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Near Mint Condition: Sextillion Can't Fucking Handle Butcher Baker! Dude Rolls Hard.

By Caffeine Powered, 08/15/2012 - 6:00pm
Wednesday. The delicious oasis in the middle of the weekly grind. Deliver us from 9-5. Deliver us from Cubicles. Deliver us in the form of weekly sequential artwork. Laser beams. Righteous makers. Providing just enough escape to slog through the last two days. This here is Near Mint Condition the column where we share the various titles we're excited for on a given week. This column is powered by audience interaction, so if you see my poor taste and me abstaining from mentioning a title, throw it into the ring. Sharing is caring. Don't know what is arriving on shelves? Hit up Comic List. It's cool. We'll wait. ---- Butcher Baker the Righteous Maker #8 Man. It's been a good slice of time since the last issue of Butcher Baker smashed its way onto the shelves. It stunk of seminal fluids, and kept calling everyone weak-kneed socialists. Goddamn, it was a sight to behold. Now after all this time, Butchie is coming back into my life. I've been so fucking lonely, and he didn't even care enough to post a teaser on CBR. I know I shouldn't let him persuade me. With his muscles. His stellar goatee. His fantastic artwork, provided by Mike Huddleston. Seriously, guy is a beast. But I'll cave. I'm a coward. I'm weak for metatextual madness. Somewhat uncomfortable objectifying of women. And the essays in the back by Casey are worth the price of admission alone. Now the only problem is that I don't have a goddamn clue what happened in the seventh issue. I'm sure there was punching. Some swearing. Gorgeous art. Some sort of spiritual metaphysical plane? I'll have to go hunting for the title in my sweat-soaked dungeon. ---- Deluge of Marvel titles [I'm a fanboy] I know I'm a Marvel fanboy. I've known it since my Mom came into my room, finding me with my Wolverine figure in my ass. She screamed, I screamed. She told me I needed to go back to Sunday school. I told her that his name was Logan and we were in love. She started knocking after that. This week there are three Marvel titles holding my attention, and I apologize for none of them. First up is Daredevil #17. I haven't followed Murdock religiously since Daredevil Reborn stunk worse than my fart-huffing jar. I know Waid's run has been critically acclaimed. I know. I haven't read it for whatever reason, but I'm snagging it this week. Why? Mike Allred! The fortress of talent is bringing his skills for a single issue. That'll get me out of the dungeon. I love Allred's aesthetic, and goddamn I can't wait until he teams up with Matt Fraction for FF. The second title is Captain Marvel #2 powered by Kelly Sue DeConnick and Dexter Soy. Goddamn, does Soy's art sizzle. I wasn't familiar with the artist prior to the first issue of Marvel, but I'm firmly in love at this point. Finally, there is Uncanny X-Force #29. Solid book, month after month. And I can't exactly skip it, knowing that my Logan does a good deal of cutting and maiming throughout it. Don't let his bloodlust fool you, dude is a lover. ---- Saga #6 [Buy this fucking comic] Absolutely. It is that time of the month when arguably the best new comic of the year floats into our hearts. It's got everything. Action! Adventure! Robots fucking! A really swaggerlicious Han Solo-analog in the form of The Will! Dude is so dreamy. If I was ever going to cheat on Logan (and when I'm with him, I'm clearly not cheating on my girlfriend, action figures made from fingernails don't count), it would be with The Will. Don't believe what baby Hazel says in her narration, he isn't a monster. Just a guy trying to make a living in the Universe! Shit! So he hangs out at Sextillion every once in a while. Whatevs. What does she know? She was born like three days ago. It is a framing narrative, you say? The main story is taking place as a flashback? What the fuck is a framing narrative? You're confusing me. So those are the jams I'm procuring this week, folks. What is tickling your fancy? ---- For more of my puerile pop culture bullshit, hit up Omega Level.
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