Where. To. Begin.

It’s not a surprise that our man Hateball likes the rap music. On a certain level, rap/hip-hop is all about the non-sequiter; all about the clever, disposable metaphor…analogy-centric to such an extent that story logic quickly and often devolves into such an abstracted form of itself that, well, whatever is being said is nothing more than words as words…a fancy assemblage of syllables that may or may not represent any real ‘meaning’ past how they sound.

I know you know what I mean, because you have (presumably) read this column before. I just described myself. My idea of an idea is so loose…so totally ethereal and self-serving, that it’s even odds that half the jokes I crack, half the points I, ahem, “make”, and half the parenthetically bracketed, complex-yet-independent clauses, and run-on-purpose (see what I did there?) sentegraphs I write get skipped right the fuck over…not because you’re too dumb…but because I am.

And really, if I had more charisma, I could talk all that fancy shit at you and you WOULD listen to me. Because that’s how we all talk in real life. And I am committed to writing like I talk, damn the torpedoes. Precisely why I turn in ‘blog posts’ that—and these are my short ones (that’s what she said)—creep up past the thousand-word mark. That’s just how I talk. That is not how I rap, however. I cannot do that. No. I will shamelessly string together nonsense while writing—as evidenced in my Thanksgiving Poem—but if you asked me to singsong it in front of millions of people and actually—truly—seem and be cool while doing it, I’d pucker up quick, so very very tight tight, like a lemon tree growing yellow limes on fright night. Or something. See?

Not the case, however, with these fine folks downstairs. These dudes have found a way to make dudes like me like them—their albums, their songs, their creative brand—by flipping a few tasty couplets. A quatrain or two. A nasty string of sentences that, for some reason, hit me where it counts, and I will love them forever for it.

The following are not my favorite rap songs, rappers, or rap albums, necessarily. They are not chosen for whole verses, hooks, or beats. Many of them happen to be fantastic songs in their own right—fucking juggernauts—but even if they weren’t, I’d still like them, if only for the little sip of soliloquistical sizzurp mentioned below. I am positive that immediately upon this lists’s publication, I will regret not including a dozen or so somethings, but, for right now, behold: My Top 5 Rap Stanzas.

Please share your thoughts. I am really honored by your participation in and attention to this series so far. Thank You.

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I love Nine Inch Nails. The Trent Reznor brand is something that has earned—and will keep—my loyalty. My regrets regarding this brand include never seeing them live, not pressing pause on my life and really ‘playing’ the Year Zero ARG (which, after getting a peek behind the scenes at this past year’s Dexter setup, I’m convinced will come to be hailed as a multimedia masterpiece), and, probably most notably, not counting Pretty Hate Machine as one of my favorite things ever.

And hey, don’t get me wrong: I Love It, but when stacked against the rest of the material in the vast Reznor-related discog, I don’t find myself gravitating towards it. And yes: I am one of those dudes that wishes he liked something more than he does/did. I know I SHOULD think that Down In It is better than anything that’s been put out by RezCo in the past 10 years, but, well, I don’t. I’m hoping to have a renewed fling with that material soon, however, as it’s just been re-mastered and re-released in a brand-new artist-approved version….right down to a re-cretaed album sleeve by luckiest boy in the world, Rob Sheridan (he gave an interesting interview to Sleevage about the recreation process…push up your glasses and say ‘fascinating’ with me).

So yeah. I know it’s not my thing to be topical. But, I’d be lying if these recent events didn’t give a poke at my Reznophilia bone. And so, this is about me telling you about the Nine Inch Nails songs that I love. My favorites. I am so totally curious to hear what yours are.

Preamble: “The Perfect Drug” – Lost Highway Soundtrack (1997)

Even without—what I like to call—”The Castlevania Effect” and all the positive ramifications therein with regards to the video, this song, is, without a doubt, an epoch. This song fucking HAPPENED TO me. There was a moment in time when the ‘absinthe breakdown’ in the third quarter represented everything I wanted to know about drums. And bass. And celebrity. And green fucking freakouts.

I went on to track down the The Perfect Drug Versions EP which includes nothing but drum n bass IDM hits. If you didn’t listen to that, please do yourself a favor. You’ll then go on to discover Plug, Luke Vibert, and Wagon Christ, who are all the same goddamned person.

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1) “Burn” – Natural Born Killers Soundtrack (1994)

The only thing that could ever dominate the wicked bass blasts that persist throughout this entire song is the meanest, filthiest, and most hideously heinous synth loop I’ve ever heard. Motherfucker could be singing the alphabet over and over, um, over that thing.

And that’s just the first half. Haven’t even gotten to the freakout. I do have to say, however: I’m pretty sure that my genuine un-enjoyment of this video has to do with how perfectly it evokes the types of feelings it’s trying to evoke. Spinetingling.

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2) “The Hand That Feeds” – With_Teeth [Halo 19] (2005)

This was a big deal. This song was a big deal. The video, even (which I’m not embedding here because it’s not on Vimeo [weird] and the Youtube version has a bunch of wack ads in it) was a big deal. By 2005 it had become cool to think NIN was teh suck. If I remember correctly, they had even become sort of lumped into the whole Slipknot/Nu-metal genre…which is so clearly ridiculous. I have the same reaction to that as when people say they won’t read Stephen King because it’s too scary.

And then this. Fly like a G6: the original. These guys came out so lean, so mean, and so crisp and so clean that it was just undeniable. That fucking riff. That fucking production. That. Fucking. Man.

So dreamy.

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3) “Somewhat Damaged” – The Fragile [Halo 14] (1999)

I can remember the first time I heard this song. NIN hadn’t put out an album in quite a while…and the first single for The Fragile—”The Day The World Went Away”—had been out for a few weeks. That song and it’s b-side—”Starfuckers Inc.”—were not my favorite. Then the album came out and I got it on the first day…this is the first song on that album. Man. O Man. Was I relieved. Such a charging lead-up…such a total outlay of everything that was to come.

Many of my friends dislike this album because it’s ‘too pretty’. I then play them this song, which then makes them say it’s too chuggy. Fuck ‘em.

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4) “Metal” – Things Falling Apart [Halo 16] (2000)

So yes. I know this is a cover. Get your tubeway self over it. This song is so totally NIN it hurt. Er, rather, hurts. Sure, the lyrics are pure Gary Numan, but the fucking paranoia…the sheer madness that connects these particular dots is, well….

Maybe what I’m trying to say is that I think this song proves NIN’s fuzzed-out homage to Numan. We’ve seen it before with Adam Ant and B-b-b-b-b-b-bowie…so yeah. I guess that’s what I’m saying.

And O yeah: I fucking love it and will fight you about it.

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5) “Gave Up” – Broken EP [Halo 5] (1992)

As is probably evidenced by this list (not finished yet…but I’m willing to bet…) if I could only listen to one NIN album forever, it’d probably be The Fragile. BUT! If I could only listen to one NIN SONG, it’d very likely be this one. This, for me, is when it became real. This is just so. fucking. different. from PHM…so much darker, so much more complicated. This is, like, the difference between greasers and skinheads. Menacing vs. dangerous. There is NO sense of humor here, whereas I see just a tiny stint of mirth in the older material. I dunno.

This video is epic. Right down to the vintage gears and computers. Plus: T.Rez, Miss Makeupless Marilyn Manson, Robert ‘The Whiner’ Patrick, AND the unsungest unsung hero of everdom, Chris Vrenna, all in one video? Boing.

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I’m in my thirties, son. I’ve got mad old-man humor coursing through my veins. My shit is so sarcastic I can hardly contain my excitement. (for my real dogs: My shit is so sarcastic I fuckin’ TALK in purple type, WHAT!) My sense of irony is so big it’s like a dollar of irony. Say it with me: this is who you’re dealing with.

So you can straight feel me (yo) when I tell you that it makes a motherfucker WAY giggle to hear fools talking about ‘casual gaming’ and ‘social gaming’ like it’s new. Like it’s rad.

Newsflash: casual, social gaming has been around since the early ’80s. It’s called Arcade games. How are you gonna creep up behind a girl who’s got the same haircut as dude from Wargames and get her to spray soda in your mustache when you’re standing at home waving a dildo around at your TV? You aint. Not social.

A casual gaming experience is epitomized by the arcade-style shooter. And the arcade-style shooter thrived—throve—when I was at the stage of my life that focused on frozen yogurt, half-naked pictures of Cindy Crawford, and turning my meager allowance into as many quarters as I could and then snorting them up my fingers.

So here it is. My ode to that. Behold: My Top 5 Favorite Arcade-style Shooters.

0) Preamble: Life Force Boss Battles (1986) [Konami]

I’m sitting in my bedroom, next to my sleeping wife, and I can SEE—fucking SEE!!!!—my unborn child moving around in her. It’s, like, something. I can FEEL myself changing from Granny Smith to Red Delicious, if you can dig that. IT–my boy—has me thinking about Life Force, and how I’m gonna be the boss, and so here. A Life Force Boss Battle rundown. I STARTED this sentence as an explanation of why I haven’t listened to this douchebag at full volume so if he starts talking about Satan or Halliburton or something I apologize.

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1) R-Type (1987) [IREM]

If I remember correctly, this game started a lot. Not only did the weapons system and the different ways you could use your ‘option’ sort of revolutionize the whole idea of the shooter, I think it was at about this point when things started to go really fucking bonkers with these games. You didn’t just have patterned sorties of bad dudes (you like that faux military talk?) coming at you in sequence. All hell was breaking loose. Way loose.

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2) Viewpoint (1992) [SNK]

This is not only one of my favorite shooters, it’s one of my favorite games of all time. It’s just so perfect in it’s little perspective shift and the small but challenging puzzles it throws your way. Every time I play games on my Wii I check the store for this game, but it’s still not there to my knowledge. It’s also one of a very few NEO GEO games that has never been fully supported in MAME. Cherish every frame you get to play of this…it’s original board/cart only at this point.

3) UN Squadron (1989) [Capcom]

There’s a point in this game where you’re flying over some weird forest fortress and just—while fighting all of the flying enemies, of course—carpet bombing the shit out of it. You side-scroll your way across a few miles and then all of a sudden the gameplay goes on autopilot and your plane makes this super-boss 180-degree turn and you start flying back the way you came while the shit gets even crazier.

Sounds really dumb and whatever to me right now, but I remember this phenomenon totally blowing my fucking mind. I would have eaten dollars and shit tokens down this thing’s money-hole if it asked me to.

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4) Vapor Trail: Hyper Offence Formation (1989) [Data East]

This is one of those games that has a ‘rockin’ soundtrack coupled with some super shitty, Bad Dudes-style voice synth. When you die your pilot shouts ‘I can’t hold it!’ as you go down in flames. I always really liked the way the scenery/landscape was set up…the different ‘level’s of isometric freeways and shit that the tanks drive around on always seemed cool.

I though that there were some pretty crazy bosses in this game, too, but this one in the video doesn’t seem all that tough.

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5) Legendary Wings (1986) [Capcom]

I’m pretty sure I was terrible at this game, because honestly, I have NO recollection of the adventure/platforming part of this game that this video is showing. I loved this game as much as I did because of the scenery stuff…the weird statues and sculptures that look up at you as you pass them? What? It’s like that part of Fellowship of the Ring when they’re floating down the river and pass the big giant king statues….that sort of stuff blows my mind bigtime. Note to reader: big weird shit in the far-background blows Hateball’s mind bigtime.

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I am almost positive that you are rolling your eyes at me. Already.

Do you see what I did there? I had every opportunity to say “I am almost positive that you are rolling your eyes at me, New York native and/or inhabitant.” But I didn’t. Because it’s cool to hate Friends, whether you’re in NYC or not. But those in the city that I’ve met and had this discussion with REALLY hate Friends (‘You know, I just think Seinfeld presents a much more realistic milieu’) and I sort of wanted to single them out, but I’d hate to leave you, Mister or Missus Midwestern/Southern/West Coast person, out in the cold. You can all hate this show, and as such, you are all allowed to roll your eyes at me for loving it. Because I love it.

This is also the part of the post where I try to wax philosophical and embed the lesson or hidden meaning…that being that I wonder if NY people hate FRIENDS in the same way/for the same reasons that California people hate shows like the O.C. or shit like that, but, well, it’s sort of thin, and so I’ll skip it.

And so here are my top 5 FRIENDS episodes. Don’t even hate. (Apologies, too, for the non-embedded movies. Please click through. It seems that WB has no issues with folks chopping and screwing FRIENDS [I looked for witchy ways to spell friends but I have no idea how to type that way. -Ed] episodes, but heaven forbid someone drop them into their blog. Click the titles of each, except where noted.)

1) The One With the Trivia Game (Season 4, Episode 12)

In which: Joey and Chandler fall into dispute with Rachel and Monica over who knows who better, the guys or the girls. Ross—who is my favorite character in the show, for reasons like this—volunteers to facilitate a trivia game contest to settle the matter, the winner of which getting the girls’ apartment (which is very nice, and as such a HUGE bone of contention for FRIENDS haters) as the purse.

Why I love it: Aside from it’s being hilarious, it is a perfect example of how, by this time (Season 4) these characters are not exactly the trite, flat morons that haters hate. They are deep, round, and full of nooks and crannies. Yes. There are things about them that get under your skin, but—Ross and Monica especially—one really gains a sense of how damaged these people are.

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2) The One With the Nap Partners (Season 7, Episode 6)

In which: there is a main plot to this episode, but I can’t remember what it is. The important part is that, in a totally non-gay way, Ross and Joey are perchance to accidentally sleeping together on the couch. Joey enjoys his nap with Ross so much, that he spends the rest of the episode trying to get him to do it again…this time on purpose. Hilarity ensues.

Why I love it: This is both bad and good humor. I get that. The delicacy with which this issue is treated, however…well. Maybe not delicacy. It’s just such fertile ground for churning out a bunch of gay jokes and it never goes there. It’s…sweet, sort of.

3) The One With Ross’ Sandwich (Season 5, Episode 9)

In which: Ross is coming off a hard few weeks. After a divorce and an eviction, one of the only good things he’s got going for him is an epic ‘Thanksgiving leftovers’ sandwich that gets eaten out of the fridge at work. He does not take it well.

Why I love it: First, ‘the moist maker’. Enter, again, my very valid, very subtle argument that no, these are not flat characters. Also take special note of what I call the Schwimmer Effect in which a totally capable and high-minded actor like David Schwimmer consistently and actively plays the fool for zillions of dollars per minute and then goes on to be, like, the real deal once his first show is over.

4) The One Where Rachel Has a Baby, pt. 1 (Season 8, Episode 23)

(Can’t find a good clip for this one…which makes sense, since the part I love is, like, totally obscure.)

In which: Rachel is having her baby. Monica and Chander are arriving at the hospital and are bringing flowers to Rachel’s room. They burst into a delivery room in which a woman is screaming to ‘get this kid out of me’ and it’s, like, the same delivery scene that’s ever been on any show, ever. Monica and Chandler back away, white as sheets, and before things cut away, Chandler earns his keep with one of my favorite jokes of all time..one that I use inappropriately frequently: “I think that kid was wearing a shirt!”

Why I love it: That joke, mostly. Which says alot, seeing as though, while a fan of Ross, I am not a fan of Ross and Rachel. I totally think Mona was way hotter.

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5) The One With the Baby Shower (Season 8, Episode 20)

In which: Joey is auditioning for a television gameshow called Bamboozled. Bamboozled is full of super weird, super crazy rules, and the three guys play a mock version of it to help him practice.

Why I love it: ONLY for the Bamboozled part. I don’t care about the baby shower or whatever. The rules for this game remind me of having my friends in the sixth grade try to describe how D&D works. I think it’s absolutely hilarious.

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Bonus: The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs (Season 7, Episode 8)

Love it or hate it, the FRIENDS writing staff maintained a tradition of capturing super-small, teeny-tiny idiosyncracies that everybody has experienced at some point or another…even a moo one. My wife and I have an ongoing battle over her insistence that it is ‘All The Sudden’ and I have borne witness to heated conversations dedicated solely to the validity of, ahem, ‘Supposebly.”

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Double Bonus: The One On the Last Night (Season 6, Episode 6)

Bonus because this is also a game-themed item and I already have two of those above….Chandler wants to give Joey money, but Joey has too much pride to just take it. After a few abortive attempts, Chandler invents a hack card game called ‘Cups’ which he uses as cause for losing thousands of dollars to Joey, who badly needs the money. Joey then proceeds to lose the money to Ross at ‘Cups’ and Ross doesn’t believe that Chandler made it all up as a charity ploy. Hilarity ensues. I love this, plain and simple.

I have watched all 10 seasons of FRIENDS at least two-dozen times over the past 7 years. I don’t THINK that one needs to make that much of an investment for this stuff to grow on them, but, well, maybe that’s the case. Either way, these are my top 5 favorite episodes of Friends. Thanks for playing.

SO yeah…sort of self-explanatory. You go through your life, and you find music (or movies, or books, or whatever) that can somehow define you…they sum up whatever it is you think you are or want to be for a particular time, place…whatever. But then time goes by. Dubstep happens. You realize that some of your favorite music is surprisingly difficult to play in the background while you work. Whatever. So they slip…into the mist. They’ll always be your favorite, but, well, when’s the last time you actually heard them?

Here are my toppers. There are of course many more where these came from…but, O reader…what are your top 5 favorite albums that you haven’t heard in more than a year?

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1) At the Drive-In – Relationship of Command (2000)

Between ‘Arcarsenal’ and ‘Cosmonaut’, this album is a complete and total fucking juggernaut…and yet: I haven’t listened to it in EASILY 4 years. That might be because my mp3 copy of it skips like a motherfucker, or it might be that I want to remember it as it is. I could see ‘De-Loused in the Comatorium’ making this list, too, but it’s disqualified for being the same people.

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2) The Fire Theft – S/T (2003)

I think ‘Uncle Mountain’ is probably the best thing Jeremy Enigk has ever done. I might think that because it’s been a long time since I listened to it, or because it’s been an even longer time since I listened, to, like, Diary, but I’m pretty sure I think ‘Uncle Mountain’ is probably the best thing Jeremy Enigk has ever done.

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3) Nine Inch Nails – The Downward Spiral (1994)

You hang on my every word, and as such my love for all things Reznor is well known to you. So you realize how weird it is that I never listen to this album. Maybe I just know it too well that I want to space it out a bit…I always catch remixes or b-sides, but this actual album rarely gets spun here. I’d like to find a place and time when I can hear ‘March of the Pigs’ for the first time again. Yes. That would be nice. ‘Eraser’ is probably one of his most underrated, too.

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4) Gatsbys American Dream – Ribbons & Sugar (2003)

You have either never heard of this, never heard this, or heard it once and hated it. I have never found anyone—besides my wife…our guilty pleasure—who loves this album as much as me. Let’s just say that it’s a pop-punk album loosely based on ‘Animal Farm.’ Let’s just say that and call it good. Except to say that I saw them once with Bear vs. Shark and it was a pretty good show.

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5) 2pac – All Eyez on Me (1996)

This album, I think, is equal parts rap renaissance and, um, death rattle. Really. But it’s so fucking awesome…so totally unrepentantly gangster. I think I don’t listen to it for reasons stated above: that being that my mp3s of it are of the lowest quality imaginable. Still, there was a time when ‘Picture me Rollin’ was THE anthem—sort of an aspirational anthem, if one will—that I would prefer to preserve in my memories. It’s almost like I’ve retired this album.

Click after the jump for two bonus albums that I love but just never listen to.

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Picture this: I’m currently sitting on my couch, watching The Right Stuff on my badass Wii/Netflix rig…easily one of the most adored space films in the history of space films. That’s right: space films and the history of space films. It’s making me realize—and this is no surprise, really—that I haven’t watched enough adored films. Sure, I like what I like but, well, some of my absolute favorite movies are movies that other people seem to out-and-out hate.

So, to revel in my ridiculosity—to prove to you that I, as a person, am much more Project X than The Right Stuff—I give you my Top 5 movies that I feel alone in loving. Let the flame war begin. As Al B. Shep wets his pants, I sit here—plied to the gills with Laffy Taffy of all flavors in the pink spectrum—and learn anew what the Rotten Tomatoes people have to say about these, my guiltiest of pleasures.

1) Some Kind of Monster [Directors: Joe Berlinger & Bruce Sinofsky]

88% Rotten Tomatoes rating.
I am very surprised at the somewhat high Tomato meter rating on this one. I have never met a person in real life who likes this movie. For me, tuning into this movie is akin to sitting back and taking in the comfort of old friends. Or something.

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2) Smokin’ Aces [Director: Joe Carnahan]

28% Rotten Tomatoes rating.
I have no idea why nobody likes this movie. It’s pretty badass. The Ryan Reynolds/Ray Liotta pairing is a bit, how you say, expository and ridiculous, but for sheer spectacle alone, this movie is a winner. Piven, like, rules.

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3) Lost & Found [Director: Jeff Pollack]

13% Rotten Tomatoes rating.
I have no defense. But this movie was my go-to plug and play of the late VHS era. The pairing of Spade and Lange is a bit transparent, but, well, I always found some charm in this movie. I haven’t seen in it about 5 years and I’m quite frankly scared to watch it again. Maybe I won’t love it as much as I used to. This movie sets the prototype for the Saving Silverman-esque Neil Diamond breakdown in Act 3.

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4) Thirteen Days [Director: Roger Donaldson]

82% Rotten Tomatoes rating.
I have never met a person in real life who likes this movie. I fucking love it. LOVE. IT. I have been known to spend a Saturday watching this movie, The Fog of War, and Saving Private Ryan back to back. I think it’s the faux-wholesomeness of it all. Or something.

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5) The Patriot [Director: Roland Emmerich]

62% Rotten Tomatoes rating.
This is probably the only one I’m actually, truly embarassed about. There is a stinky cheese factor to it, but, well, yeah. It’s OK. There are moments.

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BONUS: Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip

I know this isn’t a movie…but I love it, and everybody I meet (save one, amazingly talented, prodigiously beautiful, indendiary flower of a woman who my wife and I know) fucking hates it. So there. Chandler? Josh from the West Wing? Amanda Peet and  that deftly hidden (but still there!) cleavage? Come on. Get over all the Jesus stuff and get your Sorkin on.

Your thoughts? Until next time, bat-boys and bat-girls.

The game is not simple, nor is it a game. In which your friendly neighborhood Hateball rants at medium length about his or her top 5 somethings, and begs you—O Bloglin reader—to agree, disagree, modify, wank, wax, or whatever ’till your heart’s content.

So, without further a-do, these are my top five favorite unanswered questions about The Matrix movies. To wit:

1. What—exactly—does this red pill do again?

Why—again, exactly—couldn’t you just TELL Neo what the Matrix was? “The matrix is like the thing from Vanilla Sky except for the fact that, instead of being frozen, you’re alive and well, but plugged into this crazy, overly menacing factory that powers this crazy machine city which is altogether a bit too overtly biomech-looking for something that doesn’t really contain any ‘bio’, like, you know, The Borg, or them shits from the Dune prequels.”

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2. Really? Zion is defenseless without her ships in port? Really?

Um, really? There’s no ‘House EMP’ in Zion, the only bastion of human civilization? Haven’t they ever seen DUNE? Fear is the fucking mind-killer, so why-oh-why can’t there just be a big-daddy pinch sitting in the middle of the engineering level, ready to make it rain squiddies all-day-and-day? Wouldn’t that be a pretty strong case for some steampunkery going on with those crazy walker things? Oh, and whoever came back from snorting coke in the bathroom with the great idea of having the old dude say ‘knuckle up’ over and over should have his tie pissed on. That shit was extra-retarded.

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3. How the fuck did Cipher sneak into the Matrix by himself?

Who was manning the operator stuff while Cipher was in The Matrix talking to the agents and eating steak? This one isn’t even like some haha-funny-fanboy shit. Right? Like, this is a major hole in an otherwise porous storyline. Right? Right?!

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4. Make with the effing werewolves, ghouls, ghosts, and goblins.

You set up this totally cool notion that rogue programs are the explanation for ghosts, werewolves, vampires and the like and then you don’t include any in the story? Oh yeah, those assholes flying around in the sword room don’t count. Bullshit. It’s my party and I’ll cry if I fucking want to.

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5. “O wait…he’s awake? Bzzt. Beep. Boop….Kill the motherfucker.”

Finally, if the machines know that the rebellious inhabitants of Zion are waging war against them in the form of opening the minds of other rebellious humans who are as yet unreleased from the shackles of The Matrix and the energy grid for which it was built to serve, why not, when you’ve ALREADY sent a crazy robot that doesn’t appear in the rest of the movie to check on the hairless monkey that just pulled it’s mouth tube out, kill it? This, as opposed to releasing it (the monkey) into the unguarded, surprisingly clean-watered sewer system (via ridiculous toilet flush foley) leaving it free to join the Nebuchadnezzar, ergo the Zion Army, and return to bring the pain all over the Machiavellian, er, Merovingian, the anit-Neo (Classical?) and the entire machine civilization? What? They liquefy the dead into some crazy black syrup shit and feed it to babies but the people who just wake up get spit out into propaganda tubes? (you know, the part right after this part?)

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Watch-Outski for my keeping it realerness next week! Flame On!

This game is not simple, nor is it a game. Just trying something new. Would love to wax rheostatic with any who care to re-rank or disqualify any of my picks. I know this is a bit more Hornby than any of us really want to be, but, well, you win some and you lose some.

I used to live with a girl who dated a guy who used to fuck a girl who fucked Layne Staley. That’s pretty much all I’ve got. Well, that and some credit card debt.

Alice In Chains, Go!

1. “Rotten Apple” from Jar of Flies (1994) [Columbia]

2. “Down In a Hole” from Dirt (1992) [Columbia]

3. “I Stay Away” from Jar of Flies (1994) [Columbia]

4. “Rooster” from Dirt (1992) [Columbia]

5. “Man In the Box” from Facelift (1990) [Columbia]