The Weeknd likes to fuck women, but you get the impression The Weeknd doesn’t like women. This might be a real issue for the general population, but dude makes heavy “cardigans made out of lush, exotic fabrics” music, so people don’t really give a fuck. Hate sex is always good, so I guess hate sex R&B will also, always be good.

“Kiss Land” is the title track of The Weeknd’s upcoming LP. It’s appropriately dark, sexy, and incoherent which puts it perfectly in line with the rest of dude’s output. Plenty of drug talk, ballin’ outta control humblebrags, and oblique mentions of blowjobs. If we assume The Weeknd parties in real life, how he parties on these here MP3s; I give it four more years before dude is either completely out of his mind or finds Jesus. You can only spend so much time with Colombian white up your nose and some Eastern European broad on your lap before the entire world stops making sense. Ask Prince and Kels.

Kiss Land drops soon.

Finally, a song for all the dudes in the world jerking illz to cartoon titties. Josip On Deck‘s “Anime Pussy” is your anthem, your call to arms. When y’all march on Washington for the right to marry fictional characters, the chant of “Anime Pussy” will be your rallying cry. It’s really time we stopped oppressing the cats that want to put the smash down on cyborg ladies, cute elves, and kawaii schoolgirls with the lil short skirts; it’s a lifestyle choice that’s just as valid as being a furry, or an adult baby.

Besides “Anime Pussy” getting stuck in your head, forcing you to mutter it under your breath and look like an insane dude that gets thrown out of Forbidden Planet on the regular; the only problem I have with the song is the choice in “anime pussy”. Josip shouts out Misty from Pokémon, when everyone knows Jessie from Team Rocket was the one who could really put the fuck down. Also, my dude says he wants to suck on Chun Li’s tits, which is kinda like going to Red Lobster and ordering a chicken dish. Anyone who’s played Street Fighter for even a couple of minutes knows that Chun Li’s thighs are the real point of interest. While this song is really catchy, I gotta give bro a 7/10 on his lack of imagination in anime pussy.

Rejoice, a new entry in Vin Deisel’s Pitch Black series is upon us. In this latest outing Vin Deisel’s Riddick, is chased around by bounty hunters on an alien desert world, full of monsters. This is subtly different than Pitch Black, where Riddick was an escaped convict being chased around by the law, on an alien desert planet.

Katee Sackhoff (Battlestar Galactica) and Karl Urban (Star Trek) show up in this movie, despite the fact that both of them should know better. We’ll assume their presence in the flick is an indication that Vin Deisel is the nicest dude in the world, because there’s really no other reason anyone of note should be in this flick. That said, I will probably watch this repeatedly on Showtime.

“Liberace Gems”, as a title, sounds like a Supreme Clientele era Ghostface lyric. It could also be old black lady coded language for a possibly gay dude, but then again there’s a lot fo overlap between Ghostface lyrics and shit my aunt would say when she was “two sheets to the wind”. In the hands of Gorgeous Children, “Liberace Gems” becomes one of those chest puffing, shit talking jams that transforms whatever environment you’re in, to a slow motion club scene in a mid 90s rap video; you know back when they really went all out on club scenes in videos.

The beat throws back to the off kilter feel of old New York, while Face Vega’s vocals recall the half drunk on bravado slur, of old New York playas. Dudes that’ll tell yo, with a straight face, “bitch told me I’m the shit, like I ain’t know I’m the shit”. You those levels of confidence to pull of rocking Liberace gems.

Check out Gorgeous Children this weekend at 285 Kent.

We’re out here posting atmospheric, Lovecraftian Black Metal, because sometimes I worry we’re not really doing enough to service maladjusted Norwegian teenagers, with ideological grievances against a religion introduced to their country a thousand years ago. Also, grimm riffage and blast beats, are always good.

The Great Old Ones hail from France and make a hybridized black metal that blends the usual sounds of ice, paganism, and snow; with spacily atmospheric breaks. Their new album Al Azif, doesn’t sound like it was recorded through the wall of a practice space, and dudes don’t wear corpse paint. Most black metal fans will hate it on principal alone. Their songs exhibit a strong understanding of dynamics, with the atmospheric parts really bolstering the full on worshipping of Cthulhu. I dare to call the whole thing “mature”. If dudes had a cool story about living in the forrest, only consuming dead animals, Pitchfork would shit themselves.

Normally, I’d have a few things to talk to you about. But instead of tending to the issues of Lauryn Hill looking like a young Gary Coleman during her tax trial (jail-time, I’m sorry girl), or Jaden Smith asking for emancipation for his 15h birthday (because I’m sure it’s really rough growing up the jet-setting child of major Hollywood stars); I want to talk to you about my current obsession: Farrah Abraham’s last gasp at fame, first taste of porn notoriety.

A few weeks ago Teen Mom, Farrah Abraham, claimed that her “private tape” leaked, and lashed out at co-star James Deen, Patron Saint of Shit-Stirrers (no pun intended), for calling bullshit. Today, she’s close to a million dollars richer via Vivid (whose founder she has been taking lunches with), inking a diet pill endorsement, and magically destroying Kim K’s first-day download record (poor Kim…somewhere pregnant-farting with rage, talking to her mirror like a jilted Disney princess) with the release of Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom. Watch it if you want, it’s your internet…but I already watched for you. Journalistic integrity. You’re welcome.

A few things: her premise of hiring a porn-star to do a private video, as a love letter to her future-self. Because isn’t that how we all capture our glory days? With a professional production team and some anal? A reality star would never plan such a thing to become an internet commodity! She makes it seem as if James Deen just works at the boudoir photography studio you bought a voucher for on  Groupon. A rented piece whose life she claims she changed, since he was no one before her. Sure…But here’s the thing, she also originally claimed that she used protection during the shoot, in case any young girls heard about it…since she’s some sort of role-model (because the Mayan’s were right, we’re just being stubborn about it). No condoms were used. Farrah now says that nerves made her “forget” to buy protection…Vivid has a condom line, so the studio is probably stocked, fyi. This was a hardcore porno, that started with anal penetration and altered between orifices indiscriminately throughout. It didn’t look like any wet-wipes or mouthwash was used, either. Just sayin. She claimed that she hasn’t seen a D in a long time. I’m pretty sure James’ wasn’t even the first one she saw that day…it’s supposed to look like a starfish, not a jellyfish.

(that’s the dress she wore in the scene, FYI)

She’s claiming she won’t watch Vivid’s “version”, as if they somehow CGI’d the bacterial infection she was working on, and has managed to stage…a pregnancy rumor! She’s been caught purchasing a pregnancy-test, because she is supposedly not on birth-control and worried that Deen might be responsible for a missed period.This, of course, is according to “anonymous sources”(read: Farrah), and guess who isn’t having any of it? James Deen.

Deen made sure that the world knew his stipulations to Vivid, the ones who hired him, were that Farrah be on birth-control and get fully screened like any other actress would.  He doesn’t think any of this shit is cute: “I am taking it seriously enough to research the possibility of someone getting pregnant from anal sex and semen on their face while they are having sex on their period with a sponge inside them…I spoke to the clinic where we both got tested before our scene along with my personal medical doctor regarding the subject.  However, I am more concerned about the fact that Vivid told me she was on birth control….This is a type of publicity I do not agree with and I do not want to participate in. Joking or lying or using pregnancy to get attention and media is not cool. It involves three people’s lives including the potential unborn child.”

Once again, James Deen, professional cocksman, is the most reasonable and ethical person in the room. Meanwhile, Farrah is getting rejected by Sugar Daddy websites for being too much of a gold-digger. James, if you’re reading this I want you to know: you’re on my short-list of current pop-cultural heroes. Please sue her for libel (for calling you a bad man with a small cock) and pain and suffering for this pregnancy stunt. For the transcripts. I need it, America needs it. Young girls who think being Teen Mom is a good idea, need it. Young men who have spiteful girlfriends who think this is ok, need it. We all need to hear the judge tear her a new asshole (her old one is useless, since your last visit) for being irresponsible, vapid, and using the worst plastic surgeon her money could buy. The judge won’t say that, but I will, because breasts aren’t supposed to be stationary, blunt-objects.

Casino rocking the denim jacket with no shirt in the “Killin It” video, is doing more for body acceptance in the streets than Lena Dunham and every post made by Jezebel this week, combined. Recognize that the ChubbyBoy movement is very real out and killin it. Predicting a lot of husky brothers rocking this look to the club come summertime, because technically a jacket sans shirt, does not violate the no shirt/no shoes/no service rule of many establishments. The remix of this song with Rawse and 2 Chainz under the group name The Titty Boyz, will be brought to you by Wingstop.

Sartorial trend forecasting aside, Casino’s Ex-Drug Dealer has been on repeat heavily this Spring. If you haven’t downloaded that shit yet, get on it, or else risk missing all the shoutrap jewels that spill out of Casino’s mouth. On “Killin It” it alone dude claims to have fucked every girl in Atlanta and warns that “you might as well walk if you pull up next to him.” FOr some reason, I tend to believe the boasts of dudes who wear jackets with no shirt and too many chains. Mr. T was a standup dude, there’s a precedent here.

Ex-Drug Dealer is out now and excellent for executing jigs to.

Every time Friendzone drops a track, I google them to find their tumblr; and inevitably end up lost in a rabbit hole of struggle blog posts about dudes that can’t get the booty. It’s real dark. There’s wild forums out here on the internet, where cats come to exchange stories of perpetual near misses. Dudes talk about hanging around chicks, waiting to magically fall into the pussy, like it was a manhole in a Marx Brothers movie. Or, they exist in abject denial of ole girls complete disinterest in their dick. Serious tales to underwhelm.

In a better world, all of these dudes would figure out how to make themselves presentable, fuckable humans, who can elicit intimacy from other beings. When that magical, Cinderella like transformation would take place, Friendzone’s “Always” would play as celebration music. A perfectly constructed song for busting out your first “I just kissed a girl and I liked it” jig. Get a lil “feel goods” in the air, with this one whether you’re a creep, a reformed creep, or just crept on.

Tomorrow come down to AM Studio to see an exhibition of Chocomoo collaborative works. There’ll be limited edition accessories designed by Chocomoo and a shirt with Blake & Co.

It’s a one day only event, so don’t fuck around and pull the usual act of planning on coming, then falling asleep on your couch the night of the event. There’ll be solid artwork, great people free booze and tunes provided by DJ AKI. Consider this the first step in broadening your horizons beyond your favorite dive bar.

Thursday, May 16th, 7PM – 10PM
AM Studio
409B W. 39th St.
New York, NY 10018

New aether flows from Khalil Nova with “Mercury Diamondz”. If there was a tet equivalent of airhorns, I’d drop about three in a row here, along with a Funk Flex style bomb drop. Heavy track here that’s OD on the trippy feels, but it’s conceivable that one coud also do some very spiritual body rolls to this as well. Bookmark this one for the point in time when tantric sex makes it to the hood. I estimate that’ll take ~5 years. At that point this’ll migrate from weird, lo-fi, mantra rap; to four long sex session/baby making music.

Khalil Nova’s 808s Of Life will be released on May 21st via Мишка Records. It’s full of more space age, mind traveling raps, the like of which, most of y’all aren’t ready for. Get your rap chakras open and shit.