Have you ever been on Yahoo! Answers? If you haven’t, please, don’t go. It genuinely may deplete your intelligence. I mean that. And it’s not an issue of there being a lack of answers, but rather, the nature of the questions being asked. They’re insanely stupid. It’s unbelievable! The problem goes far beyond stupidity, however, to a place of sheer inconsideration. It’s cruel the things that these Yahoo! users impose on other, general users of the Internet! I’m hesitant even to provide a few examples, but not that hesitant.
For starters, here’s one regarding party-appropriate apparel:
This question, requiring just a basic level of decisiveness and personality, is typical of the type you’ll find littered across Yahoo! Answers. It’s not too stupid of a question either, but it has no business being posed to the collective community that is the World Wide Web. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy; You really don’t have anyone else to whom you can ask this question? There’s not one single person in your life who could advise you in this area just as well, if not better, than some random person (pervert) on the Internet? I guess it’s actually pretty ignorant of me to assume that everyone in this world with access to Yahoo! also has access to human beings. Yeah, that’s messed up.
But another thing, you’re already online! You’re on the Internet! Just look up 1960s icons! It’s this type of simple, shockingly easy to answer question that plagues Yahoo! Answers.
Another type of question frequently asked by users is the type that, well, is impossible to answer. Here’s one asked by a culinary school student:
How can you do that? You can’t. How do you ride a bike without a bike? Or, perhaps an even more poignant question for Thanh to answer: How do you spend money without having any money?
From there we move to the type of question that, while there is a definite answer to be found, it should stay unknown. Here’s this one, about, well…holes:
Jesus. Please, nobody tell this guy the answer.
Those are, more or less, the three main types of questions you’re gonna find around Yahoo! Answers. Often times the questions will be some combination of two types, like a question that doesn’t really have an answer (other than an obvious “no”) but also could easily be asked to anybody other than a Yahoo! user.
Here we have some straight up idiocy:
No, Joe Jack, you won’t. Protein, despite what you heard, is not a drug. You will, however, fail an IQ Test.
And then there’s this:
As far as I know, this does not exist. Really the only thing to suggest here is that you find two people that are down to have you follow them around while they interact (no screenplay crap + based on a true story) and then watch them have sex. And I guess one of these people would have to be a mother. Something tells me that this guy and the neck hole guy would hit it off famously.
Continuing along the downward spiral of SAT scores (the only real way to judge a person’s intelligence):
Dude. What does it matter? What is this information being surveyed for?
When did it stop being a word? Never. Snuck is the past participle and informal past tense for “to sneak.”
Yup. No such thing.
I don’t know, what does this sentence say?
Is this 100% a matter of opinion? Yeah, it is.
Sexist? No, never. Correct? Always. All girls love it, dude! You got it!
Someone put this guy in touch with the neck hole dude and the realistic milf porn guy. That’s the dream team right there.
Spend less time on the Internet. Talk to real people. Do anything. ANYTHING! You wanna paint more? Fine! Just do it. Don’t ask Yahoo! users what they think you should do. They don’t know you!
Fortunately, Yahoo! Answers has hidden a disclaimer deep in the shadows of their website, claiming, “Yahoo! does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any questions, answers or other posted information on Yahoo! Answers” Accuracy? This certainly is not a matter of accuracy. In fact, the answers are all pretty accurately addressed (at least, as accurately as they could be by a bunch of idiots), but the questions at hand are just so ridiculously mind numbing – that’s really what Yahoo! needs to legally protect themselves against! Brain damage.
I keep going back to their website to look for a couple more questions for this post, and just end up widening my eyes and shaking my head. Forget what I said before, go check it out. Do it. You’ll be okay, I imagine, as long as you eventually leave the site and have a conversation with someone, or read a book.
There are honestly so many questions on Yahoo! Answers similar to, “If your life was a song, what would the title be?”, “Do you think the person you are thinking about right now is thinking about you too?”, and, “What comes to your mind when I say ‘stars’?” And maybe I’m in the minority when I say that I don’t care at all what someone I don’t know thinks of when they hear the word “stars,” but I doubt it. I can’t be! And I honestly hope that no one, other than my mother, cares what I think of when hearing the word “stars” either. The world cannot be that imbecilic. True, Yahoo! Answers has over 200 million users (and yes, I got that figure from a Yahoo! Answers question, ironically), but I just won’t give up on mankind like that! The questions are too stupid! Do I think the person I am thinking about right now is thinking about me too? Only if every Yahoo! Answers user is currently pondering just how little I think of them. Now that, I would like an answer to.