Oofa! So let me preface this by saying that I’m a pretty big Eli Roth fan. I think he’s one of the sharpest minds making Horror today. And while he hasn’t really directed anything since the  merely “OK” Hostel 2, the man knows what it takes to make not only great but campy horror… so I went into The Last Exorcism, which he produced (his first as a producer), hoping it would be an extension of the witty, blood-soaked and tongue-in-cheek style he not only helped resurrect, but take to the next level.

Roth has been tweeting endlessly about the film and crowd reactions to its numerous festival screenings, reputed gorehound sites were singing its praises, and it had a clever viral campaign a week or so prior to its national debut. So you know, I had a pretty good feeling that this film would deliver a few solid thrills, some chuckles, and gore, gore and more gore. Oofa! Was I ever wrong.

I’ll give the film its due in how it cleverly revamped the tired exorcism model into something that could have been a great premise. Cotton Marcus has been groomed to be a reverend since he was a child, eventually taking over for his father preaching sermons and performing exorcisms. Problem is that Cotton is a great showman, and all of this is just a fun little act. For him, being a reverend is not about faith, but simply telling people what they want to hear to get past their problems. When Cotton reads about an autistic child who dies at the hands of another reverend during an exorcism, he has a crisis of conscious and decides that it’s time to expose exorcisms for the ruse that they really are. He teams up with a film crew who sets out to document every aspect of the preparation and staging of what will hopefully be the last exorcism ever.

Cotton and the crew head down to Louisiana to the Sweetzer farm after receiving a letter from Louis Sweetzer to come help his daughter, Nell, who is supposedly possessed and slaughtering livestock in her sleep. Cotton obviously doesn’t believe in demons and for him, the whole production of an “exorcism” is a sort of shock therapy for people move past some psychological baggage that they’re carrying. So Cotton does his whole exorcism shtick and proclaims young Nell cured. But funny thing is that later that night, Nell shows up in Cotton’s hotel room acting creepy as all fuck. From then on, the film shifts to Cotton trying to figure out what the underlying cause of her “demonic” behavior is, as the audience is left guessing if Nell is actually crazy or possessed all the way until the end.

Before I tear into the film, I would like to single out both Patrick Fabian (Cotton) and Ashley Bell (Nell) for their acting… actually the acting in The Last Exorcism is, overall, pretty damn good. It’s the directing and the plot that leave a lot to be desired. The whole film is shot from the perspective of the film crew’s cameraman, except none of it whatsoever looks like it was shot from one camera by a guy documenting something. It’s over-directed and so strategically shot and paced that you can’t help but wonder why the film couldn’t just have been about a film crew documenting the exorcism  rather than the supposed “real” film. This fault is very hard to get past, like speaking with someone with a bad toupee. Try as you might to get past it, you just keep wondering “how do they not know how bad this looks?” instead of actually concentrating on the conversation… or movie in this case.

The guessing game of what’s at the root of Nell’s “possession” is also pretty tedious and predictable — a melodramatic see-saw back and forth centered around family trauma that just makes you want to scream, “Ok, we get it! Show us more blood and creepy contortion shit!”, most of which had already been used for the trailers. After dragging on and on, at the very end you’re gifted with a bungled yet clever twist (right before sputtering into either a poor homage or comically bad rip of The Blair Witch Project) that just leaves you contemplating “why couldn’t this more just have been more of this?”. Those 5 minutes at the end are some of the films most interesting and it’s only suspenseful moment. It’s a shame they weren’t fleshed out more.

Maybe I expected too much from something Eli Roth would put his name and money behind, and that’s probably my fault because horror is horror and even the greats produce their fair share of crap. The Last Exorcism is about on par with the Horror movies that get dumped at 1am on Showtime 2, and that’s probably when and where you should catch it… preferably from the middlepoint on, after stumbling home half-soused.

No, I’m not talking about The Social Network, I said the “other” Facebook movie. This past Friday before enduring through The Last Exorcism (more on that tomorrow) I was treated to the trailer for Catfish, who prior to this I hadn’t heard, read or seen  jack shit about.

For the first minute and a half of this trailer my girlfriend, Yüng Chow and myself sat giggling over what we thought was some sappy mockumentary  style, feel-good, romantic comedy about finding love via Facebook until out of nowhere SHIT GETS REAL FUCKIN’ CREEPY! Watch it! It’s a really good trailer and has me amped on seeing this. I really hope this delivers because I can haz one good internetz horror movie?

Piranha 3D is a throwback flick, not just because it’s a remake of a movie that came out in 1978. It’s a throwback piece because its the kind of tit centric B-movie that the internet killed off. Back in the day a million movies like this were cranked out to hit video and shows like USA’s Up All Night with Rhonda Shear. Movies that allowed you to see half naked chicks skinny dip and then get chased/killed by some kinda monster. The type of movie that has giant plot holes, bad acting and questionable writing… but, lots of tits. Unfortunately, now that tits of all sorts are available anytime via the internet there’s no longer a reason to make these movie. And, that’s kinda fucked up because sometimes the world needs ridiculous and base flicks like Piranha 3D. Sometimes you need a shoestring of a plot with your titties to put everything in perspective.

I could describe the plot of this movie, but that misses the point of the movie. You don’t go to a strip club and talk about the quality of the buffet. You don’t want to know about the character development, how the story arc is resolved or the cinematography. So, let me tell you what you do want to know. This movie runs on over the top from the get go. When most other movies do 3D they say “we’re not going to be throwing stuff at the screen”, to let you know it’ll be a classy 3D experience. Piranha 3D has 3D vomit. That’s what you need to know about the kind of experience your in line for.

Ya boy Jerry O’Connell is also in this movie as what I’d imagine is a pretty on point version of the dude who owns Girls Gone Wild. He plays him as coked up and tit obsessed to the end. I’m pretty sure this is his best performance since Sliders Season 2. This movie also has Adam Scott (from the recently canceled Party Down) on a jet ski with a shotgun, shooting into crowded water. At fish. Dude is shooting fish in a lake with a motherfucking shotgun from a jet ski. Oh and Christopher Lloyd as your resident Piranha expert.

There’s a ton of half naked and fully naked girls, occasionally in three dimensions. I’ve not been a fan of the 3D movement at all so far and surprisingly adding breast to the mix has not changed my opinion. Maybe because in order for breast to really be 3D they’d have to be really far away from the body, and for that to happen you’d have to have some incredible monster titties jammed in a weird corset to get the proper distance. Physics of 3D breasts aside, if it’s slight titillation of the Maxim variety you’re looking for you’ll be covered. Elisabeth Shue though will not be the source of your titillation, she’s looking kind of old in the face. Fear not though, careful observers will be able to pick out porn star Gianna Michaels making a cameo as a chick para-sailing. If, you’re that dude who has always watched her “work” and thought “hey, you know what’d make this hotter? Her being dismembered by shiftily CGI’d fish” then this will be you movie.

About two thirds of the way through the movie is when all hell breaks lose and everyone turns into piranha bait, but what’s kinda interesting is how gory the whole thing gets. There’s about 15 minutes of pure blood and severed limbs that reminds you that Piranha 3D is an actual horror movie.  In this barrage of mangled bodies, the influence of Eli Roth (who makes a cameo as a wet T-shirt contest host) really shows on director Alexandre Aja (High Tension and the excellent The Hills Have Eyes remake). The scenes of swimmers trying to escape from the killer fish, looked a lot like some kind of zombie apocalypse. But, an apocalypse that’s immediately preceded by lots and lots of nakedness. If the apocalypse has to come, that’s how I want it.*

*The reason I want it that way is because I know I’m going to be safe. See,my blackness will not allow me to be frolicking in the water when killer fish bring about the rapture. I can’t swim, so I’ll be chilling on the beach while everyone else is getting nibbled to death, rocking ever so gently to a slowed down version of “Margaritaville.”

After 10 years in the making Insane Clown Posse’s Big Money Rustlas is finally here! Many juggalos, much like myself never actually thought this movie would see the light of day when it was teased to us in late 2000, but the clowns finally delivered. Sadly all this wait was mainly for nothing, as Big Money Rustlas is mostly a disappointment.

Don’t get me wrong, it has some positives as ICP knows how and does caters to their fan base within the film.  There are lots of inside jokes, cameos, references, etc, etc that the normal viewer wouldn’t get or really care about, but any self respecting ninja will find pretty satisfying. It also has far better production value than there first foray into film, 2000′s Big Money Hustlas. But overall, Big Money Rustlas is basically the same movie as Hustlas with the Wild, Wild West replacing a backdrop of New York City.

The cast is hardly the A list crowd, but features all of the Psychopathic camp along with the likes of Jason Mewes, Ron Jeremy, Tom Sizemore, Brigitte Nielsen, Vanilla Ice, Todd Bridges, Dustin Diamond and a slew of wrestling legends in what’s mostly a slapstick comedy riddled with dick and fart jokes.

Big Baby Chips (Violent J) runs the town of Mud Bug with his henchmen Dusty Poot (Monoxide) and Raw Stank (Jamie Madrox) via a gambling ring. A new sheriff comes to town by the name of Sugar Wolf (Shaggy 2 Dope) to try and clean up the town in the name of his dead father. As I said, it’s pretty much the same exact plot as BMH only revamped to a different time and place. The movie definitely has a few funny moments, but lacks a lot of the originality that the first outing had. If you are a fan of ICP and can keep up with all the Easter eggs littered in this for the Juggalo faithful then give it a whirl because you’ll probably get a kick or two out of it. But I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who merely gets a kick out of “Miracles” video or is intrigued by the meme that ICP has become. I doubt you’ll be able to get through it.

The movie has been out for about a week and ICP is already talking about their next movie project. Twiztid always steals the show in these movies, so lets hope whatever ICP decides to do next either prominently features or is a vehicle for Jamie Madrox and Monoxide.

PW is the baddest! The only way that this could have been better is if he was wearing the Satan’s Helpers official club vest!

In today’s age, we’re certainly no stranger to the horror/thriller theme of isolation and, in particular, the “I wake up and wonder where everyone is and what happened” scenario.  We’ve gotten “28 Days Later”, “The Road”, and literally countless others.  You can count another one in the genre’s oeuvre…

A few days ago, a trailer dropped for Brad Anderson’s latest flim. Upon first look, it seems to be dealing with the same sort of theme but with the added element of supernatural(?) creatures and light being the only means of safety for the isolated people who come together in a diner to try and figure out what’s going on.

This is the same guy who brought you the creepy thriller, Session 9, which featured a small cast and the imposing setting of Danvers Mental Hospital to weave a strange, unsettling descent into madness. He also brought you The Machinist, which featured an emaciated Christian Bale as Trevor Reznick who hasn’t slept in a year and also descends into madness as things get more surreal and harder to discern reality from fantasy.

The guy’s got a knack for portraying that descent in a thoughtful and believable way and definitely is keen on developing an atmosphere and sense of space which enhances that and sort of envelops the viewer. Let’s hope that this endeavor furthers that forte and delivers…

So for the past decade The GZA has been compiling footage for a behind-the-scenes documentary about the Wu-Tang Clan. Well it looks like he’s inching closer to finally releasing the film because today we’ve been blessed by this elongated trailer.

Two observations: What the fuck is that oversized white things that Raekwon is wearing and I’m loving the floral centerpieces on their tables. Flowers are gully, don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

via Hypebeast

I really like Michael Cera (as do, no shit, a lot of people). But he unfortunately has had this habit of making some really terrible movies. For every Superbad, there’s three or four Year Ones. And just when you think “Well,  I guess it’s just gonna be crap like this from here on out for him” he’ll exercise some good judgment and do a movie like Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. And like I said, I really like Michael Cera so if he can slip in a movie like this every few years amongst a bunch of crap, I can deal.

I’ve never read the Scott Pilgrim comics by Bryan Lee O’Malley but having read and liked enough Clowes, Tomine and Blue Monday comics I get the sense that this was probably as faithful as it could have been in recreating that unique mix of comic romance, idealism and malaise. Scott Pilgrim vs The World, directed by Edgar Write (Shawn of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) isn’t groundbreaking or monumental but it is really clever, cute, funny and most of all the sort of entertaining film that’s become synonymous with Write’s name and style. And in the end, what else could you ask for?

The story is pretty identifiable with and well, very “Emo.” Scott Pilgrim has seemingly spent his life getting his heart broken from one girl to the next, completely oblivious to the hearts he’s shattered along the way. While in one of his “woe is me” rebounds Scott find her, the girl of his dreams (literally) in the new girl in town, Ramona Flowers. He has to have her and will go to whatever lengths it takes to make her his. Those lengths of course include fight and defeating her seven dead exes (read: his and her emotional baggage). Those exes consist of five ex-boyfriends, a set of twins and of course and old lesbian flame… Ramona has a blue or pink bob, so duh! She’s obviously been bi-curious at some point.

Over the course of the film were treated to something that expertly switches from teen romance comedy to action flick without skipping a beat. The action sequences are really fun and well done, playing homage to everything from Street Fighter, Guitar Hero and DDR. And while it may get pretty corny and predictable at times, it does so while being acutely self aware of that fact… which in turn makes the film quite as funny and enjoyable as it is.

Cera has played a variation of the same character since Arrested Development and here is no different except in “that character” is written so perfectly to his abilities and personality. Cera’s alternadude quasi-cool nerd charm will hit all the right notes for those people who see a tiny (or large) bit of themselves in him. This is as close as he’s ever gotten to 80′s era John Cusack, John Hughes level of  both likability, charm and vulnerability.

While Cera is good as Scott Pilgrim, Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Ramona Flowers is that much better. I can’t speak for girls, but coming from a guys who pined for girls EXACTLY like Ramona, Winstead was so spot on in her portrayal that it was almost painful to watch at times. The too cool for you chic, the little headgames, the witty retorts… she was the complete package with manic panic hair to boot! It was the same painful and enjoyable rush as flipping through your High School yearbook.

And as good as those respective stars of this film are, what makes Scott Pilgrim so much fun are some of the supporting cast. Allison Pill as the drummer and Scott’s ex-highschool flame in his band Sex Bob-omb; Mae Whitman as the evil lesbian ex, Roxy Richter and of course Jason Schwartzman as the ultimate evil ex/record exec Gideon Gordon Graves. They were all great but it’s two in particular who really stole the show for me…

First is, Keiren Culkin in a much welcome return to making movies as Wallace Wells, Scott’s sarcastic gay roomate/bestfriend. Culkin is superb and hopefully this leads to him picking things back up where his career left them (The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys and Igby Goes Down) before he decided to go to college. Secondly was Brandon Routh, who most people will probably recognize as Superman from Bryan Singer’s snoozefest Superman Returns. This is now the second time I’ve seen Routh pick up a small supporting role and be great at it (he played Justin Long’s Boyfriend and Elizabeth Bank’s high school crush in Zack & Miri Make a Porno). Routh plays evil ex #3 who is currently the bass player/boyfriend to Scott Pilgrim’s own evil ex in her Paramore-esque band, The Clash at Demonhead (yet another video game reference). Evil ex #3, Todd Ingrim is basically an evil vegan Superman and the ensuing battle between him and Cera is one of the movie’s best and funniest sequences.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is the sort of teen movie that works across generations. I can just as easily see thirtysomethings enjoying it as did most of the fifteen year olds in attendance while I watched. It’s the perfect storm of themes that may either be ringing true now, or those you have nostalgic fondness for. There is no specific time for when the film seems to take place, but the style, hair and music is oh soooooo very late 90 which in no small part helped endear it to someone around my age.

I haven’t felt as satisfied by a movie who’s sole intention was to be entertaining since, Zombieland. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is very much in that same vein of action comedy that is cute, smart and ultimately endearing in the same way John Hughes films were. It’s totally worth the $7-$14 (depending on where you live) admission price to see.