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Press Start: Haggar n' Humanity

By The Faux Bot, 09/07/2012 - 6:00pm
Hey guy, like the video games? The bleep-de-bloops? The whizz-pop and the shazmatt? Does it even matter? I mean, really, in this day and age. What with microchips and the constant ebb of information, who cares what you're actually reading about? Words, man. They're just words and so, here's roughly 915 of the buggers. Valve Are Getting Into the Hardware Game, Son! The perpetual darlings of the gaming community, Valve, have somewhat formally announced their entry into the hardware market with a job posting looking for someone adept in that very field. They just dropped them bomb. With Steam already being one of the most successful and well-received digital distribution platforms ever, Valve are now primed to throw a spanner in the works of traditional gaming consoles.
We’re frustrated by the lack of innovation in the computer hardware space though, so we’re jumping in. Even basic input, the keyboard and mouse, haven’t really changed in any meaningful way over the years. There’s a real void in the marketplace, and opportunities to create compelling user experiences are being overlooked.
Being Valve, you know it would heavily support user-generated content, as well as providing the best in independent gaming, oh and it would probably be very reasonably priced and provide a substantial boost to both your health and virility. You know, because it's Valve. Watch this space. ----- Minecraft vs Humanity – Round 2 It was only a few weeks ago that I found myself lamenting over mankind's failings and Minecraft's ability to show just how terrible we can all be. As such, it is with great happiness that I tell you about Minecraft's involvement with the UN's Block by Block initiative.
“the initiative is designed to give young people a voice about urban planning in their own communities. Using Minecraft, young people will be able to "show planners and decision makers how they would like to see their cities in the future." The partnership hopes to improve 300 spaces by 2016.”
Minecraft's creators, Mojang, will serve as the initiative's main financial sponsor as well as building a website to track its progress and providing the virtual template that allows young people to interactively help plan their spaces. Now isn't that nice? ----- MGS: Ground Zeroes Isn't Project Ogre, OK!? My man Hideo Kojima is pissed this week. Why? Quite simply, it's because everyone keeps asking the poor dude stupid goddamn questions. Months (years?) ago; before FOX Engine; before Ground Zeroes; Kojima dangled the title of Project Ogre in front of our collective face. Naturally, people had started to assume that it was merely a working/secret title for what we now know as the next installment in the Metal Gear Solid series. Kojima's had enough of being asked to confirm this, and it shows.
While I am happy to know people liked "MGS Ground Zeroes", I'm sick & tired of people keep asking me like "is that project Ogre?" here in Seattle everyday. Project Ogre is what the project that Ogre appears. Ogre does not appear in "MGS Ground Zeroes" trailer.
Do you see any goddamn Ogres in that trailer!? No! So stop asking the poor man whether or not he's just shown the world Project Ogre, because he hasn't, alright!? God, you make me so sick; with your incessant, moronic questioning. THERE ARE NO OGRES HERE. You dig? Jeez. ----- Scout vs Witch is Exactly Why I Love Source Filmmaker Only the most dick-headed, vendetta-driven detectives could dig up a reason to hate Valve and it seems as though week-upon-week they go out of their way to make that task ever more difficult. Take the Source Filmmaker, for example. It's a free 3D animation tool that allows gamers the world over to create their own movies using Valve's delectable library of characters, sounds, environments and, of course, animations. The versatility and accessibility of the software is starting to bear finer fruits as users become more adept at achieving their desired results. Case-in-point: Scout vs. Witch. Enjoy. ----- Kickstarter Pulls in More Money for Games Projects Than Anything Else This isn't exactly surprising. It has undoubtedly been the year of the Kickstarter-funded project and it will no doubt go on to characterize 2012 in many an end-of-year list. And why not? Gamers are now able to support their dream projects in a very real way; a perfect match for a medium that somehow manages to be incredibly expensive to produce, yet also host an array of niche interests. Over the last 8 months, more than $50 million has been contributed to games projects alone. Card and board games also form part of these numbers, but the success is still just as inspiring. Whether you like this trend or not, it seems that gaming and crowd-funding are going to be bed partners for some time yet, meaning, amongst other things, that perhaps my dream of a Mike Haggar urban planning simulator isn't that far from reality any more. A boy can dream... ----- New Accessibility Guidelines to Help Make Games More, uhh, Accessible If you're fortunate enough to be completely able-bodied and also an avid fan of video games, then the chances are that you've very rarely considered just how accessible they are. Don't worry, this doesn't make you a bad person: you don't have to go and flog yourself. Do, however, for a moment consider how much it would suck if you couldn't feel some specifically designed force feedback, read subtitles, or even distinguish colors. Unfortunately, the interactive medium can be pretty inaccessible at times. Thankfully, the Gaming Accessibility Project hopes to provide developers with the knowledge they need in order to make their games accessible to a wider range of users who suffer with disabilities. The project suggests different levels of changes that can be made to make a game all the more suitable for users with a wide range of disabilities. The guidelines range from basic to intermediate and advanced: all demonstrating what features can be implemented to make a tile more user-friendly. Humanity wins. Am I done? Damn straight I am. And with the completion of this article I have now earned the right to pour pizza and beer down my throat in quick succession. Don't try to change me, baby.
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