed people walking around thinking this is the only Dawn of the Dead, but I also know there is a whole slew of other people out there who were all “Why tamper with what isn’t broken!?” and who therefore chose to skip this remake. Well guess what, this remake is an excellent update on the original and a worthy inclusion on any list chronicling great zombie flicks–right alongside the Romero originals.

Frailty
45) Frailty (2001)
This movie got some strongly positive reviews from critics when it came out, but the studio never marketed the film correctly or towards the right crowd. It was just marketed as if it was some James L. Patterson (Along Came a Spider) type thriller. So this movie just kind of wasted away into the F section of most video stores, only to be rented by those who swoon for Matthew McConaughey. On first glance, it looks exactly like what it was marketed as… a cheap thriller novel adaptation starring McConaughey and Bill Paxton (who also directed it). But it’s actually a very well-crafted and paced psychological horror/thriller about a serial killer. And like so many of the movies on this list, it never takes itself too seriously, doling out large handfuls of camp into all of its “twists.”

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre part 2
44) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre part 2 (1986)
Made long after the original, this movie received a collective “Huh!?” when it was released. I get the feeling Tobe Hooper knew there was no way to match his original masterpiece, so he took things in another direction altogether. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 amps up the camp, gore, and comedy to a level all its own, and does this really well. These are, of course, things the original never had nor needed. It’s a shame this movie gets forgotten behind Hooper’s original and that it got such a bad rap from people expecting another gritty horror flick.